To celebrate Martha Stewart’s release from prison, I decided to bake cookies. So while watching CNN’s live coverage of her first day back working at Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, I put down my koa wood framed 8×10 photo of Martha and brought out the baking pan from my Martha Stewart Everyday Nonstick 5-Piece Baking Set.
Unfortunately, after a horrible brownie baking accident, which involved me not adding any eggs to the brownie mixture and creating the hardest baked goods ever, I’ve stopped baking things from scratch.
Besides, when you bake from scratch you have to worry about fractions, and I suck at fractions.
So instead of making the cookies from scratch, I opened up a package of Pillsbury Chocolate Chip Big Deluxe Classics, with which I could bake a dozen cookies. I know Martha would kill me if she found out I wasn’t going to bake these cookies from scratch. After all, I’m sure she learned how to kill in prison.
I wonder if she’ll teach us how to kill on a future episode of Martha Stewart Living.
By the way, did you see how hot Martha looks now? Damn! Total MILF!
If I was in the kitchen with her and I had a wooden spoon in my hands, I would totally spank her ass with it. If only I was under house arrest with her. Sigh.
Wait, was that too much information for you? Sorry.
Anyway, after washing my hands and drying them using the hand towel from my Martha Stewart Everyday 5-Star Egyptian Cotton Basketweave Towel Set I placed the twelve cookie dough rounds on top of the ungreased baking pan, leaving them about two inches apart from each other.
Then I placed the baking pan into the oven, which was preheated at 350 degrees fahrenheit. Fifteen minutes later, I had cookies that even Martha would be proud of, if she didn’t know they weren’t made from scratch.
After letting them cool for a few minutes, I grabbed one of the smaller plates from my Martha Stewart Everyday Classic White 16-Piece Ceramic Dinnerware Set so that I wouldn’t get crumbs all over the place as I ate my freshly baked cookies, while Martha talked about her experiences in prison.
Oh, these cookies were good. Every bite had some chocolate goodness. I guess it helped that along with the regular semi-sweet and milk chocolate chips, there were also mini, semi-sweet Hershey’s Kisses added to the cookie dough. It basically was an orgy of chocolate.
After eating half a cookie, I realized I was missing something very important…MILF…I mean, milk.
So I pulled out from the cupboard one of the glasses from my Martha Stewart Everyday 12-Piece Butterfly Glassware Set and poured myself some milk, so that I could dunk the warm cookies into it.
Oh, Martha would be so proud!
When I was done, I put the rest of the cookies in one of the square 5-cup food containers from my Martha Stewart Everyday 48-Piece Airtight Food Container Set, so that I may enjoy the cookies later on.
Overall, these Pillsbury Chocolate Chip Big Deluxe Classics were very good. Or as Martha would say, “It’s a good thing.â€
Item: Pillsbury Chocolate Chip Big Deluxe Classics
Purchase Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Quick. Easy to bake. Big cookies. Martha Stewart is a total MILF.
Cons: Martha is still under house arrest. I suck at baking things from scratch.
This was the best part of the review:
Cons: Martha
LOL! Thanks for yet another smile Marvo!
I’m looking forward to the upcoming Martha Stewart Living episode where she shows us the best everyday household items to use for making your very own shiv… It’ll be a good thing.
mmmmm…cookies. I love cookies. It is too bad that you could not have invited Martha to enjoy them with you. Damn house arrest. By the way my coworkers do love me. Who wouldn’t after introducing them to the greatest commerical ever!!
You know, you aren’t the first guy to have a”thing” for Martha. My bf also thinks she is hot. He thinks she must be really wild in bed.
Aymie’s Mom – You’re welcome. 🙂
CT – I bet she could make a shiv using only a toilet paper roll.
Becky – Now that I think about it, I don’t know if I want Martha over. Not because she could kill me, because I’m afraid that once she sees my apartment, she’s gonna want to Martha-rize EVERYTHING. It will be like my own neverending episode of Martha Stewart Living. Wait, that might be a good thing…Where’s my wooden spoon?
kimdog – You know what they say, “The older they are, the more experienced they are. Yeah, baby!”
I strongly advise you to NEVER use Martha’s bathtowels that are sold at KMart. You will end up with fuzzies and balls all over yourself and anything the towels come in contact with! They are the absolute WORST towels I have ever bought. When I mentioned this on my blog awhile back someone commented that I should have known better than to buy them at KMart…..but, isn’t “Martha Stewart” supposed to mean quality no matter where you buy her products? Or is KMart her rejects?
I agree with Kat, my mom got me some of the MS towels as a house warming gift… they suck!!! The fuzzies don’t ever go away, no matter how much you wash and dry them (line or dryer method).
…but, Oooohhh, cookies!!! I want!!! Peeeessee =).
Mmmm those look good.
Dangit. Now I want cookies…
Kat – NO! Martha would not lie to me. Martha would not let me down. Martha is omnipotent!
akiko – Sorry, I ate them all, because I’m gluttonous. 🙂
Damon – I bet your dogs would really like them.
Thumper – Sorry. I’d offer some, but I ate them all, because I’m a pig.
I’m using my Martha Stewart Everyday Blogging Computer to let you know how glad I am that you reviewed these cookies. We actually have a package in the fridge, purchased about a week ago (the chocolate chip with walnuts variety), and I had been hesitant to bake them. So much of the Pillsbury ready-to-bake stuff ends up tasting, well, ready-to-bake. But I now feel heartened that they will be mmm-mmm-Martha good!
Mellie – Despite owning a Martha Stewart Everyday Baking Set, I don’t bake much of anything (I actually bought them to impress women). So I don’t know if they are actually better than other ready-to-bake cookies, but they sure do taste better than packaged mass-produced cookies.
Marvo, thanks for another hilarious review. However, I’ve never had the hots for Martha…but then again, that does improve your odds of a successful House Arrest with her.
Chuck – Thanks for the compliment. Let me tell you, I wouldn’t mind handcuffing Martha, you know what I mean. ::nudge:: ::nudge::
Um, spanking Martha’s ass with a wooden spoon?
That’s an image that will forever be burned into my brain.
*shudder*
Thanks a lot, Marvo.
*closes her eyes and whispers silently*
Mustthinkaboutthecookies…mustthinkaboutthecookies…mustthinkaboutthecookies…
mustthinkaboutthecookies…mustthinkaboutthecookies…
Toni – I have a worse image that can be burned into your brain. How about me crumbling the cookies on Martha’s body and then licking the crumbs up?
why must you do this to me right before lunch? 😉
must. have. COOKIES!!
About those Marth towels from K-Mart: My roommate from several years ago bought a set of those, and the same thing happened. Nothing but fuzzies, they probably would have completely disintegrated within a couple of months if he hadn’t tossed them out right away. Looks like they haven’t improved any since then.
Webmiztris – Sorry, um, Happy Belated Birthday! 😀
CT – Oh, don’t ruin my image of Martha! Everything about Martha is perfect! Martha is all-knowing. Martha does no wrong…Okay, on occasion she does do wrong.
Oh. Ew. Now I can’t even enjoy the thought of cookies.
Damn you Marvo! And damn you Martha Stewart for being such a tempting MILF Jezebel to poor young guys!
Toni – Oooh, I have another image. How about Martha in a sexy French Maid outfit “dusting the crumbs off of me?” Eh, use your imagination to define what “dusting the crumbs off of me” means.
Um…
Thanks to you, I will never eat chocolate chip cookies ever again.
Eh, who am I kidding? I’ll still eat them!
Actually, I can’t even begin to imagine what “dusting the crumbs” off of you could mean @_@
Martha could dust the crumbs off of me anytime.
Tommy – Yeah, total MILF.