Iâ€™M PISSED OFF!!!
Who the hell are you â€œtexas holdemâ€ and â€œyour lazy assâ€ and why are you two sending me comment spam that makes absolutely no sense?
â€œI disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it,â€ says texas holdem. Well you know what, I appreciate that you will die for my right to say whatever I want, so to show my appreciation I want to tell you that youâ€™re a big fat ass.
Also, whatâ€™s up with your name â€œtexas holdem?â€ Let me guess, your tiny brain came up with that name while watching the World Series of Poker on ESPN. You unoriginal bastard!
Okay, calm down. Think of your happy place.
Just do my review on The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People by Dr. David Niven, so I can get happy and not remain SO F#@KINâ€™ PISSED OFF!!!
Simple secret #90: Surround yourself with pleasant aromas.
Okay, Iâ€™ve plugged in an air freshener. Aaaah, the smell of berry, itâ€™s such a pleasant smell.
â€œThere is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.â€ WTF, texas holdem! Have you been watching too much Codename: Kids Next Door on the Cartoon Network?
Calm down. SON OF A BITâ€¦Calm down.
Simple secret #82: Donâ€™t dwell on unwinnable conflicts.
Okay, I canâ€™t beat him. I canâ€™t beat him. I canâ€™t beat him.
But I can imagine giving him a beat down! Youâ€™re lucky my pillow isnâ€™t you, because Iâ€™ve opened a can of whoop-ass on it!
Be calm. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Simple secret #42: Try to think less about the people and things that bother you.
Okay, Iâ€™m clearing texas holdem from my mind.
â€œ3104 please visit us to get your dick up or you can also get a mack over at our beauty site. or clcik this link if you are fat or wnt to seend a card.â€ What the hell is this, your lazy ass?
If youâ€™re gonna send me comment spam, the least you can do is spell check the crap. Texas holdem spell checks whatever he spews, why canâ€™t you?
Relax. Calm down. Breathe. Donâ€™t forget to breathe.
Simple secret #96: Say â€œSo What.â€
So what if Iâ€™m getting comment spam from two punk asses, Iâ€™ll just keep deleting their comments and add another Word Press plug-in.
â€œProper names are rigid designators.â€ You know what, texas holdem, I think youâ€™re right about this one, you F#$KINâ€™ S@%TFACED B#@CH-ASS TURD. (Okay, I couldâ€™ve spelled it out, but ehâ€¦this is a family blog.)
You like that name? Itâ€™s not proper. Itâ€™s not rigid. I think itâ€™s perfect for you.
Aaaah, I feel much happier now.
Item: The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People by David Niven, Ph.D.
Purchase Price: $9.56 (Amazon.com)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: An easy and fast read. I feel much better and happier. Inexpensive book.
Cons: Comment spam sucks.