REVIEW: Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tarts

Hot Fudge Sundae Pop Tarts

The national grocery store chain I shop at is a tease.

There I said it!

She’s a tease and if she keeps doing it, I’m going to have to do my shopping at another grocery store. Sure I have to pay a little more for things, but a man can only take so much.

She teases me with her voluptuous “Buy One, Get One Free” deals. Or her sexy “10 for $12.00″ deal. Sure I don’t need twelve boxes of Kleenex, but it’s 10 for $12.00!

She tells me things that get me so excited, but always lets me down. For example, for weeks there’s been a place for those Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop Tarts with a “Coming Soon” label. Every week when I come in to shop I expect to see some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop Tarts, but every week I’m met with the same old “Coming Soon” label.

My emotions aren’t some kind of game you can play with. Don’t play games with me!

What kind of sick and sadistic grocery store are you? Teasing me with your 2 for $4.00 sale on Pop-Tarts, but not having the Pop-Tarts I really want. I’ve had to settle for the S’mores Pop-Tarts and Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tarts.

Sure the S’mores Pop-Tarts were good and the Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tarts were really good, with its fudge flavored crust, white vanilla filling, and whipped cream flavored frosting with colored candy sprinkles that tastes great either toasted or frozen. Sure I have to say that the Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tarts has overtaken S’mores Pop-Tarts as my favorite Pop-Tarts flavor, but I know that’s just your way of trying to cover up your issues.

How much longer are you going to keep playing games with me? You think I’m some ordinary customer. I have your savings card! I’m a regular customer. Doesn’t that mean anything to you? I thought I was special.

That’s it! I’m through with you. I’m done with your stupid “Buy One, Get One Free” sales. I’m moving on from your “10 for $12.00” deals. I’m cutting up your savings card and I’m going to shop somewhere else.

Why did you have to do this to me? I really believed we had something special.

Item: Hot Fudge Sundae Pop Tarts
Purchase Price: $2.00 (on sale)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Tastes great frozen or toasted. My new favorite Pop-Tarts flavor.
Cons: It’s not the elusive Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop Tarts. My old grocery store is a sick, sadistic tease.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas

Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas

Here at The Impulsive Buy we like to keep up with the latest product trends because we so desperately want to be cool and hip.

In our short existence, we have followed a few trends, like the breakfast smoothie trend and the low-carb soda trend. Another one we have been closely following is the cereal with real fruit trend, which we think is an awesome idea, but not as awesome as the Hypercolor clothing trend in the 1980s.

A few weeks ago we reviewed Corn Flakes With Bananas, which we found to be pretty damn good. Who would have thought adding bananas could make Corn Flakes, which is something just as bland as any Britney Spears’ CD, taste better?

So today we’re going to review another cereal with bananas, Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas.

We at the Impulsive Buy are fans of the original Honey Bunches of Oats, with its crunchiness and lightly frosted corn and wheat flakes. After our kick-ass experience with Corn Flakes with Bananas, we assumed the Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas would be just as good. Unfortunately, we were very disappointed.

To be honest, we were only dissatisfied with the dried bananas in the cereal. If we were able to pick out all the dried bananas, we would like it, but if we wanted that it would be easier to just buy a box of regular Honey Bunches of Oats.

The bananas in the Honey Bunches of Oats were soft and squishy, like Bob Dole without Viagra. So when we added the milk, the bananas absorbed it like a sponge and they got soggy faster than you can say, “These bananas suck ass.” This was unlike the Corn Flakes With Bananas, which had crunchy banana chips, like the kind you find in hippie health food stores in between the dried apricots and hemp bracelets.

These bananas in the Honey Bunches of Oats were so bad, we don’t think gorillas, monkeys, orangutans, or Robin Williams would like them.

After our positive experience with Corn Flakes with Bananas, we had such high hopes for Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas. To summarize how we felt about this cereal, we would like to use the following analogy: It’s just like getting caught in the rain without an umbrella. Things get soggy and it sucks.

Item: Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas
Purchase Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: The Honey Bunches of Oats part.
Cons: The soggy bananas part.