REVIEW: Barq’s Floatz

Barq's Floats

Last night was waaay too fun. I learned a lot last night on Election Day.

The most important thing I learned: Watching the presidential election coverage on cable would make a great drinking game.

Take a sip if:
Anyone says “Florida”
Anyone says “Ohio”

Do a shot if:
Anyone says “too close to call”
Anyone mentions Gore in the 2000 election

Beer bong if:
A candidate announces victory, before the opponent concedes
Fox News projects Bush to win before all the other networks

Down a keg if:
Nader wins any electoral votes
Kerry or Bush asks for a recount

During the pre-election run to the convenience store, I picked up a few things to snack on during the night. One of the coolest things I picked up was the new Barq’s Floatz. It’s a frozen treat with the taste of a root beer float. FOR ONLY 75 CENTS!!!

They were so cheap that I bought two.

The Barq’s Floatz is exactly like those frozen fruit push-pops I used to get with my school lunch. You basically have to push out the goodness, like you would if you were trying to milk toothpaste out of the tube.

It tasted just like a root beer float, except without the spoon, two straws, and the beautiful girl to share it with.

Yeah, I’m talking to you, baby doll. Would you like to be the beautiful girl to share it with me? I got your straw right here, baby. Uh huh. Yeah, I know what you like”¦

W-w-what?

Oh sorry, been kind of lonely recently.

The only thing I was disappointed with was the size of the three-ounce Barq’s Floatz, because it takes only a minute to eat the whole thing.

Now some of you might be saying, “Well what do you expect for only 75 cents?”

Well in certain establishments, 25 cents will get me 5 minutes of pleasure in a small room with a window and a sticky floor.

So for 75 cents, I expect a whole lot more.


Item: Barq’s Floatz
Purchase Price: $0.75
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: 75 cents. Tastes like an actual root beer float.
Cons: Only 3 ounces of pleasure.

7 thoughts on “REVIEW: Barq’s Floatz

  1. I’m not sure where to start here. How about you get to make someone else drink when Larry King gets distracted by something shiny outside that window.

    Anyway, you told me I was the only one you’d share a root beer float with.

  2. Hmmmm…. why would you say Fox News would predict Bush the winner before everyone else? ::thinking::
    BTW, those Barq’s Floats are pretty good. 🙂

  3. Golly gee, I think yer really cool. Wanna go steady?
    Another question, what single, miracle store HAS all this foodly goodness??

  4. Megan – Mmmm. Yes, it was. Hope you can get it in Germany.

    Busy Mom – Sssssh! Great, Busy Mom. Now your husband is going to come after me. Next time keep it on the down low.

    feith – Yeah, we would’ve played but we didn’t know kegs had to be ordered 48 hours in advance.

    Aymie – Yeah, they’re damn good.

    Anne – I’m sorry, baby. I don’t think I could deal with the stress of a long distance relationship. It’s not you, it’s me. I love you, but I’m not in love with you. I hope we can just be friends.

    Also, I’m sure you can find the Barq’s Floatz at your local convenience store.

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