REVIEW: Healthy Choice Beef Franks

Healthy Choice Beef Franks

I haven’t eaten hot dogs in a while. I don’t know if it was because of my fear of increasing my already dangerously high cholesterol levels or if I had an extreme case of subconscious homophobia.

It’s most likely the latter, because I like my gay friends. Wait! I like them, but not in that way. You know what I’m saying, right? I really like my gay friends. Wait! Um… Dammit!

I LOVE BOOBIES!!! I LOVE BOOBIES!!!

Well the other week, while shopping at the national grocery store chain I shop at, I noticed the Healthy Choice Beef Franks were on sale. I swear they NEVER seem to go on sale. I honestly believe that the store doesn’t want me to be healthy, because the Healthy Choice Beef Franks almost NEVER go on sale, but those powdered sugar-coated brownie bites down the aisle are ALWAYS on sale.

Being the healthy shopper that I try to be, I compared the nutritional values of other products. The Healthy Choice Beef Franks had two or three times less fat and cholesterol than its “non-healthy” counterparts. This made me hesitant about picking them up, because I didn’t want to relive my experience with tofu dogs.

Figuring that there’s no way they could be worse than the tofu dogs, I picked up the Healthy Choice Beef Franks. However, when I picked them up from the refrigerated case, there was something strange about them, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

Oh well.

I continued shopping and eventually ended up in the bread aisle, where I picked up a pack of eight hot dogs buns. I looked at the buns and a light bulb suddenly turned on in my head. Then it went dim. Then I looked at the buns again and the light bulb turned on again. Then it went dim again. Finally, after hitting my head against the shopping cart a few times, the light bulb stayed on and I said to myself, “Holy crap! Since when did hot dogs start coming in a pack of eight?”

Back in the day, I remember that hot dogs came in a pack of ten and everyone used to complain about how the number of buns in a pack and the number of hot dogs in a pack were uneven.

I wondered if this was the case with all of the wieners, so I zipped my shopping cart all the way to the other side of the store, narrowly missing several other shoppers and discovered that most of the hot dogs now come in packs of eight.

When I got home, I immediately started to boil water for the beef franks. About 10 minutes later, I was enjoying them.

I have to say that these Healthy Choice Beef Franks are pretty damn tasty for something that’s supposed to be healthy.

Thanks to Healthy Choice, I think can start eating wieners again.

Oh wait, that didn’t sound right.

Thanks to Healthy Choice, I can start enjoying wieners again.

That didn’t sound right either. Dammit!

I LOVE BOOBIES!!! I LOVE BOOBIES!!!

Item: Healthy Choice Beef Franks
Purchase Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Low-fat, high in taste. Comes in a pack of eight wieners. I LOVE BOOBIES!!!
Cons: Still a little high in sodium, but that’s probably what gives it its taste. Hardly ever goes on sale.

9 thoughts on “REVIEW: Healthy Choice Beef Franks

  1. Glad to hear you love boobies!,, heehee had me rolling! I noticed that too about the hot dogs going to 8 from 10. But yet the package remained the same price or well actually probably went up. It’s like the new bottles of Coke that are a liter and a half but cost the same as a two liter. Soon we won’t have two liters on the shelves. And ya know what, consumers are gonna fall for it! Oh yeah look how attractive and easy to hold this bottle is,, PEOPLE hello you get less soda for the same price! Damn when are we gonna learn!

  2. Hi! First time commenter…long time reader here! My daughter Aymie turned me onto the product reviews here…which are very good, but I love your humor and your good sense regarding everything you review. The only comment I can say about the hot dogs is BOILED? Yuck….try them in the microwave next time…just make sure to put a slit in it before it explodes 🙂

  3. Yes, I agree with my darling mother, boiled weiners? Ick. Try the microwave thing and add a piece of low fat “healthy” cheese in the middle of the slit. Add some ketchup, and BAM! You got yourself a meal.

    Somehow this review brought out the perverted side of me. Hmmmmm…..

  4. My god, Aymie, that sounded so DIRTY!

    ———————————–

    I LOVE WEINERS!!! I LOVE WEINERS!!!

    I’m talking about HOT DOGS. Jeez, everyone’s got their minds in the gutter today! Oh, yeah, that’s right – it’s Hump Day…

  5. Tara – Liter and a half bottles? When did this happen? It’s a conspiracy I tell you. Yes. Conspiracy.

    Aymie & Aymie’s Mom – I AM AN UNCIVILIZED BACHELOR! HEAR ME ROAR…AND BOIL WIENERS! 😉

    Dawn – My mind is always in the gutter.

  6. I am married to a weiner boiler. Tell me that didn’t sound a little off? We have been buying those healthy choice dogs for years now. Tip for the microwave. Only put a slit in one end. Once they cook they look like alligators. Then you can play wrestle them as you eat. and the ketchup is the blood and….. Whoa, sorry. Childhood flashback.

  7. I used to love boobies, then I realized I had a pair of my own and all the fun went out of it.

    And is it just me or is there something frightening about the term “healthy” being applied to hotdogs?

  8. alisa – Wresting with a wiener…

    Noner – I wish I had a pair of boobies too, but not on me.

    Nowadays, you can slap “healthy” on anything, even wieners.

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