I figured this Christmas season would be a great time to test the new Colgate Max Fresh With Mini Breath Strips toothpaste because I could probably get some lip action with the help of some mistletoe.
Although I have to admit, Iâ€™ve never kissed anyone under the mistletoe before. Actually, Iâ€™ve never seen real mistletoe and I didnâ€™t know how to get my hands on some.
Despite my best efforts, I couldnâ€™t find any real mistletoe, but I did find some fake mistletoe at a craft store.
So armed with my fake mistletoe, I ventured out to see if some lucky lady would give me a kiss. Unfortunately, even with the mistletoe, I couldnâ€™t get any takers.
Now Iâ€™m not too sure why I didnâ€™t get any lip action. It could have been how I asked:
When I first saw you, I was like â€œWhoa.â€
You are so beautiful, you know.
Come here and let me kiss you under the mistletoe.
Nah, it couldnâ€™t be that, because thatâ€™s frickinâ€™ poetry that would make any womanâ€™s heart melt like butter in the microwave.
Now that I think about it, maybe I got rejected because I recited the poem like I was a 1970â€™s pimp.
Anyway, if you haven’t seen this new toothpaste from Colgate, it’s a gel that contains tiny breath strips, which gives the toothpaste a nice winter bite. Kind of like a York Peppermint Pattie.
That bite eventually turns into a little burn, somewhat like the ones Listerine and Selsun Blue give you, which eventually youâ€™ll get used to. But that burn is a good thing because in my years of experience with personal care products, I have learned two important rules: (1) The more it burns, the more it’s working. (2) When it starts burning away flesh, it’s not working anymore.
Since I didnâ€™t get a chance to kiss anyone, I donâ€™t know how fresh my mouth was after using the Colgate Max Fresh With Mini Breath Strips toothpaste.
However, I do know that it certainly didnâ€™t help make me fresh with the ladies.
Item: Colgate Max Fresh With Mini Breath Strips Toothpaste
Purchase Price: $3.79
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Mini breath strips give the toothpaste a nice minty bite. Nice minty burn. Helps whiten teeth. My poetry can rock a womanâ€™s world.
Cons: Fresher than I am. Toothpaste is a little too liquid. Pricey for only 4 ounces.