I figured this Christmas season would be a great time to test the new Colgate Max Fresh With Mini Breath Strips toothpaste because I could probably get some lip action with the help of some mistletoe.
Although I have to admit, I’ve never kissed anyone under the mistletoe before. Actually, I’ve never seen real mistletoe and I didn’t know how to get my hands on some.
Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t find any real mistletoe, but I did find some fake mistletoe at a craft store.
So armed with my fake mistletoe, I ventured out to see if some lucky lady would give me a kiss. Unfortunately, even with the mistletoe, I couldn’t get any takers.
Now I’m not too sure why I didn’t get any lip action. It could have been how I asked:
When I first saw you, I was like “Whoa.â€
You are so beautiful, you know.
Come here and let me kiss you under the mistletoe.
Nah, it couldn’t be that, because that’s frickin’ poetry that would make any woman’s heart melt like butter in the microwave.
Now that I think about it, maybe I got rejected because I recited the poem like I was a 1970’s pimp.
Anyway, if you haven’t seen this new toothpaste from Colgate, it’s a gel that contains tiny breath strips, which gives the toothpaste a nice winter bite. Kind of like a York Peppermint Pattie.
That bite eventually turns into a little burn, somewhat like the ones Listerine and Selsun Blue give you, which eventually you’ll get used to. But that burn is a good thing because in my years of experience with personal care products, I have learned two important rules: (1) The more it burns, the more it’s working. (2) When it starts burning away flesh, it’s not working anymore.
Since I didn’t get a chance to kiss anyone, I don’t know how fresh my mouth was after using the Colgate Max Fresh With Mini Breath Strips toothpaste.
However, I do know that it certainly didn’t help make me fresh with the ladies.
Item: Colgate Max Fresh With Mini Breath Strips Toothpaste
Purchase Price: $3.79
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Mini breath strips give the toothpaste a nice minty bite. Nice minty burn. Helps whiten teeth. My poetry can rock a woman’s world.
Cons: Fresher than I am. Toothpaste is a little too liquid. Pricey for only 4 ounces.
Just an FYI, Mistletoe is a parasitic vine that lives high up in trees where it can get sun. The easiest way to get it out of said tree is to shoot it out with a shot gun. However, my sister has mistletoe growing in a tree right by her second floor balcony. She still prefers to shoot it out.
yay! you got a new camera?
I came here via Blog Explosion, which (if you can believe it), I joined just so I could read blogs, NOT increase traffic to my own. Little did I know that I couldn’t rate/comment on other people’s blogs unless I put my own blog up for the world to see. I guess that’s fair. Bah.
So I figured I’d just drop in here and tell you that you have a funny blog going on here. Great stuff!
I actually use this toothpaste and love it. It is expensive though, but I used to buy the Colgate breathstrips (VERY expensive) and got hooked on putting one in my mouth every 10 seconds or so. Happy New Year Marvo!
I got this “toothpaste” too…not sure if i like it…I think the hardest part is opening the cap. It’s a flip cap, which is uber secure since it’s a liquid, not a paste. I was expecting it to be “cooler” too. Ok yeah, I don’t really like this so-called paste.
I’d a kissed you and so would my dawg. She loves those breath mints and lunges at the kids when they eat them. Bleargh.
I got that stuff, but the one without the breath strips in it. My only gripe is that unless you store the bottle upside down, once you starting getting towards the bottom, it’s a pain in the ass to squeeze onto the toothbrush.
ps, sorry to hear you didn’t get any tongue action. 😉
kimdog – Mistletoe is a parasite. Wow, we’ve got a lot in common.
suzanne – yup, I’m pretty sure I’ll do a review in the near future.
Spring – Like my favorite convenient store worker likes to say, “Thank you. Come again.”
Aymie’s Mom – Must we have an intervention because of your addiction?
akiko – Yeah, the cap is hard to open. Or I’m a total wuss.
Kate – If your dog was around, I would’ve settle for it.
Webmiztris – I didn’t get to first base, I didn’t even get to step out of the dugout. So sad.
Next time…try throwing in a little “Nice Shoes…” line, while breathing really heavy in their direction with your Cresty mint breath. Girls love that.
of course…you should use your Colgatey mint breath if you’re reviewing Colgate.
I’m going back to my corner now.
Mia – So it should’ve went like this:
When I first saw you, I was like “Whoa.â€
You’ve got nice shoes, you know.
Come here and let me kiss you under the mistletoe.
Don’t knock the “nice shoes line.” I have a friend that got that one to work!
Ayesha97 – Hey there. I like your shoes. Where did you get them from?
So did it work on you?
And on that note, if you’ve seen the commercial with the lispy lady, did you notice that it really sounds like she’s saying “mini breast strips”? I did. I can’t buy that toothpaste now. That’s not something I’m interested in…