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Hefty HandySaks
By Marvo | February 2, 2005
Being the editor of a quasi-product review blog, I feel it is sometimes my duty to be an advocate for consumers. Today, it is one of those times, as I determine whether or not Hefty is lying to us.
According to the packaging for their HandySaks, they have “101 On The Go Uses.”
How can a product have 101 uses? I can’t think of another product that even comes close to that many uses. For example, a condom. With it you can have protected sex, make water balloons, pull it over your head and try to blow it up, stick it on a doorknob as a practical joke, make condom animals, and that’s about it.
I’m thinking Hefty said “101 uses” because they figured no one in their right mind would actually try to come up with 101 uses.
Hello, Hefty, I am no one in their right mind.
So for the past couple of hours, I have tried to come up with as many uses for these HandySaks as possible.
Here’s what I have:
- Trash bag
- Head cover for the ugly person you’re having sex with
- Barf bag
- Walrus condom
- Plastic overalls for a child
- Shower cap
- The worst mask you could ever use to rob a bank
- Cheapest bowling ball bag EVER
- Drool collector
- Deadly weapon
- Worst replacement for car airbag
- Dog muzzle
- Ineffective umbrella
- Something contestants must eat during Fear Factor episode
- Imaginary friend
- Dandruff catcher
- Bib
- Portable Potty
- Barbie parachute
- Cell phone static sound maker
- Blindfold
- Elephant condom
- Noisy bra stuffer
- Dog poop collector
- Temporary aquarium
- Hide porn purchases
- Unsafe ghost costume for children
- Replacement KKK hood
- Tank top
- Clothes hamper
- Worst balloon ever at the Macy’s Day Parade
- Surrender flag
- Ashlee Simpson muzzle
- Punching bag
- Replacement for feather in the next Forrest Gump movie
- A place to stash your weed
- Diaper bag
- Something to put on your doorknob to let your roommate know you’re getting it on
- Hobo purse
- Chihuahua carrier
- Horse condom
- Water bucket
- Noisy crotch stuffer
- Fog camouflage
- Bonnet
- Protect bald heads from sunlight
- Cheap fake Santa beard
- Wind measurer
- Michael Jackson face mask
- Trash
- Armpit sweat collectors
- Floatation device
- Dishwashing gloves
- Bondage toy
- Environmental hazard
- The new tumbleweed
- The new black
- Sea life strangler
- Hyperventilation aid
- American Idol contestant
- A cloud in a diorama
- Corny car antenna decoration
- Marvo condom
- A place to store old toenail clippings
- Temporary Underwater Breathing Apparatus (TUBA) (Thanks Lou)
- Hobo shoes (Thanks Lou)
- Sack for sack races (Thanks Lou)
- Hang it on wall and use it as a shelf-sack (Thanks Lou)
- Backpack (Thanks Lou)
- Wedding favors (Thanks Mir)
- Insulation (Thanks frymaster)
- Balloon (Thanks jenny)
- Ghetto Car Windshield (Thanks Damon)
- A bag to stick bags into (Thanks Mellie)
- Ghetto car bra (Thanks Webmiztris)
- Ugly dress (Thanks Webmiztris)
- Put under sheets to protect mattress from pee stains (Thanks Webmiztris)
- Keep your feet dry when you’re wearing leaky boots (Thanks Webmiztris)
- Suitcase substitute for poor people (Thanks Webmiztris)
- Big Foot’s Socks (Thanks Goldberry)
- Grape squishing shoes (Thanks Goldberry)
- Vet gloves (before they stuff their arms into a horse) (Thanks Goldberry)
- A pocket bib (Thanks Goldberry)
- Granny Panties (Thanks Goldberry)
- A jump rope out of ALL the bags in the package (Thanks Goldberry)
As you can see, I came up with only 64 uses, which is still a lot, but not the 101 uses Hefty advertised. Maybe I’m just lazy and there are many more uses for it.
Well let’s find out. Can you come up with more uses?
Update: Okay, okay, okay. Apparently, there ARE over 101 uses for these Hefty HandySaks. I’ll admit Hefty, I was wrong and you were right. I’m sorry, I will never doubt you again. You ARE waaaay better than Glad.
Item: Hefty HandySaks
Purchase Price: $1.04
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Loose-change-in-couch-cheap. Handy. Condensed. Lots of uses.
Cons: Bags are shaped weird. Lots of uses, but not 101 uses.
Topics: Home |
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February 2nd, 2005 at 1:52 am
Temporary Underwater Breathing Apperatus (TUBA)
Hobo Shoes
Sack for Sack Races
Hang it on a wall and use it as a shelf-sack
Backpack
And thats about it
February 2nd, 2005 at 3:55 am
I had to go and look at my little thingy of these, because I keep them in my car for garbage and I’ll be darned! It DOES say 101 uses! Wow. the things you find…
February 2nd, 2005 at 4:13 am
Marvo, how many times a day do you think about your penis? Just curious.
February 2nd, 2005 at 4:29 am
Bondage toy???
February 2nd, 2005 at 5:05 am
Wow, the thing about armpit sweat collector actually made me gag.
February 2nd, 2005 at 5:59 am
I’m sensing a trend… every paragraph I read the word “condom”. Hmmmmm…
February 2nd, 2005 at 6:00 am
Marvo, will you marry me? We can fill the Hefty bags with wedding favors.
February 2nd, 2005 at 7:37 am
uh, how about the obvious: “insulation”. this summer i stuffed 4500 glad ultra-rugged™ 80 litre orange leaf bags (with extra twist ties) into my attic. it’s rated at r3!
February 2nd, 2005 at 7:50 am
number 63,, lol,, your a gem marvo
February 2nd, 2005 at 8:12 am
Now, you know I love you Marvo…but let me be the first to say that you have waaaaay too much time on your hands. Thanks for the laugh…..again!
February 2nd, 2005 at 8:20 am
Blow it up, tie the handles in a knot, add a string and it’s a balloon. Not a good one, but let’s not get picky. Are these basically just grocery store bags with no logos? Because I’m thinking- huh?? What genius came up with this idea? These lovely items are actually free with the purchase of groceries.
February 2nd, 2005 at 9:17 am
You Can use it as a Ghetto Car Windshield.?
February 2nd, 2005 at 9:39 am
Actually, I think that there are more than 101 uses. For example, go to the grocery store and pick 101 items off the shelf. Put each one in one of the bags.
In fact, there a thousands of uses. I should work for Hefty’s marketing department.
February 2nd, 2005 at 1:16 pm
Lou - Thanks, I’m now up to 69 uses. Heh, 69.
Claire - As a product reviewer, I must take a look at everything about the product, even the packaging.
Jenny - Hmm…Let’s see. When I take a shower, when I have to pee, when I think of Rachael Ray, and when I measure it.
Chana - You can use it to bound your partner’s arms and legs to the bed posts.
Lorien - I thought the old toenail clippings would make people gag. I guess not.
Aymie - I actually had to take out a few, like bull condom, zebra condom, and hippo condom.
Mir - Wow, you sure move fast. I hardly know you. Now we’re up to 70 uses.
February 2nd, 2005 at 1:20 pm
frymaster - 71 uses. Ah ha ha.
Tara - Although, I don’t enjoy using them in that way. Okay, okay, I never got to use them in that way.
Aymie’s Mom - You know what, you’re absolutely right.
jenny - 72 uses. Yeah, I have dozens of the free plastic bags in a box. I should stick a whole bunch of them in a box and sell it as, “Bags in a Box”
Damon - Oh, that really ghetto. 73 uses.
Paul - Oh you’re no fun, that’s too easy.
February 2nd, 2005 at 2:56 pm
Maybe we should ask the makers of Hefty bags to tells EXACTLY what the 101 uses are. I think your list is excellent , but many of those use would be bad publicity for them, sot they’d be down to about 40.
February 2nd, 2005 at 3:37 pm
I’m with Jenny on this. Why would anyone buy these when you get them free? How in the hell did these things get the green light? Some executives son was interning in the Hefty design division?
February 2nd, 2005 at 3:56 pm
Use ‘em as a “Bag Bag” - a device into which you stuff all the *free* bags you get from the supermarket. SIDE NOTE: Did you hear that in San Francisco, they are considering charging 17 cents per plastic or paper bag in an effort to help the environment? Now which is cheaper: the super’s bags or these Hefty bags?
February 2nd, 2005 at 4:47 pm
Oh you guys are good.
on a separate note:
I’m trying to raise money for March of Dimes: Walk America through a blog raffle. Have anything you can contribute to the prizes?? Maybe a banner or blog design? A fantastic guest post? A call-out on your fabulously popular blog? A copy of your favorite book? A cd of the most wonderful songs? One of your favorite reviewed products?? Visit me if you do… or just if you want more info!
If not, no problem — but be sure to come visit (and donate if you can!) next week!
p.s. If you’re willing to link to me next week to send traffic the raffle’s way, let me know & I can send you the code for a pretty button!
February 2nd, 2005 at 7:21 pm
John Rogers - I bet they don’t even have a list of 101 uses. That’s marketing for you.
kimdog - We can get water at home, but yet people will spend $1 on a bottle of water at a store. You know what, we should pool all of our grocery plastic bags together and start a company that sells bundles of grocery plastic bag. We could sell 10 bags for 50 cents. We’d make a fortune, that would turn into nothing after splitting the money up with all the people who brought their bags.
Oh well.
Mellie - 74 uses. 17 cents!!! Someone is going to be making bucko bucks off of that. My sister lives in SF, maybe I should send her some plastic bags.
principessa - Sorry can’t offer anything, but we will definitely send some traffic your way.
February 2nd, 2005 at 10:05 pm
Gawd, you’re so funny!!! It could be a homeless woman’s purse.
February 3rd, 2005 at 6:26 am
hilarious!!
ghetto car bra
ugly dress
to put under sheets to protect mattress from pee stains (that would probably be for children)
to keep your feet dry when you’re wearing leaky boots
suitcase substitute for poor people
I’m really struggling for ideas at this point…
February 3rd, 2005 at 7:25 am
Big Foot’s Socks
Grape squishing shoes
Vet gloves (before they stuff their arms into a horse)
A pocket bib
Granny Panties
Can you fit 8 heads in there?
You could make a jump rope out of ALL the bags in the box.
February 3rd, 2005 at 11:12 am
Webmiztris - See, it’s so frickin’ hard to come up with 101 uses. I don’t know how Hefty came up with that number.
Goldberry - Fit 8 heads in ONE BAG?! Are you suggesting a fraternity challenge, like trying to fit as many people into a telephone booth?
February 5th, 2005 at 8:56 pm
I use them as a mat to collect hair clipping when I cut my friend’s hair.
February 6th, 2005 at 4:41 am
Doggy bag for left-overs in Chinese restaurants
February 6th, 2005 at 6:55 am
With a magic marker, it could easily be turned into a designer knock-off purse, just add a few Ls and Vs.
Now, #63, Marvo, you are such a tease! I still don’t see a phone number posted for a booty call
February 6th, 2005 at 8:08 am
Here are a few quick ideas…
Surrender flag?
Fill with sand and place under shirt to simulate pregnancy, mainly for men.
Bookmark?
Rain poncho (depending on size of wearer)
Fill with air, tie — field expedient flotation device!
Tie around head for a tres chic head band (Come on, all the cool kids are doing it)
Toga! Toga! Toga!
February 6th, 2005 at 10:42 am
I have some ideas…
A sail boat sail patch.
A face sheild for CPR (so you don’t get barfed on)
Stewart Little’s parachute.
Poor guy’s hiking pack.
A laundry bag.
A mexican’s rain poncho
A hobo’s tent.
A hobo’s blanket.
Santa’s recycleable present bag.
Something for tree-huggers to protest about.
A very dangerous lampshade.
Dr. Kevorkian’s new euthanasia tool.
An ineffective biohazardous needle catcher.
An arm sling support.
David’s 21st century sling. (David and Goliath)
A school book cover.
A vaccuum bag.
A dumb person’s fish net.
A poor hiker’s water bottle.
A third-world-country shower (poke some holes in it.)
An enima bladder.
A sled.
Jeff Gordon’s window net.
February 6th, 2005 at 10:33 pm
jen - Honestly, I don’t need ANOTHER stalker right now.
February 7th, 2005 at 4:42 am
Marvo, it’s ok, I’ll wait
February 8th, 2005 at 3:14 am
a really sucky water balloon thats hard to pop
a canvas for modern art
the shirt in the “im too sexy” video
a pot of gold
lunchbag
jello mold
antler cozy
February 16th, 2005 at 12:08 am
[...] he United States and Canada. Sorry, the rest of the world. Entries will be stuffed into a Hefty HandySak and when it’s time to pull winner we will shake it like it was a Pol [...]
February 16th, 2005 at 6:45 am
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