Lean Pockets Three Cheese & Chicken Quesadilla

Lean Pockets Quesadilla

OH. MY. GOODNESS.

What a battle we had between the Mexican Mercenary and the Italian Stallion!

At first, it seemed like the Italian Stallion would win, thanks to the efforts of the Stallion’s tag team partner, Meatballs & Mozzarella Ultra Lean Pocket, who came in and socked the Mexican Mercenary with a metal folding chair when the referee wasn’t looking.

However, the Bacon, Egg & Cheese Lean Pocket came to the rescue of the Mexican Mercenary and slammed the Meatballs & Mozzarella Ultra Lean Pocket through the announcers table and then hit the cheater right in the meatballs with another metal folding chair.

The Mexican Mercenary eventually pulled away and finished off the Italian Stallion with his signature move, the Jalapeno Popper.

So what did the winner get?

It received the same prize as the loser, a trip to my stomach.

Now I don’t know if it’s because I ate this and totally screwed up my taste buds, but I swear the Lean Pockets Three Cheese & Chicken Quesadilla tasted like a BEEF taco.

Not like a Taco Bell/Del Taco/Taco Time (circle one) beef taco, more like those really crappy beef tacos that were served in my elementary school cafeteria or the ones I attempted to make at home after watching one too many Food Network specials about Mexican food.

I’m not too sure why it tasted like a beef taco, but my guess has something to do with the three cheeses stuffed into this Lean Pocket, which are cheddar, mozzarella, and blue cheese. That’s a lot of cheese.

Ooh, dare I say, an orgy of cheese?

You know what? I think they would sell a ton more of these if they renamed it to Lean Pockets Three Cheese Orgy & Chicken Quesadilla.

Anyway, I guess I should’ve expected the weird taste coming from a low-fat product, since that usually is the case when companies try to make healthier versions of food that’s normally bad for you. But you got to give credit to the Lean Pockets, who try so hard to be like their older sister, the original Hot Pockets.

Unfortunately, the Lean Pockets will always be known as the Hot Pockets’ less talented and less beautiful, younger sister, who also has a tendency to lip sync.


Item: Lean Pockets Three Cheese & Chicken Quesadilla
Purchase Price: $2.25 (on sale)
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Low fat. Three frickin’ cheeses! It’s an orgy of cheeses! Excellent source of calcium, protein, and fiber.
Cons: Tasted like beef tacos, which would be a good thing, if there was actually any beef in it. May not be liked by those who don’t approve of orgies. Less talented and not as pretty as original Hot Pockets.

9 thoughts on “Lean Pockets Three Cheese & Chicken Quesadilla

  1. And that is why the Lean Pockets ended up in the WWF, while the Hot Pockets attend tony upscale parties and schmooze with the Beautiful People in trendy bistros.

  2. What I would like to know is why we need to see a woman’s giant-sized, well-manicured cartoonishly computerized hands fingering the Lean pocket on the package.

  3. Mellie – No, I think Bagel Bites are served in trendy bistros.

    Peggasus – What would be even more wrong is having the blue cheese turn everything blue.

    Master Foley – Yes, you are the Master, my friend. Thank you.

    Kristin – Because women have more beautiful hands than men and the possibility of women having hairy knuckles is very low.

    Jamie – SHHHH!!! Don’t give them any ideas!!!

  4. I’m thrilled with your choice to rate the quesedilla lean pockets. I’m not so sure if I want to eat chicken that tastes like beef because I thought it’s always supposed to be the other way around. Anyways, I still maintain that higher fat content means better quality.

  5. Andrea – Yes, I agree with you. The more fat, sugar, carbs it has the better it’s going to taste. Heck, I’ve even switched from margarine to butter.

    Webmiztris – (Insert Jessica Simpson Chicken of the Sea joke here)

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