(Editorâ€™s Note #1: RSS and Atom feeds are working again…I think/hope)
(Editorâ€™s Note #2: Today, Iâ€™m a guest blogger for Mellie at Golly Blog Howdy. She offered to homeschool my future children, if I made an appearance on her blog. With an offer like that, I couldnâ€™t refuse. But then again, if I never have children, due to things like wearing really tight underwear, a swift kick to my balls, getting castrated while in a crazy cult, or scaring women away when I take off my clothes, Iâ€™ll get the raw end of this deal.
Anyway, Iâ€™ve written a review for her blog, which is almost the exact same review as the one below. However, the review on her blog is, um, how can I put it? Rated PG. The review below is the usual PG-13 or TV14, for you TV ratings geeks. So after you read the PG-13/TV14 review below, go read the PG version at Golly Blog Howdy.)
Thereâ€™s a container on my shelf that I specifically use for loose change and the occasional button. Recently, that container became full and I needed to figure out a way to get rid of the loose change.
I couldâ€™ve taken them to a bank and have the teller who helped me dream of shoving an adding machine down my throat. Or I couldâ€™ve given them to the panhandlers that hang outside of the convenience store down the street and watch them drown out their problems with alcohol. Or I couldâ€™ve stuck them in between my couchâ€™s cushions, so that I can finally say I found loose change in between a couchâ€™s cushions.
I eventually decided to cash them in using a Coinstar machine, which can count my coins for me. Sorry, drunk-ass panhandlers.
First, I had to find a Coinstar machine, which I did by visiting their website. There, I just inputted my zip code and the site told me where the nearest Coinstar machine was.
The nearest machine was at the locally-owned grocery store down the street that I hardly step into because their prices are slightly more expensive than the national grocery store chain I usually shop at.
I grabbed my container of coins and walked to the store. Unfortunately, this was a bad idea, because I had to pass the convenience store, and guess who were hanging out there. Yes, the panhandlers.
Now, when theyâ€™ve ask me for loose change in the past, Iâ€™ve told them that I didnâ€™t have any. This time, I couldnâ€™t say that with ten pounds of loose change in a container that was impossible to hide.
I really hoped they were too drunk to notice the Fort Knox of loose change I held in my hands. Fortunately, they were.
When I got to the store, there already was a guy unloading a small cooler of pennies into the Coinstar machine. I waited for 15 minutes as he dump over 5000 pennies into the machine.
After waiting and being amazed that 5000 pennies could fit into a small cooler, I began to dump my coins into the machine, which accepts pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, half-dollar coins, and dollar coins.
One cool thing I read about the Coinstar machine is that it can detect if youâ€™ve accidently slipped in buttons, Japanese Yen, Canadian coins, other foreign coins, or those stupid penny souvenirs that are worth less than a penny. If you happen to stick in non-American money or crappy penny souvenirs, it will drop it into the slot labeled â€œCoin Return,â€ which seems kind of ironic to be called that.
When the machine was done counting my coins, it spit out a receipt that showed me how much money I put into it. My gross total was $50.06, but the machine subtracted an 8.9 percent processing fee. So my net total was $45.60.
After I got my receipt, I headed to the cashier with the shortest line to cash-in the receipt. For me, the shortest line was the four-items-or-less line, which also had the prettiest cashier. When I got to the pretty cashier, I handed her my receipt and she opened her register to get the money.
While counting the money, she asked me, â€œWhat are you going to with the money?â€
Internally, I said, â€œWell, how about you and I spend it on dinner at a nice restaurant?â€
Externally, I said, â€œUh, I dunno,â€ and then walked away.
(Iâ€™m such a pussy.)
As I walked out of the store, I began asking myself questions to figure out how to spend the money.
â€œHow many products can I review with this money?â€
â€œCould I really feed an entire village in Ethiopia for just 25 cents a day?â€
â€œCould I use an iPod Shuffle?â€
â€œHow many tricks can I get with this scratch?â€
I eventually decided to use the money to help with the purchase of an iPod Shuffle.
Purchase Price: FREE to use (8.9 percent fee for every dollar of coins counted)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Easy to use. Convenient. No need to roll coins. Takes all types of coins, except those stupid penny souvenirs. Can turn your loose change into an iPod Shuffle.
Cons: Noisy. Drunk panhandlers. I am a pussy.