REVIEW: Burger King Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

BK Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

Dear Darius Rucker,

My name is Marvo and I’m a big fan of Hootie and the Blowfish, except for that last album you guys did in 2003. I will also admit, for about six months, I didn’t know you were African-American until I saw one of your music videos on MTV.

I’m writing this letter in regards to the Burger King commercial you did for the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch. I was wondering how much dignity you have left, because you were a multi-platinum recording artist and now you’re a burger salesman.

Don’t you know that once a celebrity loses all of his or her dignity, they become like Michael Jackson or a cast member on a reality show?

Although, I will admit the song you sing the in commercial is catchy, like your song “Only Wanna Be With You.” The Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch song has been stuck in my head for the past couple of weeks. As a matter of fact, my roommate swore he heard me singing the song in my sleep one night while I slept on the living room couch.

But this is not about me singing the song, it’s about you singing the song. This burger selling has to stop before it gets worse and you end up singing songs about insurance or cell phone service plans.

Imagine having to sing a song like this:

I love my cell phone service plan
It allows me to talk to anyone I like
Let’s me call relatives and friends
Free calls on weekends and nights

There’s no roaming charges
Almost everywhere I goes
Receiving text messages are free
I can download ringtones

I love my cell phone service plan
Caller ID and voice mail are slick
Keeps me from receiving prank calls
Since my number was on Paris’ Sidekick

Besides, have you actually eaten a Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch? I know, in the song you sing about how you love the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch, but I’ve tried it and I don’t love it.

First off, in the song you sing about how there are streams of bacon ranch dressing, but there’s got to be a drought or something, because at the Burger King I went to they were pretty stingy with it.

Darius Rucker

Also, I know YOU can afford it, but I paid an arm and a leg to buy the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch “value meal.” For the price I paid, I expected you to pop out from behind the counter and start singing the song to me.

I know it’s a very hearty sandwich with chicken breasts that grow on trees, tumbleweeds of bacon, and cheddar that paves the streets, but I wish it tasted better.

So please Darius Rucker, stop with the commercials. Please don’t make me feel sorry for you, because if you do, I’m gonna have to buy your solo albums out of pity.

Your fan,


Item: Burger King Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch
Purchase Price: $6.59 (Value Meal)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Hearty sandwich. Bacon and cheddar. The Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch song is catchy. Hootie and the Blowfish’s last album sucked.
Cons: Not a lot of bacon ranch dressing taste. Pricey. Messy burger. Darius Rucker is an insurance commercial away from losing ALL of his dignity.

46 thoughts to “REVIEW: Burger King Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch”

  1. Come on people, I LOVE THIS COMMERCIAL!
    I’m a professor of communications at a major Southern California university and I plan to show this in my introduction to mass media course.
    Burger King’s spot is hilarious in its sarcasm, random sexual imagery and lampooning of country, hip-hop, popular culture and advertising itself.
    The lyrics are so dryly funny (how can anyone seriously take these lyrics which sardonically promise bliss by eating this crap?) and set to a catchy tune, you can’t help but remember it. Hell, I hardly eat fast food and this makes me wanna try the damn sandwich. And as for Darius Rucker, can’t you tell from his cheesy, wink-wink smile and that he’s in on the joke as he lip-syncs the lyrics for the camera? Let’s face it, Hootie and the Blowfish completely sucked, as they were the blandest rock band in the history of the genre and their success was a complete fluke. Now that they’ve had their 15 minutes of fame, Darius is good-naturedly making fun of himself. Brilliant ad.
    One of the best I’ve seen in years.
    ya get to veg’ all day/
    All the Lotto tickets paid/
    There’s a king who wants you to have it your way/
    That’s the tendercrisp bacon cheddar ranch!
    I’ve memorized the words!

  2. Gil – Wow, you’re going to show the commercial in your class. That’s cool, but not as cool as when my American Studies professor showed Japanese softcore porn in class. Those were good times. Good times.

  3. see? I was just waiting for someone to tell me how that tasted, and there you go, writing a review. okay, so i’m a few posts late.

    all i can say is that using sex to sell burgers is sad, and even though I can’t blame Darius Rucker for it (they would have gotten someone else), Burger King ought to be ashamed.

    congratulations, Gil, for bringing this commercial to your class. admittedly, i missed the Hip-Hop lampooning (care to share? seriously, i’d like to know), but everything else was certainly spot-on, and i really hope you’re right about Mr. Rucker making fun of himself, since everyone else is now…

  4. The commercial is a riot! And anytime you can be on TV with Brooke Burke and Vida Guerra and get this kind of buzz…

    I’d have done it for free 🙂

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