REVIEW: Burger King Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

BK Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

Dear Darius Rucker,

My name is Marvo and I’m a big fan of Hootie and the Blowfish, except for that last album you guys did in 2003. I will also admit, for about six months, I didn’t know you were African-American until I saw one of your music videos on MTV.

I’m writing this letter in regards to the Burger King commercial you did for the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch. I was wondering how much dignity you have left, because you were a multi-platinum recording artist and now you’re a burger salesman.

Don’t you know that once a celebrity loses all of his or her dignity, they become like Michael Jackson or a cast member on a reality show?

Although, I will admit the song you sing the in commercial is catchy, like your song “Only Wanna Be With You.” The Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch song has been stuck in my head for the past couple of weeks. As a matter of fact, my roommate swore he heard me singing the song in my sleep one night while I slept on the living room couch.

But this is not about me singing the song, it’s about you singing the song. This burger selling has to stop before it gets worse and you end up singing songs about insurance or cell phone service plans.

Imagine having to sing a song like this:

I love my cell phone service plan
It allows me to talk to anyone I like
Let’s me call relatives and friends
Free calls on weekends and nights

There’s no roaming charges
Almost everywhere I goes
Receiving text messages are free
I can download ringtones

I love my cell phone service plan
Caller ID and voice mail are slick
Keeps me from receiving prank calls
Since my number was on Paris’ Sidekick

Besides, have you actually eaten a Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch? I know, in the song you sing about how you love the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch, but I’ve tried it and I don’t love it.

First off, in the song you sing about how there are streams of bacon ranch dressing, but there’s got to be a drought or something, because at the Burger King I went to they were pretty stingy with it.

Darius Rucker

Also, I know YOU can afford it, but I paid an arm and a leg to buy the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch “value meal.” For the price I paid, I expected you to pop out from behind the counter and start singing the song to me.

I know it’s a very hearty sandwich with chicken breasts that grow on trees, tumbleweeds of bacon, and cheddar that paves the streets, but I wish it tasted better.

So please Darius Rucker, stop with the commercials. Please don’t make me feel sorry for you, because if you do, I’m gonna have to buy your solo albums out of pity.

Your fan,

Marvo

Item: Burger King Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch
Purchase Price: $6.59 (Value Meal)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Hearty sandwich. Bacon and cheddar. The Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch song is catchy. Hootie and the Blowfish’s last album sucked.
Cons: Not a lot of bacon ranch dressing taste. Pricey. Messy burger. Darius Rucker is an insurance commercial away from losing ALL of his dignity.

46 thoughts on “REVIEW: Burger King Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

  1. I’m crying … for Darius, of course … and for you, Marvo … for taste-testing that sandwich so that we won’t have to. If it’s any consolation to Hootie lovers, at least Darius wasn’t wearing pajamas. On second thought, the cowboy gear is even more disturbing.

    Where’s my kleenex?

  2. Oh my. That commerical is awful. He must really be hurting for some money to do that commerical. I feel bad that you had to taste that burger. I have not come accross it where I live is it only out in a few markets. I would have really thought I would have seen the commerical by now. I am glad you put a link to it to give me the opportunity to witness what the rest of America has. Burger King should just stick to the Whopper!!!

  3. Even with the Rhinestone Cowboy getup, I still think he has more cred than Mark McGrath shilling on Access Hollywood.

    OK, maybe not. But it’s close.

  4. Toni – It’s really him in the commercial. I just have a feeling that this is just the beginning of his commercial career. ::Shudder::

    Anne – What’s H.R. Puffenstuf? I’d Google it, but I’m lazy.

    Julie – Don’t cry for me Julie, I’m okay. I have the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch song stuck in my head, that’s all. I’m sure another commercial jingle will replace it soon.

    Becky – But my question to you is: Are you singing the song, yet?

    Peggasus – Wait, Mark McGrath has cred?

    Hugh – Thank you, fellow Earthling?

  5. Ok I am not singing the song yet, but I am sure that is only because I have only heard it one time. After that one time I can see how you would have it in your head all the time. It is very catchy. By the way no Yahtzee today? I thought it was going to be in every review, or did i read that part wrong?

  6. becky – You know, the thing about catch phrases is that if you do it too many times, it loses its effectiveness. Also, timing it essential with catch phrases. If I do it at the wrong time, the catch phrase won’t catch on.

    Yahtzee!

  7. If it’s the commercial I’m thinking of (and please God let there not be multiple commercials like this), that is a blatant rip-off of a great song from the movie “O Brother Where Art Thou” (“In the Big Rock Candy Mountain”). The original is very cute; it is a song by a tramp about how he wishes the world were. The rip-off frightens me, and I think Hootie has sold his soul.

  8. Nancy – Wow, I didn’t know about “Big Rock Candy Mountain.” I listened to it on iTunes and it sounds just like the song in the commercial. BTW, I think everyone calls him Hootie, even though he’s not Hootie.

  9. You know I did not think about that!! I guess that is why you are writer and I am the reader!!! I have started singing that song I hope you are happy.

  10. That sandwich is horrible.
    I don’t know about you but The One I had must have been made by a blind man. There were enough Red Onions on the sandwich to kill a young child.
    The Ranch Dressing…Or Should I say WANCH (Watered Down Ranch) was horrible. The Bheese (Brick Cheese) was like mortar.
    My Dogs Liked it though!

  11. I’m personally hoping that BK decides to axe the commercial and spend the money improving the burger. One more exposure to weird flying bacon slices and I’ll have to institutionalise myself.

  12. Damon – Maybe I had WANCH dressing in my sandwich too. BTW, is there anything your dogs don’t like?

    Nic – I think the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch is only around for a limited time, so in a few weeks it will only be a memory that keeps repeating itself in our heads.

  13. I actually like the commercial and I’m sure their well aware of rewriting “In the Big Rock Candy Mountain” since they’d have to clear it legally. Personally, I think Hootie and the Blowfish was bland music that made for filler for easy rock stations. Their music is mediocre at best. But I actually like this commercial. It’s got “ridiculous nonsense” written all over it, but in a good way. As for the sandwich, it’s been over a decade since I’ve stepped into a McDonald’s or Burger King, and this commercial isn’t about to get me to come back either.

  14. Becky – They must love you at work. 😉

    Goldberry – No, it wasn’t, but I’m sure another one will show up sooner or later.

    Doofnard – Haven’t stepped into a McDonald’s or Burger King for over a decade? Dude, you’re lucky you don’t run a quasi-product review blog.

  15. BK (or, more properly, their ad agency Crispin Porter + Bogusky) didn’t “rip off” Big Rock Candy Mountain; the jingle is obviously based on the original. Simply using the melody doesn’t constitute unethical use.

    For that matter, Big Rock Candy Mountain didn’t originate with “O Brother”. I know it’s hard for some people to conceptualize further back than the 90s, but the song came out the Depression. Some of us actually heard it before “O Brother”; just as the use of the song endeared me to the movie, so did it’s use in the commercial endear me to that.

    Personally, I think it’s one of the most creative TV spots that’s come down the pike in a long time. As a timely comparison, it beats the hell out of all this year’s Super Bowl ads (notably rival McDonald’s lame “Lincoln Fry” commercial). Not that it’s persuaded me to actually go to Burger King…

  16. CT – I like Crispin Porter + Bogusky ads. Okay, actually the only ones I knew of before the BK commercials were the Truth ads.

    Damon – Human flesh? Muahaha. Muahaha.

  17. “…There’s a train of ladies comin’ with a nice caboose…”
    “…Your wildest fantasies come true; Dallas cheerleaders give you shaves…”
    “…All the lotto tickets pay…”

    I think I’ve found a way to earn some big cash, suing BK for untruthful representation of their product. Unless…hey Marvo, did any of those things happen for you when you ate that sandwich?

  18. Mellie – Nope, but I wouldn’t want to sue them, too much time. Although I would like to get a refund for the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch I ate.

  19. I always thought Hootie was a racist who sung about Jews. “I Only Wanna be a Jew” and “I’ve gotta hand for a Jew. I wanna run with a Jew.” I could keep going…

  20. A-Dub – If you keep buying it, the commercial gods will keep playing it.

    schmims – I thought he was gay and sang about dudes, “I Only Wanna Be With Dudes.” 😉

  21. I was so impressed with this commercial I had to Google it to find out how it is doing. People either love it or hate it. I love it. I even went to BK for the first time in years and tried one. I Tivo’d the commercial to nail down all the lyrics and I still think the “F” word is lurking in the last verse. Any comments on that?

  22. Oskar – Go download the video. Rip the audio. Convert it to an MP3. Load it onto your phone and there you go!

    Jeff J – People either love or hate this blog too. As for the “F” word, I don’t hear it, but when I listen to Eminem at the same time, then I hear it. 😉

  23. Scott – You’re right it’s just a commercial and not the end of the world, but if it was Clay Aiken instead of Darius Rucker, then it would be the end of the world.

  24. Come on people, I LOVE THIS COMMERCIAL!
    I’m a professor of communications at a major Southern California university and I plan to show this in my introduction to mass media course.
    Burger King’s spot is hilarious in its sarcasm, random sexual imagery and lampooning of country, hip-hop, popular culture and advertising itself.
    The lyrics are so dryly funny (how can anyone seriously take these lyrics which sardonically promise bliss by eating this crap?) and set to a catchy tune, you can’t help but remember it. Hell, I hardly eat fast food and this makes me wanna try the damn sandwich. And as for Darius Rucker, can’t you tell from his cheesy, wink-wink smile and that he’s in on the joke as he lip-syncs the lyrics for the camera? Let’s face it, Hootie and the Blowfish completely sucked, as they were the blandest rock band in the history of the genre and their success was a complete fluke. Now that they’ve had their 15 minutes of fame, Darius is good-naturedly making fun of himself. Brilliant ad.
    One of the best I’ve seen in years.
    ya get to veg’ all day/
    All the Lotto tickets paid/
    There’s a king who wants you to have it your way/
    That’s the tendercrisp bacon cheddar ranch!
    see?
    I’ve memorized the words!

  25. Gil – Wow, you’re going to show the commercial in your class. That’s cool, but not as cool as when my American Studies professor showed Japanese softcore porn in class. Those were good times. Good times.

  26. see? I was just waiting for someone to tell me how that tasted, and there you go, writing a review. okay, so i’m a few posts late.

    all i can say is that using sex to sell burgers is sad, and even though I can’t blame Darius Rucker for it (they would have gotten someone else), Burger King ought to be ashamed.

    congratulations, Gil, for bringing this commercial to your class. admittedly, i missed the Hip-Hop lampooning (care to share? seriously, i’d like to know), but everything else was certainly spot-on, and i really hope you’re right about Mr. Rucker making fun of himself, since everyone else is now…

  27. The commercial is a riot! And anytime you can be on TV with Brooke Burke and Vida Guerra and get this kind of buzz…

    I’d have done it for free 🙂

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