The other week, Impulsive Buy reader Emily sent me an email asking if I could review the new Reeseâ€™s Cookies. I instantly agreed because she claimed they were so good that they would give me an orgasm (1), and I am not one to miss out on an orgasm (2).
Although, after thinking about it, I began to hope that trying to orgasm (3) from the Reeseâ€™s Cookies wouldnâ€™t turn out like the last product that someone claimed would give me an orgasm (4).
Remember those Herbal Essences shampoos? You know, the one with the commercials that have a beautiful woman having an orgasm (5) while washing her hair? Well I remember seeing that commercial and thinking if the Herbal Essences could make a woman have an orgasm (6) that easily, it must be damn quick on a guy.
However, after two weeks of washing my hair with it, I didnâ€™t orgasm (7) once. At first, I thought there was something wrong with me biologically. Then I thought maybe I had to wash my hair longer. Or maybe I needed some kind of instrument to help. Despite all of my washing efforts, I didnâ€™t have an orgasm (8).
However, a few months later I did orgasm (9) using the Herbal Essences shampoo, while looking through a Victoria’s Secret catalog. But it didnâ€™t happen while washing my hair. It happened while â€œwashingâ€ my…
Oh wait, I think this is a bit too much information. Iâ€™m sorry, just ignore the last paragraph.
Anyway, finding the Reeseâ€™s Cookies turned out to be harder than trying to orgasm (10) while washing your hair with Herbal Essences shampoo. I checked all the usual places I shop at, but I couldnâ€™t find them. I began thinking that the Reeseâ€™s Cookies were so good that people everywhere were buying them as quickly as the stores could put them on the shelves.
Then finally, this past weekend, while shopping for Herbal Essences shampoo, I found a box that contained Reeseâ€™s Cookies 4-packs. Fortunately for me, there were two packs left in the box. I pinched myself to make sure I wasnâ€™t dreaming and then grabbed the two packs like I was Cookie Monster.
Me want COOKIE!!!
When I got home I placed one of the packs into the freezer, like our friends at The Message Whore suggested (who also REALLY liked the Reese’s Cookies), and eagerly ripped open the other pack. Each cookie consists of a crunchy chocolate cookie and a layer of peanut butter on top of it, with everything dipped in milk chocolate. It looked DAMN good and smelled DAMN good.
I quickly popped an entire cookie into my mouth. â€œOh-oh-oh my goodness,â€ I thought to myself. â€œThese are DAMN good, but whereâ€™s the orgasm (11)?â€
â€œMaybe it was a dud cookie,â€ I said and then ate the rest of the pack, but again nothing happened.
Maybe I had to chew more slowly. Or let it melt in my mouth. Or look through a Victoria’s Secret catalog while eating them. However, I tried all of those things with the second pack of Reeseâ€™s Cookies I pulled out of the freezer, but still didnâ€™t have an orgasm (12).
Although I didnâ€™t have an orgasm (13), I wasnâ€™t disappointed. The Reeseâ€™s Cookies were VERY satisfying and I wished I had more. They are so good, if the Girl Scouts made cookies exactly like these, Thin Mints would definitely be their bitch.
Yes, they are that good.
Item: Hersheyâ€™s Reeseâ€™s Cookies
Purchase Price: 99 cents (4-pack)
Rating: 10 out of 10
Pros: Really, really, really good. DAMN good! Victoria’s Secret catalogs. Eating them might cause an orgasm (15) for some.
Cons: I didnâ€™t get an orgasm (16) from them. Maybe difficult to find, because they are so good.