REVIEW: Burger King Ultimate Double Whopper

Written by | April 25, 2005

Topics: 8 Rating, Burger King, Fast Food

Burger King Ultimate Double Whopper

First it was the Enormous Omelet Sandwich and now it’s the Ultimate Double Whopper. Burger King, when are you going to learn that no matter how large your sandwiches are, they won’t ever compensate for your small penis.

Not everyone can have a HUGE wang like White Castle. So don’t try to be like Hardee’s, with his Monster Thickburger. He only made it because the huge SUVs and sports cars he bought couldn’t deflect ALL the attention away from his really small dick.

Besides, so what if you have a small dong. Subway has one too, but the difference between Subway and Hardee’s is the fact that Subway knows how to use it with the ladies. Remember it’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean…and how long you go down on her.

Anyway, when I picked up the Ultimate Double Whopper, I felt really guilty about eating it on Earth Day last week Friday. On a day that people celebrated conservation and all life on this planet, I devoured half a pound of beef, two slices of American Cheese, several strips of bacon, pickles, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and mayonnaise, all in between a sesame seed bun.

It was gluttony at its greatest.

Fortunately, I didn’t eat it at one of the many Earth Day celebrations, because the beef alone would’ve made vegan hippies want to beat me down with their hemp bags.

The first thing I noticed about the Ultimate Double Whopper was its thickness. If you don’t have a big mouth or you aren’t an anime character, you might have a difficult time eating it. It may not look that thick in the picture above, but I had to do some squishing before sticking my chomps into it.

The Ultimate Double Whopper was very good, but this didn’t surprise, since I’m a fan of the regular Whopper. It had that familiar Whopper taste, but the extra beef patty, slices of cheese, and bacon made it also taste like a burger from such fine sit-down establishments with annoying versions of the birthday song, like Chili’s and TGI Friday’s. With all of that stuffed into a burger, the Ultimate Double Whopper was kind of messy, but most big burgers are.

Personally, I think the Ultimate Double Whopper is better than any of Burger King’s overhyped Angus Steak Burgers.

I’d post the nutritional values for the Ultimate Double Whopper, but it’s not available on the Burger King website, which means either Burger King is too afraid to post it or the Ultimate Double Whopper was a figment of my imagination, caused by the excessive calories, fat, and sodium from my McDonald’s Dollar Menu binge the other week.

Whether it’s real or not, I probably won’t be ordering another one anytime soon, because something like the Ultimate Double Whopper has to be ungodly unhealthy, but for those of you who are curious and don’t have any heart conditions, I’d recommend it.

Even if you have a small penis.

Item: Burger King Ultimate Double Whopper
Purchase Price: $5.59 (with $1 off coupon)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Pretty good. Better than BK’s Angus Steak Burgers. Thick burger, unlike the size of Burger King’s penis.
Cons: Pricey. Not something anyone should eat on a regular basis. People with small mouths might have trouble eating it. Kind of messy. White Castle has a bigger penis than I do.






24 Comments For This Post I'd Love to Hear Yours!

  1. Goldberry says:

    Bombadil and I went out to try one the day you posted this bad boy. Holy Crap did it taste good, but Holy Crap was my belly upset afterwards. It coulda choked my baby I am carrying!! That’s one large greasy sandwich! Glad I tried it, even though I picked off the rubbery bacon.

  2. marvo says:

    Goldberry – Oooh, it was greasy good. Sticks to your ribs!

  3. Tymo says:

    WOW
    2 “Beef” patties with Whopper flavor
    4 Slices Processed Cheez
    8 Strips o’ bacon

    Pretty decadent – and I thought the Carl’s Jr Breakfast Burger was the ultimate achievement in lipemia (fried egg, bacon, hash brown nuggets, cheese, ketchup, all-beef patty, on a sesame-seed bun).

    I don’t know what kind of penis the Ultimate Whopper has, but I’m afraid there might be one ticked in there between the tomato and bacon strip #3 of 8.

  4. marvo says:

    Tymo – I’m just waiting for fast food joints to go triple. How about an Ulitmate Triple Whopper? Or a Triple Big Mac?