Burger King Tendercrisp Garden Salad

Written by | May 25, 2005

Topics: Burger King, Fast Food, Food

Burger King Tendercrisp Garden Salad

How many of you remember the McDLT?

For those of you who weren’t born yet, too young to remember, or have been boycotting McDonald’s because of their globalization efforts, the McDLT was a burger in a treehugger-gasping styrofoam container with two compartments.

This special container kept the “hot side hot” and the “cool side cool,” which is the same way I like to separate my underwear. The “hot” thongs and silk French-cut briefs go in one drawer and the “cool” boxers, boxer briefs, Underoos, and elephant trunk crotch briefs go in another drawer.

I don’t know why McDonald’s got rid of McDLT.

Oh wait, I do know. It was a retarded idea.

Anyway, Burger King seemed to have jumped on the “hot side hot, cool side cool” bandwagon about two decades late with their Tendercrisp Garden Salad. The cool side comes in the standard plastic bowl with a clear cover, while the hot side comes in a white plastic pouch.

Burger King calls this white plastic pouch, “The Pouch,” which is the most unoriginal name since “The Big Bulge,” which was the name I gave my elephant trunk crotch briefs.

The Tendercrisp Garden Salad contains hot chunks of breaded Tendercrisp chicken, which you pour from “The Pouch” on top of iceberg, Romaine, and spring lettuce, grape tomatoes, red onions, cucumbers, Parmesan cheese shavings, and garlic Parmesan toast (croutons). Then to top off all of that is a Garden Ranch dressing.

When I received my order, the salad came in a clear plastic bag specifically made for Burger King salads. It sort of made me feel special. Although I have to admit, clear plastic bags are great for fast food salads, but for privacy reason, bad for the dozens of boxes of condoms purchased for your neighborhood orgy.

After taking my first bite of the Tendercrisp Garden Salad, I realized I forgot an important lesson about ranch dressing and Burger King food.

Just like the lessons of love and good style, I have yet to learn the lesson of avoiding any Burger King item that uses ranch dressing, because it isn’t very good. I’ve reviewed the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch and the Angus Bacon Cheddar Ranch and in both reviews I found that the ranch dressing didn’t have much taste.

The same can be said about the Garden Ranch dressing that came with the Tendercrisp Garden Salad.

Not even the plastic Burger King fork liked the salad. One of its prongs broke on one of the pieces of garlic Parmesan toast, which was probably the fork’s way of avoiding the salad.

Okay. Okay. The fork breaking was my fault, not the salad’s.

Anyway, maybe the salad might have tasted better with another dressing, but with the Garden Ranch dressing, it wasn’t very good.


Item: Burger King Tendercrisp Garden Salad
Purchase Price: $5.49
Rating: 2.5 out of 5
Pros: Wide variety of vegetables. Colorful. Separate pouch for chicken. Special clear plastic bag made for Burger King salads.
Cons: The garlic Parmesan toast broke my plastic fork. Cool Garden Ranch dressing wasn’t very cool or very ranch-y. High sodium. High fat. The name “The Pouch.” The name “The Big Bulge.”






25 Comments For This Post I'd Love to Hear Yours!

  1. gko says:

    I guess that’s better than calling your briefs the Enormous Omelet Sandwich.
    It’s got Meat, Eggs, and Cheese.

  2. Becky says:

    You are so right about the Post Seinfeld Jason Alexander. Do you believe in the Seinfeld curse? Also have you seen the show that Larry David does on HBO Curb Your Enthusiam? It is great you should check it out if you haven’t yet since I thought you said once you are a Seinfeld fan.

  3. marvo says:

    Ken – The Big Salad…(Insert salad tossing joke here).

    gko – No, actually I think that’s a better name. :-)

    Becky – I like Curb Your Enthusiam, it’s very Seinfeld-ish, but I guess it would be since Larry David is starring in it.

  4. marvo, that sucks! they must give you a shitty brand of dressing out there on the rock…out here they give you Paul Newman’s Own Ranch Dressing with the salads and it’s delish!! well, at least they do with the bacon ranch tendercrisp salad – I don’t know about with the garden salad.

  5. marvo says:

    Webmiztris – What? You get Paul Newman dressing and you’re in bumfuck nowhere. If only they built a bridge from here to the mainland.