How many of you have wondered what would happen if you licked Yoda?
Okay. Okay. How many of you have wondered what would happen if you licked Yoda, in either a drunken or high state while watching Attack of the Clones, because thatâ€™s the only way you could tolerate the bad acting?
After this wonderful nugget of a question popped into my head, an avalanche of questions began rolling in my mind.
Would I get the same psychedelic feeling that people get from licking a toad?
Would I gain Jedi powers?
Would warts form on my tongue?
Would Yoda get turned on, light up his â€œother lightsaber,â€ and say â€œLong time, me love you?â€
Also, what does Yoda taste like?
Well thanks to Layâ€™s Dill Pickle Stax potato crisps, I now know the answer to one of those questions. Apparently, Yoda tastes like dill pickles. However, this surprised me because I thought he would either taste like the swamp water of Dagobah or Bengay.
What also surprised me was the fact that the Layâ€™s Dill Pickle Stax potato crisps are actually good, if you like dill pickles.
It doesnâ€™t have a very strong taste like eating an actual dill pickle, but I think it would make a great replacement in your sandwich. Just crush a few of them and sprinkle a layer on your sandwich. Mmm…Yahtzee!
Poor Yoda. From his look on the Layâ€™s Dill Pickle Stax container, I can tell he doesnâ€™t look too happy that his dill pickle secret is out.
Unfortunately, as all celebrities find out, having no privacy and having your secrets being told is the price for fame. Look at Natalie Portman. There are topless photos of her all over the internet, real and fake.
Although, as O.J. Simpson and Robert Blake found out, a small benefit of being a celebrity is being able to get away with murder.
Iâ€™m surprised Yoda didnâ€™t sense this invasion of privacy coming. Oh wait, thatâ€™s right. Fame is a part of the Dark Side. â€œHard to see the future is. Cloudy is the dark side.â€
Well Iâ€™m not ashamed of my unibrow, so Yoda shouldnâ€™t be ashamed that he tastes like dill pickles, because it couldâ€™ve been worse. He couldâ€™ve tasted like cigarettes, alcohol, heroin, and bitch, like Courtney Love does.
Item: Layâ€™s Dill Pickle Stax
Purchase Price: $1.50 (on sale)
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Surprisingly good. Yoda doesnâ€™t taste like the swamp water of Dagobah or Bengay.
Cons: Limited edition. Thoughts of Yodaâ€™s â€œother lightsaber.â€ The price of fame.