Natural Lay’s Sea Salted Kettle Cooked Potato Chips

Lay's Sea Salted Potato Chips

After opening a bag of Natural Lay’s Sea Salted Kettle Cooked Potato Chips and smelling them, I felt eating them on my living room’s couch, while watching ESPN SportsCenter, in my stretched-out, four-year old Late Show with David Letterman t-shirt and surf shorts was not the right atmosphere to consume this bag of chips.

So I closed the bag, sealed it with a Chip Clip, and headed out the door.

About 20 minutes later, I found myself sitting in the middle of a crowded beach, surrounded by imported sand, beautiful women in bikinis, children laughing, and many failed attempts at sand castles. I breathed deeply and let the salty air, mixed with various scents of sunscreens and tanning lotions, fill my lungs.

“Aaah, this is a much more appropriate place to enjoy these chips,” I said to myself, as a bronzed blond in a string bikini passed by. “Even the sand in my crack feels right.”

I removed the Chip Clip and reopened the bag of Natural Lay’s Sea Salted Kettle Cooked Potato Chips and began chowing them down.

These chips were very different from your normal Lay’s potato chips. First off, they were noticeably thicker and crunchier. They were so crunchy that they actually drowned out part of the argument some couple next to me were having about how his eyes were wandering around the beach looking at all the other women.

However, I REALLY wished the crunchiness could have somehow drowned out the accidental sight of seeing a hairy, overweight guy wearing a blue Speedo coming out of the water, with either pubic hairs or the legs of dead spiders sticking out from behind his Speedo.

Ugh! I think that image will forever be etched onto my brain, but at least I found out the hard way that the water was cold.

The chips were pretty good and were a nice golden brown, but they weren’t as good or as golden brown as the cute Asian girl who was tanning to the left of me in a skimpy yellow floral bikini.

I would’ve gone and talked to her, but my paleness would’ve made us look like a set of salt and pepper shakers, and her buff, golden brown boyfriend next to her would’ve kicked my ass.

Besides being thick, crunchy, and golden brown, another thing that made these chips good was the sea salt, which gave the chips a nice salty taste that you could actually see on each chip.

Finally, the last thing I liked about these chips was the fact that there were no preservatives, no added colors, and nothing artificial. I wish I could’ve said the same for a trio of college girls that were walking up and down the beach, because their six slightly bouncing boobs looked totally fake.

Well at least the image of six fake boobs wrote over the image of the overweight guy in a Speedo.

Item: Natural Lay’s Sea Salted Kettle Cooked Potato Chips
Purchase Price: $3.99
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Pretty good. Thick. Crunch. Nothing artificial, like fake boobs.
Cons: Kind of pricey for the size. Overweight guys in Speedos. Sand in my crack.

32 thoughts to “Natural Lay’s Sea Salted Kettle Cooked Potato Chips”

  1. Damon – I think if you want to get the full effect of this review, I should’ve taken a picture of the big guy in Speedos.

    nat – Yup, they’re in the Candy, Cookies, and Chips group.

    Lucy – Here’s another image to replace the guy in the Speedo. Imagine me with a Trojan Mint Tingle condom, a banana, and my heterosexuality. Now I put the condom on top of the banana. Then I suck on it like a circus seal. Is that a better image? 🙂

    Bryan – We may not have raw sewage, but we do have tourists. Lots and lots of tourists.

    Aaron – Both are MMM good, when they’re all natural.

  2. what? they’re covered in salt? I’m sold!!

    the only sea salt I’ve ever eaten was consumed by accidentally being sucked under in the ocean, and I couldn’t enjoy that salt because I was concentrating on, “WHERE’S THE FUCKING SURFACE!?” at the time.

  3. IIRC, Speedo is the name of the company. A swimsuit made by them would then be a Speedo, right? Speedos implies more than one. Pluralizing it gives Speedo’s. I have spent entirely too long at school today.

    :: laugh ::

    Of course, Marvo, you probably would have appreciated if he was wearing multiple tighty spandexies.

  4. Becky – No problem.

    Webmiztris – Not totally covered in salt. Just your typical sprinkle of salt. Enough to give it taste, but not enough to raise your blood pressure.

    The Complimenting Commenter – Holy crap! The Complimenting Commenter left a Complimenting Comment. Now all I need is to be burned by a blog review blog and I can retire.

    theinfamousj – You are correct, it should be Speedo. As for the big guy, I really wished he was wearing a robe or a muumuu.

  5. I’d be curious to know how they stack up, ingredient- and nutrition-wise.

    I know that sounds stupid when you’re talking about potato chips, but the Utz kettle chips (the ones in the brown bag marked “Grandma Utz”) are cooked in LARD. Imagine what that does for the calorie/cholesterol count. You might as well be eating Crisco off a big spoon right out of the can.

  6. Dude…just when my mouth was watering at the thought of kettle chips, you just had to ruin it with the description of the Speedo guy 😛

    Yeah, why IS it that most dudes you see wearing teeny tiny Speedos are old, greasy looking, fat guys with a huge gut?

  7. Claude – Mmm…Lard. I don’t think these were cooked in lard, because the calorie count was low and it had no cholesterol.

    celebrate woo-woo – Mmm…Jalapeno.

    Toni – Speedo ads should focus their attention on greasy looking, overweight guys. Instead of having some chiseled model or swimmer in their ads, they need to put in the big guys with guts.

  8. LOL this is funny…i just found out about this site cause i wanted to look up how much the crunch wrap supreme at Taco bell waz…so i checked out other thingz n gott 2 these sea salted kettle cooked chipz…i dunno if i tried em already but i tried other kindz of kettle cooked n MM-MMM…nice reviewz too butt no more speedo n more breastssss

Comments are closed.