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Jack Black Beard Lube Conditioning Shave
By Marvo | August 4, 2005
With all the women’s products I’ve been reviewing (and the other woman’s products I’ve been “testing”), it seems like I’ve forgotten about products specifically made for men. So today’s review on Jack Black Beard Lube will remedy that.
For those who don’t know, I grow facial hair significantly faster than it takes for a new reality show to pop up on television. I usually shave everyday, but sometimes I like to have fun with my fast growing facial hair.
For example, I’ll grow my beard out for about four months, part my hair, put on a pair of glasses, throw on a sweater vest, pretend I’m a Fullbright scholar, eat nothing but bread for a week, and after that week is over, I’ll comb my beard to see how many crumbs and other things it has collected.
Or sometimes I like to grow my goatee REALLY long, gently stroke it, and say in an evil tone, “Soon the whole world will be mine. Muahaha. Muahaha.”
Like I said before, I usually shave everyday, and for the past three weeks I’ve been using the Jack Black Beard Lube. It’s a combination of pre-shave oil, shaving cream, and skin conditioner, which is good because instead of three different containers for each product, you get one product that contains all three.
(Editor’s Note: No, it’s not Tenacious D’s Jack Black.)
The Jack Black Beard Lube isn’t like any other shaving cream or gel I’ve used. Perhaps the major difference is the fact that it doesn’t foam like regular shaving gels and creams.
The color of it is white, but it goes on clear, like you’re putting on a moisturizer or KY Jelly. This is handy if you want to be able to see where you’re shaving, but sucks when you want to use the foam to pretend you’re Santa Claus or Papa Smurf.
When I put the Jack Black Beard Lube on, there’s a slight tingling sensation on my face. This is caused by the eucalyptus and peppermint, which stimulates the skin. The eucalyptus can also attract slutty koalas.
It also contains Jojoba and Macadamia Nut Oil, which softens the beard, makes it easier to shave, and entices the slutty koalas to stroke your face.
But then again, they are slutty koalas so I guess they don’t need to be enticed to stroke anything.
Shaving with the Jack Black Beard Lube feels different than shaving with another gel or cream because of the lack of foam, but it did create a nice comfortable, lubricated shave. However, it didn’t give me the bikini-oil-wrestling-match-type of lubrication that I got with the Art of Shaving Sandalwood Shaving Cream, which I reviewed at the beginning of the year.
However, despite not having the bikini-oil-wrestling-match-type of lubrication, the Jack Black Beard Lube did give me a better shave than the ones I’ve gotten from using my usual Edge shaving gel.
Buying six ounces of Jack Black Beard Lube will set you back $15.00, but if you want a close shave and want to attract slutty koalas this maybe the right product for you.
Item: Jack Black Beard Lube Conditioning Shave
Purchase Price: $15.00 (6 ounces)
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Comfortable, close shave. It’s a pre-shave oil, shaving cream, and skin conditioner, all-in-one. No foaming means you can see what you’re shaving. Eucalyptus may attract slutty koalas.
Cons: Pricey. No foaming means no Papa Smurf. Eucalyptus may attract slutty koalas.
Topics: Personal |
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Jack in the Box Natural Cut Fries
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August 4th, 2005 at 4:53 pm
Great review! I’ve used this stuff before. I think they’ve changed the packaging, but it sounds like the product is unchanged.
I ended up switching to the King of Shaves “K-Series” line of shaving gel because it is way cheaper (about $5 a bottle) and works just as well… (www.shave.com)
Truth is, I just couldn’t stand the slutty koalas in the morning.
August 4th, 2005 at 6:43 pm
Stephen - I’ve been curious about the King of Shaves products. Thanks for the tip. Yeah, koalas will do anything for eucalyptus.
August 4th, 2005 at 8:06 pm
>:(
I thought this was Tenacious D’s own. Im angry now.
(nice review, BTW, as always.
)
August 4th, 2005 at 8:10 pm
If only someone would create a shaving cream that made you look like Papa Smurf AND attracted slutty koalas…
August 4th, 2005 at 8:57 pm
I like King of Shaves products. http://www.shave.com or you can find some of their stuff at the Red Circle stores. I use their moisturizer/sunscreen, and I sometimes use their shave oil and shave gel, which is low foam. Sounds like you had a close shave with regards to those koalas in heat. Damn, now I’m nervous about visiting Australia.
August 4th, 2005 at 10:31 pm
HIM - Nope, it’s not. It’s not even a tribute.
Larry - Well, those slutty koalas would certainly love playing with my Papa Smurf beard.
Chuck - Hmm…You’re the second person in four comments to mentions King of Shaves products. I must try them.
August 5th, 2005 at 4:39 am
Thanks to this review, I now see koalas in a whole new light. I once thought of them as adorable, eucalyptus munching mammals who used intercourse as a means of reproduction only. Now I am aware of the problem of slutty koalas, roaming the streets at night looking to get their freak on, being especially attracted to men’s shaving products containing eucalyptus. I’m now scared to even use Vicks Rub. Don’t think I could handle the koalas stroking both my face AND my chest.
On the other hand, this product sounds awesome. But $15 for 6 oz??? I use Kiss My Face shaving cream which is the best I’ve ever used and it only costs $5. Though it doesn’t have macadamia nut oil. Or eucalyptus. So maybe I should splurge and get ready for some hot koala loving.
August 5th, 2005 at 4:43 am
Do you think it would work well on my legs? Or is it a “men’s” only product lol.
August 5th, 2005 at 6:42 am
Yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if this was from Tenacious D…. we all know Jack Black needs a shave.
August 5th, 2005 at 8:02 am
Do you think because you live on the big rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, that things are more expensive? That’s what I’m thinking.
August 5th, 2005 at 9:05 am
I’ve never encountered a slutty koala, but I did have a run in with a loose llama at the zoo. She stole my soda, and ate my skittles. She so would have put out if I swung that way, but llama is a little too freaky for me. Now koala, that might be more managable.
August 5th, 2005 at 9:10 am
Well, when you add the price of the skin conditioner and the pre-shave oil to the price of your edge shaving gel, is this 3 in 1 still real expensive?
August 5th, 2005 at 9:23 am
Is it me, or do the words “beard lube” conjure up images that have nothing to do with shaving?
August 5th, 2005 at 9:23 am
I LOVE Tenacious D’s Jack Black.
The other guy? I don’t know.
I guess he’s OK.
August 5th, 2005 at 10:29 am
Pel - Don’t forget, they’re marsupials and the babies are forced to eat koala poor. No really, they are!
Lucy - I bought this product from Sephora and the employee who helped me out said that she uses this product on her legs. So I say go for it.
Brandon - Yeah, as for Kyle…Not so much.
Valerie - A lot of things here are more expensive than they are on the mainland, but I think this product is $15 no matter where you go.
Amy in GA - The llama stole your soda and ate your skittles. I think that llama had a serious case of the munchies.
Muneer - If you get the cheap skin conditioner and change the pre-shave oil to vegetable oil, it’s still cheaper. Unless you substitute extra virgin olive oil for the vegetable oil.
Editrix - Let me think…The image of beard lube I have in my mind is Grizzly Adams being dunked into a gigantic tub of vasoline.
Webmiztris - Yeah, Kyle is too quiet. He’s sort of the Teller, except Kyle talks a little bit more. But they both look like they could be serial killers.
August 5th, 2005 at 10:30 am
Hey Lucy, I wondered about using it for legs, too. I got a visual of marvo testing it, then having koalas humping his legs. They would probably go for the sexy one.
August 5th, 2005 at 10:34 am
I just found your blog via Blogs Of The Day.
Awesome site. You’ve got me laughing my ass off. Thanks
August 5th, 2005 at 11:26 am
Wired - I think if the koalas wanted to hump my legs they would prefer hairy legs. Also, you can use this product on your legs. The salesperson at Sephora said she uses it on her legs. Sorry I didn’t feel her legs.
andy - Thanks Andy!
August 5th, 2005 at 2:19 pm
“Soon the whole world will be mine. Muahaha. Muahaha.”
–if you keep writing these awesomely funny reviews, that is probably true!
August 5th, 2005 at 3:13 pm
Jack Black Beard Lube…Jack Black Beard Lube… Back Lack Jeard Blube…
I wonder how Mr. Black came to call this beard lube? Was it ever used for another (possibly more sinister or perverted) purpose?
One thing you do have to give the ladies toiletries: We have nice names: Morning Guava Shave Cornucopia of Cream and Essences, etc.
August 5th, 2005 at 5:42 pm
Beard lube seems like an antidote to beard burn.
August 6th, 2005 at 1:35 am
nat - Wait. My reviews will make everyone be my slave and build statues out of gold for me. Wow. What a fringe benefit!
Moosigal - I haven’t tried, but I don’t think it would be a good product for a more perverted purpose. No, really I haven’t tried. Actually, I didn’t even think of it until you mentioned it. Dammit! Now it’s in my mind. Now you got me thinking about it. Nah, the eucalyptus and peppermint tingle probably won’t feel good.
Sar - It may not be an antidote, but it does a nice job of preventing it.
August 6th, 2005 at 9:01 pm
Slutty koalas, you say? Thankfully you had the foresight to place it in the positive and negative section. It’s got me interested in the product.
August 7th, 2005 at 3:09 pm
Ken - Yeah, I had to put them in both, because I know there are some people out there who like a slutty koala. I believe they’re all a part of the Slutty Koala Klub.
August 9th, 2005 at 6:29 am
Koalas might look cute but I saw on Animal Planet or read somewhere once that if the non-alpha males try to mate with the alpha femal then the alpha male bites their balls off. Crazy, huh?
August 9th, 2005 at 10:20 am
caitlin - That has to be the worst form of castration EVER.