Vault

Whenever something comes back from the dead and rises out of its grave, I usually expect flesh-eating zombies or a new Tupac Shakur album.

However, this time around what came back from the dead was a citrus soda called Surge, which now has the witness protection agency-like name of Vault. After Surge was killed off, there was a movement to bring back Surge, and Vault was the result of it.

It’s Coke’s answer to the ever popular, totally xtreme, and Yellow No. 5 containing Mountain Dew. As someone who has done the dew way too many times, I noticed that there are some minor similarities between Vault and Mountain Dew.

1. They both come in the same green that the radioactive rod shown during the opening of the Simpsons comes in.

2. They are both citrusy. Although, Vault does have a better citrus taste, which sort of reminded me of a Sprite.

That’s pretty much it for the similarities.

On the other hand, the differences between the two are pretty significant.

1. I felt Vault was easier to drink than Mountain Dew, because it doesn’t have the same bite as Mountain Dew. However, it’s not as easy to drink as Vault’s clear, caffeine-free, wussy-ass, and 7-Up wannabe cousin, Sprite.

2. Vault has more caffeine than Mountain Dew. A 12-ounce serving of Vault contains 70.5 milligrams of caffeine, while Mountain Dew has 55 milligrams per 12-ounce serving. It may not seem like much, but that difference could mean being able to stay up to watch the ENTIRE unedited Lord of the Rings trilogy or just the edited-for-TV version of the Fellowship of the Ring.

Or for those of you who want a porn reference, a can of Mountain Dew will probably get you through the Whore of the Rings I, while a can of Vault will maybe get you through Whore of the Rings I, II, III, and maybe IV and V.

So which one do I prefer? It’s hard to choose one because I really like them both. It’s sort of like choosing cute kittens at kittenwar dot com.

However, due to the bite of Mountain Dew, I would probably drink one if I needed a slap-to-the-balls-type of wake up. However, if I wanted something easier to drink and with more caffeine, I would do the Vault.

Although, I probably could get the same slap-to-the-balls feeling with the Vault, if I slapped my balls with a Vault bottle.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Alena, Rob, and Damien for suggesting Surge…Er, I mean Vault to review.)


Item: Vault
Purchase Price: 89 cents (20-ounce)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Easier to drink than Mountain Dew. Good citrus taste. 70.5 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine in every 12-ounce serving. New Tupac albums after his death. Kittenwar.com
Cons: Its green color reminds me of the radioactive rod shown during the Simpsons intro. A slap to the balls. Flesh-eating zombies.

31 thoughts to “Vault”

  1. Uh oh, I got THE spot…
    I think I should try Vault. Mountain Dew isn’t one of my favorites due to its super sweetness. Easier to drink? MORE caffeine??! Citrusy is good, but is it as sweet as Mountain Dew? (crosses fingers)

    Worth a shot anyhow, I’m tired

  2. Wow! Thanks for pointing me towards the kittenwar site. I started making cutesy sounds at the computer.

  3. Actually.. it is quite a bit better than Mountain Dew, and yea.. the taste is pretty similar. And compared to other sodas, they are actually pretty cheap.

    And slapping your balls with the bottle.. that was an image I didn’t need. And now… it won’t go away. *shudder*

  4. Great. Thanks Marvo. I got totally distracted by the cute kitties. What were you reviewing again?

  5. Nothing says “good morning” like a slap to your balls from a plastic soda bottle. Marvo, you have a gift for imagery.

  6. When shopping for citrus sodas, nothing beats a good Squirt. Not as syrupy as mt dew. Have you ever had an ice cold squirt? (bet you’ve never been asked that before) I am sure your review of a Squirt soda would provide for plenty of good ball slapping imagery as well as more porn references!!

  7. Wow, thanks for bringing the ball-slapping-with-a-bottle image to the minds of the masses. Kinky!

    Does Vault have actual orange juice in it like Mountain Dew does? I’m always suprised how the Dew has it, but things like Sunkist or orange Fanta don’t.

    And did you realize how dirty Mountain Dew sounds? I just realized it now. I wonder if it has anything to do with thinking about ball-slapping.

  8. Great! So Surge is back.Now I can resume me life threatening habit of eating a bag of Zapp’s Gator Tators and a bottle of Surge…uhh Vault.
    More caffeine and salt than anyone should consume in an entire session.Though I guess through your suggestion if I feel like I’m going overboard,I could hit myself in the balls with the bottle.Thanks for saving my life.Ball smackin’,Vault drinkin’,potato chip muchin’ here I come!!

  9. So, I’m wondering something…

    Is this Fresca with real sugar? Or is it Mello Yello with more caffeine?

    I live in the SW so we don’t get Mello Yello, but I know it’s basically like Mountain Dew.

  10. When will it all end? WHEN?

    Al, Zapp’s are sublime. I wish I had me some! Since I moved away from the Gulf coast, I’ve ordered boxes of chips from Zapp’s a few times and they never last long enough! Hotter ‘n Hot Jalapeno….Cajun Crawtators…Cajun Dill…MMMMMM. Marvo needs some of these!

  11. I love Mello Yello, even though I never drink it because of its empty calories. At least it’s nice to be in the south so I at least have the option to drink it! The question is, why make Vault when CoCo already has Mello Yello?

  12. I bought one..drank it. It’s official Coco-Cola’s Vault beats out Pepsi’s Mountain Dew AND Coke’s Mellow Yellow…wait 2 Coke products of the same nature?! Anyone been on a Sprite drought for awhile?…I found Vault to be much like the “perfect” Sprite out of a fountain….not super citrusy but just enough and more bubbly than Mountain Dew, therefore causing a greater kick or slap, whichever is preferred, to the ball or ball-less area…WOW!! Tasty stuff!
    Wondering if a request for video coverage on just how slapping this product can be…..

  13. Was that last comment a a complete thought…No. Did I drink vodka before I tried a Vault?…yes.

  14. I don’t get it? Why don’t they just expand Mello Yello’s market and put the marketing dollars into known product?

  15. I was wondering where Surge went. Since Vault is citrus flavored, is it closer to MD Live Wire, or still to OG Mountain Dew?

  16. Awesome, that review came out just as I suspected it would XD

    Great product to drag me through a two hour long session of Art History along with catching up on two years worth of reviews on this site. Campus-wide wireless internet is the best!

  17. No slapping of the balls!
    Please! Those, i’m certain, are tender to the touch.
    🙂

    i saw this at my neighborhood “RALPHS” sooper-market today and was wondering about it. Now I know.

    Nice Tupac reference. Like a mushroom, yooou isss one verrrry fungi.

  18. The cool thing was that when I returned to my computer with a new bottle of Vault, I got the reply you sent me telling me you’re reviewing this. Coinsidence? I don’t think so…

  19. The ball slapping makes it sound painful…luckily I don’t have balls. I may have to try it though as I work 12 hour shifts in hell, I mean at the weather station, at night. Maybe I’ll enjoy the radar echoes more if I’m actually awake…p.s. heres a random rant…for all of you who saw that crappy movie The Fog YOU CANNOT SEE FOG ON A DAMN RADAR. But I digress.

  20. ick! I hate MD, but my husband loves it, so he might like Vault.

    I practically on OD’d on MD when I was 15…we’d stay up all night partying, drinking Dew. yeah, I was badass.

  21. skibs – My momma always told me, sweet is as sweet does. If you’re tired and need a shot, go for the Vault.

    Melbatoast – Like, “Awww!!!”, “CUTE!!!”, and “I could eat you up, yes I could!”

    Andy – I think the price is just an intro price to get the Dew Dudes to try it. As for slapping balls with bottles, it’s worse with pants off than with pants on.

    Mir – That’s okay, the ball-slapping was at the end of the review so you got to read almost all of the review. As for the ketchup effect, all I have to say is “ouch” and why were they speaking in Chinese?

    Pel – I was reviewing the not so cute and not at all furry Vault.

    Chuck – If there was an alarm clock that slapped guy in the balls instead of making an annoying alarm sound, it would definitely be the most effective alarm clock ever…and a semi-effective sterilizer.

    Jude – I’ve had Squirt a few times…chilled. I’ve learned that people love porn references.

    Mandy – Yes, it does have orange juice, or as OJ Simpson likes to call it, OJ. Wait. Are you talking about the soda or bodily fluids from certain places?

    AL – Let me tell you that the ball slapping with the bottle is more effective when the bottle is full.

  22. random – I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean so I don’t have access to Mello Yello. I definitely don’t think it’s Fresca with real sugar, although I’ve never tasted Fresca with real sugar.

    nat – Marvo needs less salt in his diet. Needs to eat more tofu.

    Toni – Just stay away from the Vivarin and No-Dose!

    Dewayne – I think they’re trying to make soda names that involve the last few letters of the alphabet. Also, I don’t think Mello Yello is available throughout the US.

    skibs – If I were on the TV show Jackass, I would probably do it.

    Walter – I think the Surge fanatics were going to burn Coca-Cola down if they didn’t do something about it, so they introduced Vault.

    Bryan – After awhile, you start picking the ulgy kittens because you feel sorry for them.

    Muneer – I definitely prefer Vault over MDX. It’s got a better taste, although I don’t know if it has more caffeine.

  23. Rotten Arsenal – Give me clam chowder!

    klew – It’s closer to MD. Vault has a more lemon-limey taste.

    Rhawb – I wish I could log on to the university’s wireless network, I’m really close to the school, but apparently not really close enough. Also, TWO HOURS of listening to an art history lecture. I’d rather make two hours of art in the form of scribbles in my notebook.

    Karen – I think my ex-girlfriends would agree, I am a clingy fungi.

    Damian – You and Vault were meant to be.

    Nicki – I guess radar echoes are soothing like a babbling brook if you can fall asleep to them.

    Webmiztris – If it was on a school night, it would be even more badass.

  24. I am drinking one here in the morning, and i don’t mlike how citrusy it is, same problem I had with the MDX. And I feel like I am funding terrorism by buying something from the Coke company. PepsiCo FTW.

    With MD as the baseline, I give it a 2/5. With Sprite as the baseline, I give it a 4.5/5.

    kthx. And with this blog post really old, nobody is going to bother to read my on topic rant. Is that an oxymoron?

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