‘Cause this is thriller, thriller night/There ain’t no second chance against the thing with forty eyes/You know it’s thriller, thriller night/You’re fighting for your life inside of killer, thriller tonight
Oh, hello there! Michael Jackson here. When I’m thirsty from dancing with the Elephant Man’s bones, chasing my chimp Bubbles around, or playing “What’s In Your Mouth?” with my sleepover friends, I like to pick up a Snapple Green Apple White Tea.
There are many reason why I like it. One reason is…
Because it’s good, it’s good – come on/You know it’s good, it’s good – you know it/You know it’s good, it’s good – come on, you know/And the whole world has to answer right now/Just to tell you once again,/It’s good…
It has a nice and crisp light green apple taste that is mixed well with the equally light white tea taste, and it’s very refreshing after a long day in the recording studio or courthouse. Compared with other Snapple products, it has about 33 percent less calories and sugar.
The entire 17.5-ounce bottle contains 120 calories, zero grams of fat, 30 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbs, 30 grams of sugar, and 40 percent of your recommended daily allowance of Vitamin C. Plus, each bottle has 105 milligrams of antioxidants.
Antioxidants are you okay/So, antioxidants are you okay/Are you okay antioxidants/You’ve been hit by/You’ve been struck by/A smooth criminal
Another thing I like about the Snapple Green Apple White Tea is that it’s all-natural, just like me.
No wait, I meant to say, just my nose.
No, that’s plastic.
Um…It’s all natural like my skin.
No, that’s not natural either.
Jermaine’s Jheri curls?
Having little boys sleep in the same bed with me?
Yeah, that’s it.
Just beat it, (beat it), beat it, (beat it)/No one wants to be defeated/Showin’ how funky strong it’s your fight/It doesn’t matter who’s in my bed tonight/Just beat it
What I like most about the Snapple Green Apple White Tea are the young white tea leaves that help give it a naturally light taste and high antioxidant content.
What is white tea? According to the bottle, “It’s a baby tea leaf that is plucked when it’s young so it’s light in flavor and high in antioxidants.”
I love drinking those delicious young white tea leaves. I love playing with young supple white tea leaves. I love having young white tea leaves over for sleepovers. I love having young white tea leaves sleep in the same bed with me. I also love playing “What’s In Your Mouth?” with young white tea leaves. Hee, hee.
But, if you’re thinkin’ about my baby tea leaves, it don’t matter if they’re black or white
(Editor’s Note: Congratulations to Muneer and Misha, who are the winners of this month’s prize drawing. They will each receive a box of Eggo Cereal, which they can use to either feed themselves or the starving children in a small village in a third world country. Thanks to everyone who participated.)
Item: Snapple Green Apple White Tea
Price: $1.69 (17.5 ounces)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Nice light and crisp green apple taste. All-natural. High in antioxidants. No preservatives. Real frickin’ sugar. Pre-Thriller Michael Jackson.
Cons: Decaffeinated. Hee, hee. The game “What’s In Your Mouth?” Sleepovers with Michael Jackson. Post-Thriller Michael Jackson.