REVIEW: Reese’s Klondike Bar

Reese's Klondike Bar

What would I do for a Reese’s Klondike Bar?

I think I’d do a lot for one, because they are pretty damn good with their Reese’s Peanut Butter-flavored ice cream and milk chocolate coating. They also apparently have Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup pieces in the ice cream, but I didn’t see any in all of the six bars I had.

Unless, there weren’t pieces of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Maybe there were molecules or atoms of Reese’s instead. Or perhaps quarks. Whatever amount of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups were in each Klondike Bar, it didn’t help make it taste much like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. If it had visible pieces though, I think it probably would’ve tasted more like a one. Even though it didn’t taste like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, as I said before, it’s pretty damn good.

It also would’ve been cool if the Reese’s Klondike Bar was shaped like a giant peanut butter cup. Instead it came in the typical missionary-position-boring Klondike Bar block shape.

Besides the lack of pieces of Reese’s, another thing I didn’t like about the Reese’s Klondike Bar was the fact that it melted pretty quickly while I ate it. But then again, I do live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, and it’s 83 degrees outside, so I should’ve expected that.

Overall, I do think the Reese’s Klondike Bar rocks and I think the best way for me to explain how much I like these Reese’s Klondike Bars would be to sing a song. Just to let you know, my voice has the power to break windows. Although the reason why windows break whenever I sing is because of the people breaking them to quickly get far away from me as possible. In other words, I can’t sing.

So I’ll just write a song and you can make your own melody and sing it at your office, house, or American Idol audition.

The Reese’s Klondike Bar Song

For just one Reese’s Klondike Bar I probably won’t do much.
If I were a woman, “first base” is all I would let you touch.
For one, I’d let Kate Moss do lines of coke off my butt.
I’d even buy K-Fed’s CD and then kick him in the nuts.

For just two Reese’s Klondike Bars I wouldn’t sell my soul.
If I were at a nightclub, I would dance with a troll.
For two, I’d force Nicole Richie to eat more than a bread roll.
I’d even beg Britney Spears to use birth control.

For just three Reese’s Klondike Bars the list gets a little long.
Added to that list, is me doing a striptease in a thong.
For three, I’d boo whenever I hear a Creed or Clay Aiken song.
I’d even protect Naomi Campbell’s assistants when they do something wrong.

For just four Reese’s Klondike Bars there are many things I would do.
If I were in Australia, I’d get into a ring and fight a kangaroo.
For four, I’d shut Bill O’Reilly’s mouth with some tape and glue.
I’d even bitchslap Star Jones during a taping of The View.

For just five Reese’s Klondike Bars almost anything would be okay.
I’d put on a tight dress, clear high heels, and lacy lingerie.
For five, I’d watch The Tony Danza Show every single day.
I’d even try to find out if Tom Cruise is really gay.

For just six Reese’s Klondike Bars I’d do everything and more.
For elderly, handicapped, and MILFs, I’d hold open a door.
For six, I’d touch one of Paris Hilton’s herpes or syphilis sores.
I’d even spend several dollars and buy Reese’s Klondike Bars from the store.

That’s what I would do for a Reese’s Klondike Bar.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Anthony for letting me know about the Reese’s Klondike Bar.)

Item: Reese’s Klondike Bar
Price: $4.00 (on sale – Box of six)
Purchased At: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Damn good, despite not tasting like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Thick ice cream bar. Great to eat when it’s hot or when you’ve had your heart ripped out by an ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend. Actual Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
Cons: Didn’t see pieces of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Gets messy when eating them on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Almost all the things I would do for a Reese’s Klondike Bar. My inability to sing.

33 thoughts on “REVIEW: Reese’s Klondike Bar

  1. Hmmm, some SCARY visual images in that song, Marvo. But reading it did help me to wake up. To be truly scary you could always record it and put it on the site as an MP3 file.

  2. Oh boy, that thing looks yummy. Which of course means it probably has a gazillion calories. ::sigh::: Oh well, I at least got to laugh at your song.

  3. Those sound like something I have to try. Although I’ve never been a huge fan of Klondike bars (too messy to eat and kinda crappy chocolate coating) I feel that the peanut butter ice cream might make up for that.

    And also… loved the song.

  4. You would really neutralize Bill O’Reilly for four Reese’s Klondike bars?

    Wow, I’m gonna have to see if Fedex will let me ship the things in some unmeltable manner…that’s a bargain AND a public service!

  5. Haha loved the song! So basically all I gotta do is send you 6 Reese’s Klondike Bars and you would do anything?! hehe…

  6. ohhhhhhhhhhhh…. I must have these. I loooove Reeses. I looooove ice cream. Hot damn.

    …although, quite a few of those things I’d like to do anyway, like bitch slapping Star Jones, kick that K-Fed thing in the nuts, boo Clay Aiken, and somebody should beg Britney Spears to use birth control, for the sake of the human race. We do NOT need any more of her running around. Oh, and I agree with Chuck. Should totally record that and post it as an MP3. Bi-polar bears; Nice.

  7. I dunno about the list of things you’d do for a Klondike bar … some of them you’ve done for free. (striptease)

    I like any review that includes pictures of polar bears!

  8. Oh wow.

    I have never even heard of these things. I wonder if you can buy them on the East Coast yet..

    I would do some dirty dirty things for these Klondike bars.. ever see Hostel? Yeah, I would make Takashi Miike proud.

  9. sounds tasty, but that package design looks like bad Photoshop. Though I’d join you in a few of those things you’d do for any number of bars. I’ll let you guess which ones.

  10. LMFAO. that is THE best song lyrics I have ever seen. God Marvo, you’re a genius. 😉

    As for the product, meh. try Snickers Ice Cream Bars. Best damn thing you’ll ever taste in your–interesting– life. 🙂

  11. Klondike bars (of any flavor) need more chocolate coating. So it would be like eating a frozen hollow chocolate rabbit… Well except that it would be filled with ice cream and not hollow anymore, and, it would be square….

  12. yummity, sounds like i’ll have to look these reese’s klondikes up. Very nice song, as usual. These companies need to hire you to do the jingles.

    oh, and hooray for polar bears… i have a framed photo of a bunch of them on my wall right next to the computer.

  13. Would you eat all six ice cream bars at one time or spread them out over a period of six days? If I were going to provivide them to you and did’nt like what you would do on any givin day could I withhold that days ice cream and continue the day after? How about a check list where I give you a partial Klondike Reeses bar and have you only do a few specific things on any given day? Do you guarantee the outcome of these actions? Would the cost of the Ice cream bars be tax deductible in this situation?

  14. Chuck – Trust me, you ears will thank me for not doing that.

    Grins – Yeah, a lot of calories, fat, and my love.

    g – The chocolate coating does suck hard. Okay, maybe “hard” wasn’t the right word.

    skibs – First, I like to lick my fingers, pick up whatever chocolate pieces on my shirt, then wash my hands.

    Wednesday – Neutralize? That’s sounds a little too extreme. But I’d also kick him in the balls.

    Ultimate Best Vamp Ever – Yeah, I’m basically a cheap whore. 🙁

    tanya – You may consider the “bipolar” bit corny, but others will consider it totally lame.

    Andy – Oh, if I did I know someone is going to find it and make some corny remix of it.

    cybele – But not a striptease with a thong and possibly a pole.

    Lord Jezo – I learned about them over six months ago and only now I found them. So I’m sure you’ll find them somewhere, grasshopper.

  15. klew – Oh, let it be buying the K-Fed CD and kicking him in the nuts. Let it be buying the K-Fed CD and kicking him in the nuts.

    Sarah – I believe there is also an Oreo and Heath one. Mmm…Oreo.

    Barb – I like to bite the heads of hollow chocolate rabbits.

    Bryan – Oh man, my jingles would all be about booty.

    Stacie – Oooh, I’d like to have a whole Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup and Reese’s Cookie stuffed into a Reese’s Klondike Bar. Mmm…Reese’s orgasm.

    Gia on Guam – Oh yeah! Well we have closed beaches due to contaminated water. Can you top that?

    noihipcoolorbuff – Spread them out. No. No, they have to be whole. No guarantees, because Britney has big bodyguards. No tax deductions.

    Rylan – Brrrr…Man, that’s the right degree for eating ice cream without melting.

  16. I was just wondering, Marvo…does a bi-polar bear have mental problems, or is he just equally fond of both male and female bears?

  17. Actually we shave raw sewage, minus the chunks, beinig piped out into the open ocean via a 200ft long poop chute.

  18. Chuck – Bi-polar bears have serious mental problems. One minute they’re attacking seals and penguins, and the next minute they’re drinking Coca-Cola with them.

    Gia on Guam – Wow! Guam has its own intestines! Okay, your Pacific island wins.

    Gia on Guam – First off, I don’t know where to begin to find all the stuff he eats. Secondly, I’m a big pussy and probably won’t eat any of those things. Oh wait, I did try natto in my Japanese 102 class. One word…Blech!

    Webmiztris – Now that I think about it, I would probably boo them for free. However, I think I would pay people in Klondike Bars to them also.

  19. have you noticed that klondike has suddenly gone nutso with new flavors? I stepped into the ugly zone last wk (walmart, ugh) and counted at least 9 options – nestles crunch, oreo, sara lee strawb chzcake, heath bar maybe?, possibly mint? the only one that really entranced me was the dark choc. but i didn’t buy any. so thanks for the review! i think what makes klondike special is the fact that they have no wooden stick. but that also makes them a pain in the ass, yknow?

  20. TG – Yup, they make Messy Marvo even messier. I swear I need a bib when eating one.

  21. the strawberry cheesecake ones are even better
    little chunks of graham cracker crust and strawberries in every other bite

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