What would I do for a Reese’s Klondike Bar?
I think I’d do a lot for one, because they are pretty damn good with their Reese’s Peanut Butter-flavored ice cream and milk chocolate coating. They also apparently have Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup pieces in the ice cream, but I didn’t see any in all of the six bars I had.
Unless, there weren’t pieces of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Maybe there were molecules or atoms of Reese’s instead. Or perhaps quarks. Whatever amount of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups were in each Klondike Bar, it didn’t help make it taste much like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. If it had visible pieces though, I think it probably would’ve tasted more like a one. Even though it didn’t taste like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, as I said before, it’s pretty damn good.
It also would’ve been cool if the Reese’s Klondike Bar was shaped like a giant peanut butter cup. Instead it came in the typical missionary-position-boring Klondike Bar block shape.
Besides the lack of pieces of Reese’s, another thing I didn’t like about the Reese’s Klondike Bar was the fact that it melted pretty quickly while I ate it. But then again, I do live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, and it’s 83 degrees outside, so I should’ve expected that.
Overall, I do think the Reese’s Klondike Bar rocks and I think the best way for me to explain how much I like these Reese’s Klondike Bars would be to sing a song. Just to let you know, my voice has the power to break windows. Although the reason why windows break whenever I sing is because of the people breaking them to quickly get far away from me as possible. In other words, I can’t sing.
So I’ll just write a song and you can make your own melody and sing it at your office, house, or American Idol audition.
The Reese’s Klondike Bar Song
For just one Reese’s Klondike Bar I probably won’t do much.
If I were a woman, “first base” is all I would let you touch.
For one, I’d let Kate Moss do lines of coke off my butt.
I’d even buy K-Fed’s CD and then kick him in the nuts.
For just two Reese’s Klondike Bars I wouldn’t sell my soul.
If I were at a nightclub, I would dance with a troll.
For two, I’d force Nicole Richie to eat more than a bread roll.
I’d even beg Britney Spears to use birth control.
For just three Reese’s Klondike Bars the list gets a little long.
Added to that list, is me doing a striptease in a thong.
For three, I’d boo whenever I hear a Creed or Clay Aiken song.
I’d even protect Naomi Campbell’s assistants when they do something wrong.
For just four Reese’s Klondike Bars there are many things I would do.
If I were in Australia, I’d get into a ring and fight a kangaroo.
For four, I’d shut Bill O’Reilly’s mouth with some tape and glue.
I’d even bitchslap Star Jones during a taping of The View.
For just five Reese’s Klondike Bars almost anything would be okay.
I’d put on a tight dress, clear high heels, and lacy lingerie.
For five, I’d watch The Tony Danza Show every single day.
I’d even try to find out if Tom Cruise is really gay.
For just six Reese’s Klondike Bars I’d do everything and more.
For elderly, handicapped, and MILFs, I’d hold open a door.
For six, I’d touch one of Paris Hilton’s herpes or syphilis sores.
I’d even spend several dollars and buy Reese’s Klondike Bars from the store.
That’s what I would do for a Reese’s Klondike Bar.
(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Anthony for letting me know about the Reese’s Klondike Bar.)
Item: Reese’s Klondike Bar
Price: $4.00 (on sale – Box of six)
Purchased At: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Damn good, despite not tasting like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Thick ice cream bar. Great to eat when it’s hot or when you’ve had your heart ripped out by an ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend. Actual Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
Cons: Didn’t see pieces of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Gets messy when eating them on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Almost all the things I would do for a Reese’s Klondike Bar. My inability to sing.