Tostitos Multigrain

If I needed to be saved from a burning building, car accident, David Hasselhoff music video, or a greasy Richard Simmons hug, I wouldn’t want these Tostitos Multigrain chips to rescue me.

The reason why is because they are weak, like Pete Doherty’s will power around heroin or Britney Spears’ parenting abilities. I may have a hard time opening a bottle of salsa without help from a towel or a much stronger eight year old girl, but these Tostitos Multigrain chips are so weak that they cracked every time I tried to scoop up some salsa with them.

If they can’t pick up salsa, how are they going to save me if I needed to rescued from a shark, bear, snake, wolf, tyrannosaurus rex, vampire, Tim Allen movie, Decepticon, black hole, or MySpace sexual predator?

Sure, the Tostitos Multigrain has “four wholesome grains,” corn, oat, buckwheat, and wheat, but how can I truly enjoy them if they keep breaking down in chunky salsa and I have to worry about the part of the chip that buried in salsa?

I could use another chip to dig out the buried chip, but these Tostitos Multigrain chips are so fragile and weak that the next chip would probably break, causing a path towards the Zsa Zsa Gabor Marriage Effect, which involves many, many failures before finally succeeding.

Despite the “four wholesome grains,” the Tostitos Multigrain are not healthier than regular Tostitos. It’s much like how Britney’s black hair doesn’t make her less trailer trash.

The combination of the “four wholesome grains” also gave the chips a darker appearance, a kind of healthy nutty taste, and a crunch that’s slightly not as crunchy as regular Tostitos. They taste okay, but if the “four wholesome grains” don’t make them any healthier, I don’t think I would buy them again, like I would for the okay-tasting, but significantly healthier Baked Lays.

So if you happen to be kidnapped by some shady guy in a black suit with a pointy mustache, tied up in a huge coil of rope, everything around you is in black and white, you’re placed on train tracks to get run over by an oncoming train, and Tostitos Multigrain comes to try and help you, just eat them, because the only thing they can help is hunger.

(Editor’s Note: If you’re interested, or love randomness, check out the “Random Review” button in the top navigation bar. Click it and it will magically take you on a journey through all the good reviews, bad reviews, and ugly banana deep-throating reviews. Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Rylan for the idea.)

Item: Tostitos Multigrain
Price: $3.99
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Okay healthy nutty taste. Zero trans fat. Having eight year old girls around to help open jars and bottles. Celebrity references for all ages.
Cons: Tostitos Multigrain is too weak to save lives. Chips break easily while scooping up salsa. The four wholesome grains doesn’t make it any healthier than regular Tostitos. Slightly not as crunchy as regular Tostitos. Britney’s black hair. Being weaker than eight year old girls. Decepticons. ANY David Hasselhoff video.

27 thoughts on “Tostitos Multigrain

  1. You have no Trader Joe’s on that rock in the Pacific, right? Pity, because they make some awesome multigrain chips that don’t break in salsa. A chip that breaks in salsa, that’s a crime against humanity.

  2. When I want to eat chips I don’t want any health benefits. The greasier, saltier, cholestral laden the chip the better!
    I mean, what’s the point?

  3. i say we all have a protest in front of the many tostitos factories and make them make better chips! Or we all could go kill the sharks, bears, snakes…ext ext that will try to kill u in the near future.

    and u cant help from being attacked by a black hole. they own all _>


  4. The only thing whole grains made better was styrofoa…. rice cakes (made them soft/mushy, less styrofoamy). I would be happier to see Tostitos with less salt, I love the damn things but the salt makes me sick if i eat more than five.
    Love the Random Review button! Something to enjoy between new reviews! YAY!

  5. Why? Let’s just eat ’em and not worry about the health benefits! And i love Rice Cakes as well… i’ll eat those if i want “healthy,” ya know?

    This review was hilarious. I’m very afraid to clink the Hasselhoff link. Methinks it might lead to that “Hooked on a Feeling” video and i just won’t go there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thanks for the laugh today. I burned up enough calories doing that and at the race last night to eat some REAL Tostitos today… (vegetarian kind of course, no cheese or ranch types…)


  6. I LOVE THEM! My new favorite chip. No need for salsa. My neighbor works for Frito Lay and he says these are the number one chip in this region just in the few months they’ve been available. I don’t doubt it.

  7. I try to steer clear of any and all things labeled multigrain/healthy/fat free/etc etc. It goes against everything I believe in. But good for you for being brave enough to risk serious colon damage.

  8. Funny review…I, like K was also afraid to click the Hasselhoff link.

    I think weak chips are the largest contributing factor of the dreaded ‘double dip’…the bastards!

    I’m going to buy a bag of greasy Fritos now…multi-CORN baby!

  9. Aw, this is a disappointment. I was looking forward to these after I saw them in a convenience store last week. I’m not a fan of multi-grain stuff, but I can tolerate them if they’re healthier. But these weak-ass chips don’t even contribute the health factor? I’ll pass.

    Marvo, you would probably like Tostitos Scoops. Now that’s a strong chip, plus all the tasty goodness.

    Once again, your reviews save us from crappy purchases. Thanks.

  10. Rylan – YAY!

    Mir – No Trader Joe’s. No Ikea. No Target. No kidding.

    govtdrone – Mmm…Cheetos. Mmm…Orange fingers.

    B-rad – Well some sharks and bears are endangered species, so that wouldn’t be good. If there aren’t any sharks, there can’t be a Jaws 2006.

    Ron – If Hello Kitty, whole grains, and Martha Stewart join forces, they will become a force that no one will be able to stop.

    Barb – I was going to call the Random Review button, “The Pleasure Button,” but thought that it wouldn’t give pleasure to anyone who clicked it. 🙁

    K – Yeah, that “Hooked on a Feeling” video was disturbing. Also, has the Hoff ever sung a song that wasn’t a scary cover version.

    Webmiztris – With some tequila and salsa.

    Me – I heart salsa and I love condiments.

    Lucy – I think with the help of a personal trainer, these chips can get stronger.

    Mia – I try to steer clear of medications that may cause four hour erections or constipation.

    skibs – If you want cheese, a David Hasselhoff music video is the best source.

    Brie – I like Tostitos Scoops because it holds salsa very nicely, which prevent salsa stains from appearing on my shirt.

  11. :O you know.. lord jezo wrote a letter to the frito lays company complaining about his tositos being too salty. they replied and included a coupon for a free bag. i bet you could do the same. maybe the chips were mismanufactured or something…

  12. Chips that break in salsa? Bah, for shame. They’re a disgrace to the tortilla chip world.

    Hey Marvo, how’d you do the random review thing? Is it a plugin that you downloaded?

  13. Maybe these chips need a membership to Gold’s Gym or something. I mean, really…who wants tortilla chips that can’t pick up salsa? Otherwise, what’s the point of their existence in life?

  14. Ugh. This reminds me of the whole grain Chips Ahoys I saw this week. Still full of all sorts of refined sugars and fats. I’m sure they tasted like garbage, but I wouldn’t know because I went for the chewy chocolate chunk!

  15. Rukia is Ichiban – You mean, I have to send a letter via snail mail? Oh man, I think I need to buy two-cent stamps, if I\’m going to do that. My stamps are about two years old.

    Toni – But they are a hero in the whole grain world.

    Chuck – I don\’t know if they can afford a Gold\’s Gym membership, maybe 24-Hour Fitness.

    carli – Reviewed those whole grain Chips Ahoy! awhile back. They were all right, but not something I would buy again.

    Muneer – Hmm…No, I don\’t think I would. I\’m not a fan of anal leakage.

  16. Healthy chips are such a farce, anyway. Sort of like Hollywood marriages, or, more accurately, marriages in general. Ha ha!

  17. I love tostitos and LOVE LOVE the Lime Tostitos but the multigrain ones just look blah to me. No desire to try them, and now that you have they are shoved behind Nyquil on the list of things I want if hungry.

  18. Peachy – How about Pringles Fat Free? Healthier and may cause anal leakage. Actually, nevermind the Pringles Fat Free.

    Grins – Nyquil is on the list of things I will drink if I’m desperate to get drunk, along with Listerine.

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