REVIEW: Quaker Breakfast Cookies

I’m not of big fan of the future, or its friends Miss Cleo and Dionne Warwick. They’ve disappointed me so many times, like at 12:01 a.m. on January 1, 2000 when everyone thought the world was going to end because of Y2K.

Just to let you know, I’m still eating the canned food I stocked up on back then and I’ve still got my looting gear, which consists of bricks to break windows, a black mask to hide my face, and a shopping cart to carry all the stuff I was going to steal.

I thought the future would bring us personal jet packs that would allow everyone to fly like birds, make it possible for short Asian people to dunk basketballs on regulation height rims, and give everyone the opportunity to join the Mile High Club. Instead we have the Segway personal transporter, which zips at a brisk 12.5 MPH and makes everyone who rides one look like a smug prick.

By now I thought there would be a MTV channel which plays ONLY music videos. For a while MTV2 filled that role, but quicker than you can say Wonder Showzen (which is frickin’ hilarious), but not as quick as I am to change the channel when The Andy Milonakis Show comes on, MTV2 began to focus less on music videos.

Finally, I hoped the future would bring breakfast pizza. I’m not talking about the leftover pizza sitting on the counter or in the fridge from last night’s swinger party you had. I’m talking about fresh pizza that I can order at 5:30 in the morning and have it delivered to my apartment within 30 minutes by some guy whose tip is going to be, “Here’s your tip. Don’t be a pizza delivery guy for the rest of your life.”

Instead, we have breakfast cookies to eat, which depending on your breakfast eating habits, is something totally new, a bowl of Cookie Crisp, or something you ate throughout college using Oreos and Chips Ahoy!

The breakfast cookies I’m talking about are the new Quaker Breakfast Cookies, which come in two flavors, Oatmeal Raisin and Apple Cinnamon. Despite its name, they’re more of a mid-morning snack instead of something that would be, as most cereal commercials say, “Part of a nutritious breakfast.”

They’re definitely healthier than regular cookies since they’re made with whole grain rolled oats and contain 5 grams of dietary fiber, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, zero grams of trans fat, and a whole bunch of vitamins and minerals. However, I don’t know if its healthiness quite makes up for its decent taste. I’ve never had an apple cinnamon cookie before, but I’ve had better tasting oatmeal raisin cookies than the Quaker Breakfast Cookies version.

I also gave a couple of cookies to my co-worker, who took a bite out of one of them, told me they were disgusting, threw away the uneaten portion, and then put me on her shit list.

Each soft and chewy cookie is about three inches to three and a half inches in diameter, which is a good size for a cookie, and they’re individually-wrapped, which makes it convenient for those people on the go, like those waking up the next morning after a swinger party on a workday.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to the folks at Quaker and Fleishman-Hillard for sending me a couple of boxes of Quaker Breakfast Cookies. I predict that after reading this review they will never send me anything else ever again. Also, for more reviews of these cookies, go check out Bryan’s review at Cheap Eats and TG’s same-day thoughts at NYCE.)

Item: Quaker Breakfast Cookies
Price: FREE (Retails for $3.29)
Purchased at: Received free from Quaker
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Healthy. Individually packed. Good size. Makes a good mid-morning snack. 5 grams of dietary fiber. Vitamins and minerals. Wonder Showzen. Breakfast pizza. Cookie Crisp. Might be good for swinger parties.
Cons: Not the greatest tasting cookies in the world. Not part of a nutritious breakfast. Not good for those who don’t like soft cookies. No music only MTV. No personal jet packs. Being on my co-worker’s shit list.

33 thoughts on “REVIEW: Quaker Breakfast Cookies

  1. I’ve never had these, but I’m kinda wary after the Quaker Oatmeal Sqaures. Have you ever left a bowl of oatmeal sitting on the counter for about 10 minutes? Tastes just like that.

  2. Hey Marvo, I just noticed that they only give you 6 cookies per box. That sucks; that’s not even a full week of cookie goodness.

    Amber, I’m cracking up at the Caribou Coffee mention. Their Caramel Cooler is practically orgasmic.

  3. I remember reading last year that Papa John’s was trying out breakfast pizzas for delivery:

    http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/food/2005-12-07-pizza-breakfast_x.htm

    And this actually does include delivery, it seems, so it seems like this would fit what you are asking for.

    Regarding these Quaker breakfast cookies; I picked some up a while ago to try them, because I wanted to get more oatmeal in my diet, but don’t have the time or patience to even make a bowl of instant oatmeal for breakfast. I think they tasted OK, but they are definitely bland, especially compared to eating an actual oatmeal cookie. But it does seem like you get a lot of real oatmeal in them, and they weren’t any worse than Quaker’s oatmeal breakfast bar things.

  4. Those look repulsive. What kind of message are we sending. Cookies for breakfast. Now Pizza & Beer that’s how you start your day off right. Maybe some left over Holloween candy from last year to choke down as a chaser so your breath doesn’t smell like inside of Mel Gibson’s car after a night at Moonshadows.

  5. -dave – Ahh, goatse.

    Barb – I thought the ThighMaster was the biggest waste of engineering ever.

    Energy Guru – Hmm, besides the bacon, how about some eggs. Wait, then I’d be making a quiche.

    Bryan – If they’re not going to let you borrow it, I’d suggest you steal it.

    Wednesday – Went to the Red Baron website and saw them. They don’t look to appetizing, just like me in a pair of Speedos.

    thedvs01 – Oh yeah, I forgot about that, but I think I want something bigger, like 20-inches. Wait that doesn’t sound quite right.

    AmberLB – Caribou Coffee Chocolate Mocha Chewy. Caribou Coffee Chocolate Mocha Chewy. Caribou Coffee Chocolate Mocha Chewy. Caribou Coffee Chocolate Mocha Chewy. Caribou Coffee Chocolate Mocha Chewy. Caribou Coffee Chocolate Mocha Chewy. Oh sorry, that’s just really fun to say repeatedly.

    Webmiztris – I think you should have your own reality show, Dawn. It would be wayyy funnier than The Andy Milonakis Show.

  6. wine – Quaker really needs to get rid of the top hat and the white hair. I’m thinking skull cap and corn rolls.

    Toni – Or I’m becoming a free product whore.

    K – GO BUY SOME!!! AT YOUR LOCAL SUPERMARKET!!! I THINK THEY’RE IN THE CEREAL AISLE!!! NEAR THE POP-TARTS!!! PEACE OUT!!!

    Angel H. – I’ve never been a fan of oatmeal. I don’t like the texture of it. Although I’ve been curious to take an oatmeal bath.

    Brie – Caribou Coffee Caramel Cooler. Caribou Coffee Caramel Cooler. Caribou Coffee Caramel Cooler. Caribou Coffee Caramel Cooler. Caribou Coffee Caramel Cooler. Caribou Coffee Caramel Cooler. Caribou Coffee Caramel Cooler. Oh sorry, that fun to say repeatedly too.

    Zadillo – Wow, that Papa John’s pizza must have failed since I don’t see it on the menu online. Well at least it’s good to know that someone tried it.

    Griffin – Pizza and beer sounds like something that would be perfect during any time of the day.

    laina – Baarrrfff on anything that Sean Preston Federline/Spears makes in the future.

  7. Breakfast Pizza: Buffalo Pizza Co in Sacramento makes breakfast pizzas. They are very popular at early morning staff meetings.

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