The Shopping Cart #3

Written by | October 1, 2006

Topics: Clothing, Music, The Shopping Cart

The Shopping Cart takes a look at things that I’ve bought, but am too lazy to write a full review for.

What I’m Wearing That Shows My Inability To Properly Use Long Hard Things

Yes, I don’t know how to use chopsticks, especially those damn long plastic Chinese chopsticks.

My Japanese ancestors are probably rolling in their graves…Oh wait, they were cremated. Let me rephrase the previous sentence. My Japanese ancestors are probably kicking up ashes in their urns, because I have the chopstick proficiency of a one-year-old in Japan or a nervous, old horny man experiencing nyotaimori (Possible NSFW) for the very first time.

Over the years, I’ve gotten better at eating with chopsticks. As long as I can stab what I’m eating, I won’t starve. But when it comes to eating noodles or rice with chopsticks, I instantly jump on the Atkins low-carb diet.

I’m ashamed of my chopstick ineptness and have been wearing this recently purchased Threadless t-shirt called “Sticks of Shame” like a scarlet letter. The design says something in Japanese, but I can’t read it at all, which in turn is making my Japanese ancestors kick up ashes in their urns again.

Fortunately, the English translation is printed in small type on the right side. It says, “I can’t use chopsticks. Because of this, MY FACE BURNS WITH SHAME!!!…can I please have fork.”

I would also settle for a spork.

Whut’s Bumpin’ In My Totally Un-Pimped Out Japanese Compact Car

Aw yeah! Now dats whut I’m talkin’ ’bout, y’all!

My man, Weird Al is dropping some crazy shit on y’all wit his new joint, “White & Nerdy” from his brand new album, “Straight Outta Lynwood.” Lynwood! Represent!

It’s a parody of smooth southern rapper Chamillionaire’s joint “Ridin’.” Yo, I gots to say dat dis gots to be one of da illest parodies dat, my boy, Weird Al has done. Ya heard!

Yo, some of y’all might not think dis polka boy gots da skillz to be droppin’ mad rhymes, but yo, check da lyrics, y’all. Check da lyrics.

I’ve been browsin’, inspectin’
X-Men comics, you know I collect ‘em
The pens in my pocket, I must protect ‘em
My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored
Shopping online for deals on some writable media
I edit Wikipedia
I memorized Holy Grail really well
I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL

Dang! Dat white boy can drop rhymes, y’all. So if y’all wants to be shakin’ your asses at your next LAN party, Dungeons & Dragons gathering, or at da comic book store, go buy dis phat track.

Da video fo’ “White & Nerdy,” is on YouTube, so go check it out.






24 Comments For This Post I'd Love to Hear Yours!

  1. marvo says:

    L’il E – The Impulsive Buy also helps with insomnia.

    Greg – Engrish…that’s a funny word. Me not being able to use chopsticks like my ancestors…not funny.

    Anita Rose – Usually, you’re more likely to hear a bad K-Fed or Britney joke during every visit.

    Angel H. – Yup, downloaded that. “But you’ll always have a job, well I mean, as long as you can still work that Slurpee machine.”

    Candace – To increase the chances of “seeing” me wear the shirt, I’ll wear it every time I go out and not ever wash it, so if you don’t see me wearing it, you might be able to smell me wearing it.

    Suzanne – There are these training chopstick that connect together at a curve at one end, but come in bright fluorescent colors, letting everyone know who the crappy chopstick user is.

    Gia in the City by the Bay – When we hung out, I used the fork when you weren’t looking. Also, I think you’re right about North Korea bombing Guam first, but couldn’t they bomb Hawaii and Guam at the same time?

    SAFFE – As long as they don’t have Mickey Mouse or Hello Kitty on them, I’ll all over that.

    Chuck – Yes, take two Weird Al videos and everything will be better.

  2. Candace says:

    Robyn: Ohh!! Okay!! :) haha, so many people named Robyn, sorry about that! ^_^; Anyhoo, hi there! :D I’m so slow, Julie emailed me a few weeks ago and I still gotta reply to her! If you talk to her before I get to email (haha, pending you see this comment; again with my slowness in replying!), tell her I’m sorry for the delay!! ^_^;

  3. Candace says:

    (haha, case in point, once more, of how slow I am: I started writing that previous comment several hours ago, and upon posting it, saw another comment to reply to! Anyhoo.)

    Marvo: ahahahah, PERFECT! “Hmmm… I smell something, I think it is a face burning with shame!!… that, or garbage burning… also with shame.”

    Hopefully I won’t see you in an area where many homeless people frequent, lest I just think you are another random hobo! :D

  4. marvo says:

    Candace – Don’t worry, I avoid A’ala Park and Ala Moana Beach Park. Also, if a hobo is wearing your Sticks of Shame shirt, I have to wonder how that hobo got access to the internet.