Recently, a new version of Firefox, one of the most popular web browsers, was released into the wild. TIB was fortunate enough to sit down with Firefox and discuss the new version. Unfortunately, I don’t speak fox, so a translator was brought in.
Marvo: Aww. Awwoooo.
Firefox’s Translator: I’m a fox, not a fuckin’ wolf!
Marvo: Sorry about that. Anyway, Firefox 2.0 was recently “released into the wild,” how excited are you to be finally out there for the public?
Firefox: Grrrr!!! Grrrr!!! Yap. Yap. Bark. Yap. Bark. Yap.
Firefox’s Translator: – Oh. “Released into the wild,” like I’ve never heard that one before, you unoriginal bastard. Anyway, I’ve been downloaded over 200 million times and I’m totally excited about all the new features available.
Marvo: So what are some of the new features?
Firefox: Grrrr!!!! Grrrr!!! Bark. Bark. Yap. Yap. Bark. Yap. Yap. Bark. Bark.
Firefox’s Translator: I was just about to get into the new features until I was rudely interrupted. Who are you? Bill O’Reilly? Now where was I? Oh yes. First off, there’s improved tabbed browsing. By default, I will open links in new tabs instead of cluttering your monitor with new windows. Each tab will also have a close tab button.
Marvo: I like having a close tab button on each tab, just like in Apple’s browser, Safari.
Firefox: Grrrr!!! Grrrr!!! Ptwooie!!!
Firefox’s Translator: Safari…whatever! I can chew up Safari and spit it out. Ptwooie!!!!
Firefox: Yap. Yap. Bark. Yap. Yap. Yap. Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark. Yap. Bark. Yap.
Firefox’s Translator: You can also scroll through all your tabs, which is perfect for all the porn sites you visit, Marvo.
Marvo: What? Porn? Me? No.
Firefox: Grrrr!!! Bark. Grrrr!!! Yap.
Firefox’s Translator: I’m Firefox and I know what you’ve been downloading.
Marvo:: Whatever. Anyway, one of my favorite new features is Session Restore, which restores all the tabs and downloads in-progress after a crash or if you need to be restarted for any reason.
Firefox: Grrrr!!! Bark. Bark. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap. Yap.
Firefox’s Translator: Crash? If you didn’t visit so many porn sites, like Asian Persuasion, Asian Babes, Asian Angels, Asian Happy Fun Time, Asian College Girls, Asian Ecstasy, Asian Girls, Asian Funhouse, Asian Pleasure, Asian Beauty, Big Asian Girls, Asian Grandmas, Asian Hos, Busty Asians, Asian Dreams, Asian Booty, Asian MILFs, Asian Holes, Asian Gratification, Asian Massage Parlor, Asian Office Workers, Asian Love, Asian Bondage, and Big Asian Dudes, I probably wouldn’t crash at all.
Marvo: You must be mistaken about all those sites, especially Big Asian Dudes.
Firefox’s Translator: Really?
Marvo: Anyway, another feature that I like is the built-in spell check, which comes in really handy when I’m leaving comments at other blogs.
Firefox: Yap. Yap.
Firefox’s Translator: Porn blogs?
Marvo: Geez, forget about the porn already! Don’t make me get Bob Barker to get you spayed or neutered.
Firefox’s Translator: Bring it, Sperm Sprayer!!!
Marvo: Let’s just finish this interview. One feature that I probably won’t use much, but could see being useful for my parents is the built-in phishing protection. Identity theft is a big problem and hopefully it will help the less educated from becoming victims. Can you tell us a little about it?
Firefox’s Translator: By default, phishing protection is on, and what it does is warn users if they have visited a possible phishing site, like a fake eBay, Paypal, or online banking site that someone could visit through a fake bank email, Nigerian scam email, or hot girl-on-girl email.
Marvo: One of my favorite things about you is the ability to add extensions and themes to enhance the Firefox experience. My favorite extensions are EditCSS, which allows me to preview cosmetic changes I make to TIB, and Download Statusbar, which is great for seeing the progress of large downloads.
Firefox’s Translator: Like porn?
Marvo: Enough with the porn. Anyway, there have been many additions to you, but none of them seem really revolutionary, more evolutionary. Tabbed browsing which was revolutionary in Firefox 1.0, is now better, and the same can be said of how you handle RSS feeds. Overall, you’re still a very solid web browser and I hope you continue to get better.
(Editor’s Note: If you’d like to download Firefox 2.0, go to Spreadfirefox.com. Also, TIB reviewed Firefox 1.0 a few years ago. You can read that review here. Warning: If you’re easily offended by corn, please do not click the link.)
Item: Firefox 2.0
Purchased at: Downloaded at Spreadfirefox.com
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Still a fast browser. Better management of tabs. Session restore. Built-in spell check. Phishing protection. Extensions and themes.
Cons: New features seem more evolutionary rather than revolutionary. Foxes and wolves don’t really sound alike. Downloading on dial-up will take awhile. Some extensions and themes might need to upgraded to use with Firefox 2.0.