REVIEW: Full Throttle Blue Demon Energy Drink

I don’t know about you, but it’s hard for me to eat or drink something with an ingredient I have no idea about or can’t pronounce. That’s how it is for me with jahlapinos.

When I first purchased the Full Throttle Blue Demon Energy Drink, I couldn’t drink it because of its blue agave flavor. I had no idea what an agave was and I didn’t know if it was pronounced a-gave, aga-ve, ag-ave, a-ga-ve, or ag-av-e.

To learn about agave, I looked it up at my source for knowledge and sexual positions, Wikipedia. When I got to the agave page, I attempted to read it and experience everything that is the agave, but their definition of agave was a-dull.

Here’s a sample of what was written about agave on Wikipedia:

Agaves are succulent plants of a large botanical genus of the same name, belonging to the family Agavaceae. Chiefly Mexican, they occur also in the southern and western United States and in central and tropical South America. The plants have a large rosette of thick fleshy leaves generally ending in a sharp point and with a spiny margin; the stout stem is usually short, the leaves apparently springing from the root.

Each rosette is monocarpic and grows slowly to flower only once. During flowering a tall stem or….ZZZZZZZZ.

As you can see, Wikipedia’s definition of the agave is pretty boring and can be used fight insomnia. It definitely doesn’t sound like something I would want in a kick ass energy drink. But I can easily change my perception of agave by changing my definition of it. So here’s my attempt to zazz up the agave and turn it into something worthy of an energy drink.

Agaves were once large flesh-eating plants, but evolved into the big leafy plants they are today. When they were flesh-eating plants, human sacrifices were made to them to help with the upcoming crop season and they were also used for entertainment by pitting two flesh-eating agave plants against each other. Agaves are considered an aphrodisiac and are grown with marijuana and coca plant crops in Mexico to attract insects to them instead of the more profitable illegal drug producing crops. Both of these uses are the reason why it’s been given the nickname, “Spanish Fly.”

Wars have been waged over its succulent fruit which was believed to grant the eater immortality, along with constipation. It is also believed agaves were one of the reasons for the downfalls of the Aztec Empire and Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s marriage. Its flowers, which take a long time to bloom, have been the inspiration for many classic rock songs, including Guns ‘N Roses “Sweet Child O’ Mine” and The Beatles “Yellow Submarine.”.

Oh dude, after reading my definition of agave, it totally ROCKS!!!

Now that I know more about agave and its history as a flesh-eating plant and classic rock song inspirer, I can finally try it.

Full Throttle Blue Demon Energy Drink is syrupy and has a nice sweet berry flavor. It’s syrupiness kind of reminds me of the Monster Energy Drink. Actually, if Monster did make blue-colored flavor, it would probably taste like this.

I’m not too sure how much caffeine it has, but it’s got 57 grams of carbs, 1,194 milligrams of taurine, 177 milligrams of ginseng, 28 milligrams of carnitine, 1.3 milligrams guarana extract, and some B vitamins to give you energy. Despite all of that, plus whatever amount of caffeine it has, it didn’t seem to give me much of an energy kick, which disappointed me.

Too bad the agave can’t give me a boost of energy, since it seems to be able to do everything else.

Item: Full Throttle Blue Demon Energy Drink
Price: $1.89 (16-ounces)
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good sweet berry flavor. Comes in 16-ounce can. It’s blue color. My definition of agave. The agave’s ability to inspire classic rock songs. Wikipedia.
Cons: Doesn’t have much of an energy kick. The boring Wikipedia definition of agave. Don’t know how to pronounce agave. Don’t know how to pronounce jahlapino.

23 thoughts on “REVIEW: Full Throttle Blue Demon Energy Drink

  1. Hilarious and wonderful definition. Inspired concept. My family all hails from Arizona and I’ve been in Texas for far too long now, so jalapenos and agave are de rigeur for me. However, I have one word for you: tequila. Tah-kill-yah.

  2. Yep, all I can think of when I hear agave is tequila. Maybe this energy drink is a good chaser for my tequila shots or maybe I have a problem.

  3. What’s that weird blue shadow in the center of the label? Forgive me if I’m dense, but is that supposed to be the ‘demon’?

    You really like the energy drinks, Marvo. I’m guessing you don’t get enough sleep on that new pillowtop mattress.

  4. Mescal is also made from agave. I live in the desert southwest, and have agaves all over my lawn. Maybe I should start distilling my own drinks. Also, I think “jahlapino” is a super-evil cousin of the jalapeno, maybe like a habanero with free will. Scary and enticing at the same time, kind of like Dracula — or your blog.

  5. When I am behind a proxy server tomorrow, I am going to repeatedly vandalize that page with your version.

    I don’t know about you, but I can’t read half of the things that are ingredients in a basic junk food. I am looking at a bag of chocolate covered Rold Gold pretzels, and I can’t pronounce half of the words. Which reminds me, you should review these. I was going to email you. Chocolate dipped, and salty. Addictive. Blue bag.

  6. Shame that an energy drink doesn’t give you energy.

    Love your improved description of agave, btw. But can’t the agave plant also be traced to groups of horny, drunken people giving each other a Dirty Sanchez as well?

  7. Can you please do some reviews on drinkable foods? I just had my jaw broke and can’t chew for 6-8 weeks and I do not like to try new things. So, since you are the only person I know of who reviews things for fun … I thought you might help a girl out! Thanks

  8. I like the name the best. “Demon”
    If that doesn’t give you energy then… wait… it didn’t give you energy. Well that’s boring, why would they have a name that cool for something that didn’t work?!?

    … At least it’s blue.

  9. You know, it just occurred to me how out-of-place the “a product of the Coca-Cola company” at the bottom looks. It’s like “WOOOOO EXTREEEEEEME” and then it’s like “curly girly script.” Dainty.

  10. L’il E – Yup, that’s what tequila does to me.

    Lord Jezo – I know it’s all right with vodka.

    Wednesday – They would probably lock me out, because I would probably keep making my own Wikipedia entry. Imagine all the fun I could have with a Marvo entry.

    Jackson – I don’t know what’s worse? Drinking a lot of tequila or drinking a lot of energy drinks

    Brie – That shadow is my poor photography skillz. As for energy drinks, I like trying new energy drinks and it seems like a new one pops up at the convenience store every month.

    Webmiztris – It would be even better in a kiddie pool with crazy straws.

    Kiki – If you do make your own drinks, please invite all of us over.

    Chuck – Very few things go well with habinyerose.

  11. Muneer – Gravatar has been messed up for the past couple of months, but only recently it’s been normal.

    Toni – And you would know that because… ;-)

    Jean – Yes, read it over and over. Soon you’ll be able to recite it word for word. Yes!

    Stuporstar – Does Ensure count? Anyway, sorry about your jaw. I’ll try to look for drinkable foods for you.

    Heather Feather – Yes, blue does rock. This energy drink doesn’t, energy-wise.

    Greg – Woo hoo! XTREME! AWESOME, DUDE! …I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony…

    tg – Just wait for my Mark Twain-ish review.

    DJ At Work – Nothing like corporate logos.

  12. Anyone want to try another Agave Flavored drink ? Try Snapple Rain . I unlike some others tried The “Blue Demon” not to be implusive but because I like the Agave flavor. I find it crisp & refreshing Like I don’t know Cactus Juice.

  13. Hey Dude!!!
    Do you like tequila????
    Yeah huh!! even if you can not pronounce it right.
    well Tequila is made out of BLUE AGAVE,
    So there you go a simple answer.

    If you drink a “tequila” that is not made from BLUE AGAVE then your drinking Mezcal or an imitation.

    peace out!!

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