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Crazy Visitor Email #3
By Marvo | December 26, 2006
TIB recently received an actual email from a visitor that is truly crazy. The email below refers to TIB’s review of Apple’s colorful and pricey iPod Socks, which was posted in 2004. Below this email is my reply.
The name in the email below HASN’T been changed, because I was too lazy to come up with another name.
From: Shirley
Date: December 26, 2006
Subject: Black MarketLet me tell you, it’s hard to find at the last minute a baby to use as a test subject. Even with $50,000 through the Black Market, our sources said it would’ve taken at least a couple of days.
Was this suppose to be a fucking joke or something? Your reference to the Black Market. What are you actually trying to say? Racist maybe WTF!!!!!
My reply, if I were to send one:
Dear Shirley,
First off, if you’re going to use the word “fucking,” use it with authority. Using it only once will not fully convey your anger. If you’re going to use the word “fucking,” it should be used to enhance most nouns and verbs. So your last paragraph should’ve been written like this: “Was this suppose to be a fucking joke or something? Your reference to the fucking Black Market. What are you actually trying to fucking say? Fucking racist maybe WTF!!!!!”
See, it’s much better now. It relays your anger in a much more harsh tone.
Now that I think about it, you know what else would’ve helped to make the email even more angrier — profanity pronouns. What are profanity pronouns? Here are a few examples: Bitch, asshole, shit face, cocksucker, and motherfucker.
So let’s take the paragraph we just revised and add some profanity pronouns. “Hey asshole. Was this suppose to be a fucking joke or something? Your reference to the fucking Black Market. What are you actually trying to fucking say, cocksucker? Fucking racist maybe you motherfucker WTF!!!!!”
Ohhh! Much better! If that doesn’t get your mouth washed out with soap, I don’t know what will.
Anyway, thank you for your email. We would like to say that using the Black Market doesn’t mean we’re racist. We’ve used both the Gray Market and White Market and found them to be not ideal for our company. While items on the Black Market are slightly more expensive than the same products found in the Gray and White Markets, the privacy and anonymity of the Black Market is worth the premium. Also, the selection of goods on the Black Market cannot be beat. Human organs, automatic weapons, fine pieces of art thought to be missing, and even babies are easily found on the Black Market, but don’t exist in the White or Gray Markets.
Thanks again for your email.
Sincerely,
A company
Topics: Crazy Visitor Emails |
Related Reviews:
Crazy Visitor Email #1
Crazy Visitor Email #4
Crazy Visitor Email #2
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2006 Holiday Fast Food Prize Drawing!!!
December 26th, 2006 at 10:43 pm
That is so sad. She thought that the Black Market was a place where you can buy black babies. What a complete moron.
December 26th, 2006 at 11:57 pm
I found this post to be fuckin hee-lar-ee-us. You’z a fuckin nut! LMAO!!
See, ‘fuckin’ can be used as a term of endearment too.
December 27th, 2006 at 2:37 am
i adore your website, i’ve started a review site on my own because here in italy there isn’t any. you’re lovely.
k.
December 27th, 2006 at 3:28 am
Hee! Send it Marvo! Send it!!!
December 27th, 2006 at 4:03 am
Actually I thought the Ipod socks were bought on the Pastel Market.
December 27th, 2006 at 4:42 am
Whoa, that’s fucking crazy!
You revise yours and others emails the same way I revise mine!
WTF!!!!!
December 27th, 2006 at 5:26 am
Fucking classic, Marvo! Thanks for another year of fun and keep sharing the loony emails!! runnin’ tings in tha ‘07!!
December 27th, 2006 at 6:30 am
hahahahaha!
December 27th, 2006 at 7:16 am
Sigh. Just when I marvel at how intelligent the human race has become, some dumb shit like this pops up.
One step forward, two steps back, I guess. Suffice it to say, she’s a fucking idiot.
December 27th, 2006 at 8:40 am
There are no words for this…except, I hope you keep your home address a well-guarded secret, Marvo!
December 27th, 2006 at 3:30 pm
I used to wonder about the political correctness of those Black Comedies. (Then I turned seven and realized they weren’t talking about the race of the actors.)
December 27th, 2006 at 5:55 pm
Personally, I do all of my shopping on the pink market. I find it really brightens up my day.
December 27th, 2006 at 6:44 pm
Oh, the Crazy, it burns!
December 27th, 2006 at 9:05 pm
Toni - Geez, if she really wanted to make an impact she should’ve sent an email to Madonna.
Single Ma - Yup, enhances the noun.
kia. - If I could speak and write Italian, there would be a product review blog in Italy.
Kari - No, Shirley is too crazy. I think she may own either an impressive knife collection or a crossbow.
Chuck - Actually iPod Socks could probably be had for cheap on the Grandma Crocheting Market.
Heather Feather - I bet you use the word “fucking” a whole lot more that I do.
December 27th, 2006 at 9:12 pm
gavTEK - If you keep readin’, I’ll keep writin’.
Ashley - HAHAHAHA!!!!
Brie - If everyone on the planet was intelligent, the world would not be fun or interesting. That’s just my opinion.
Kiki - I think I should get a PO Box soon.
cybele - We were so innocent and naive back then.
Amanda - I hear poodles are plentiful on the Pink Market.
Diana - You’re lucky it was a short email. If it was one of those long crazy manifesto rants, then it would probably burn through everything.
December 28th, 2006 at 6:05 am
People that think everything is racism are funny. You put your English degree to good use with these emails.
If you keep writin’, I’ll keep readin’.
December 28th, 2006 at 6:18 am
Wow, she didn’t actually know the meaning of Black Market and took it as a rascit remark? Whoah, limited vocabulary.
December 28th, 2006 at 6:19 am
Ooops, typo. “rascist”
December 29th, 2006 at 5:03 am
whoa. It sounds like it’s a good thing that this freak can’t get a Black Market baby.
*coo-coo! coo-coo!*
December 29th, 2006 at 10:26 am
I wonder if you can get a pre mature baby inside an Ipod sock on the Black Market.
It would make a good Christmas gift in my humble opinion.
December 29th, 2006 at 10:01 pm
For the sake of humanity, I hope that was sent in by someone as a joke, rather than a serious email.
December 30th, 2006 at 5:09 am
Dearest Marvo,
I miss the old ‘impulsive buy’ before the crazy visitor e-mails
-Sara
December 30th, 2006 at 7:06 am
makes me wanna slap her
marvo, is there cream of baby soup on the black market?
December 30th, 2006 at 2:25 pm
I like the Crazy Visitor emails…they add a nice touch of insanity along with stupidly righteous indignation that I think is quite amusing.
December 31st, 2006 at 5:04 pm
Just think what you could find at the rainbow market!
And I thought my crazy harasser was a kookoo!
happy New Years Marvo
January 1st, 2007 at 7:15 am
happy new year!
can you please review something that i can find here in italy? you can choose whatever you want… pleeeeease!
kiss.
kia.
January 1st, 2007 at 2:41 pm
I have to believe that this moron was either:
A: Unfamiliar with the english language and didn’t understand the phrase Black Market.
B: On Technicolor Crack.
C: Forgot to pay their brain bill for the month.
You pick.
January 1st, 2007 at 10:31 pm
Muneer - Yes, my English degree…I could’ve gone into law or teaching with it. Oh well. I’m happy.
fruityoaty - Hmm, I wonder what her definition of a Super Market is.
Webmiztris - I just hope she doesn’t read this post and get a Black Market gun.
Cpt Morgan - That would also make a messy Christmas gift.
Dove - Part of me thinks that it was sent as a joke, but I’ve gotten some weird emails over the years that makes the rest of me think that it wasn’t.
Sara - I like the Crazy Visitor Emails because they’re just as fun as writing regular reviews, but I also want to share some of the crazy things people email to TIB. The reviews will always be around.
DaDead - I think you can actually make that on your own with some lotion and use of some body parts.
Chuck - Plus, it’s something different.
Suzanne - Happy New Year!!!
kia. - Hmm, I don’t know what kind of products there are in Italy, but I’ll try to find something. Happy New Year!
Mia - I pick B.