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Crazy Visitor Email #4
By Marvo | January 28, 2007
Here’s another Crazy Visitor Email to read. This time the visitor thinks I’m part of the Unilever Corporation, which produces the wonderful Degree deodorant that turns up its protection when risks are taken. I don’t know if Degree deodorant truly does this because I don’t take risks. Well at least that’s what my last girlfriend said while she was explaining why she was breaking up with me. Now that I think about it, so did my girlfriend before her, and the one before her.
Dammit! I see a pattern here. So ladies, if you ever become so desperate that you have to date me, please remind me to take risks.
Anyway, the visitor probably read TIB’s review of a Degree deodorant posted a couple of years ago.
The name has been changed to protect the ignorant. All spelling and grammatical errors have NOT been changed, because it’s funny to read.
From: Bill
Date: November 19, 2006
Subject: Degree deordorant
I bought the Degree deordorant and the first time I used it the turn screw which is plastic broke on the bottom now the stick doesnot stay in its holder.If you wish I will mail it back to you.Please advise. Thank you (Bill’s mailing address removed)
The reply I wanted to send:
Dear Bill,
Congratulations you have discovered one of our new deodorant dispensers with our patent-pending body odor measuring technology. We really want to call this technology S.T.I.N.K., but we can’t think of the proper words to match with each individual letter. Right now, the only letters we have words for are “S” and “T” which stands for “Smell” and “Technology,” respectively.
What our patent-pending body odor measuring technology does is determine how much body odor you are emitting. Since there isn’t any scientific measurement for body odor, we’ve come up with our own way of measuring it…using hobos and a stuffy railroad box car.
The breaking of the turn screw on the bottom of your dispenser is not a defect, but a result of our patent-pending body odor measuring technology. In order to break the turn screw your armpit must be emitting the stink of at least eight hobos in a stuffy railroad box car. When the turn screw breaks, it lets us know, but most importantly, it lets you know, that no deodorant can help you with your horrible, putrid body odor.
We recommend you see a doctor about it and don’t raise your arms above your head until you do.
Thank you for your email!
Topics: Crazy Visitor Emails |
Related Reviews:
Crazy Visitor Email #1
Crazy Visitor Email #3
Crazy Visitor Email #2
Contact
2006 Holiday Fast Food Prize Drawing!!!
January 28th, 2007 at 8:15 pm
Smell Technology In New Knob. S.T.I.N.K.
January 28th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
Smell Technology In-case No-one Knows
Dang, spell check says incase and noone are not two words but 4. Sep kicks my trash.
January 28th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
lol hobo power!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loveline#Lingo
January 29th, 2007 at 6:34 am
lmao! it blows my mind how stupid people are to send product hate mail to a review blog. DUH!!
January 29th, 2007 at 8:00 am
Lisa’s right…A man with a sense of humor and knowledge about all things new. I’ll be back here to check for updates before going shopping!
January 29th, 2007 at 9:50 am
Aw, that wasn’t hate mail!
The poor dope just had his deodorant break on him, and there’s a product guarantee on the package, so he sent a relatively respectful (if moronic) email!
Provided he didn’t try to twist the knob the wrong way, his only fault was in thinking that your site was Degree’s site. So he might be guilty only of having a very low IQ and not guilty of being CRAZY as the title of this review segment advertised.
January 29th, 2007 at 10:18 am
Hilarious! I can just imagine what was going through this guys mind as he read your response. Too funny!
January 29th, 2007 at 10:19 am
Oh - duh… I just read that you wanted to send the response but didn’t. Still… very funny!
January 29th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
rofl!
January 29th, 2007 at 12:30 pm
damn yes, I get a ton of these consumers writing in, thinking I work for fricking Banquet, Progresso Soup and other companies. At least the guy was fairly nice, in fact he was almost so polite it’s funny. I usually get irate consumers writing in about how the chicken in their banquet dinner was nothing but twigs and bones. btw, you should email him back and tell him to buy Axe deodorant so that he can get scads and scads of women…
January 29th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
this makes me want to send you an email for all the shame you have cause my family…
January 29th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Why do I always feel like I am getting a scam email when they say “please advise”?
January 29th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
I bet you also won a lot of money from the Nigerian lottery.
Sub Terrestrial Incarcerated Non-Kangaroo. OK, I’m not sure why that smells, but it seems like it would smell quite putrid.
January 29th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
Wow - he should find a better deodorant - my deodorant doesn’t break until I smell like nine hobos in a stuffy box car.
January 29th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Hey, you know that your google ads aren’t working, right?
January 29th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
Nevermind. It was just displaying PSAs for awhile.
January 29th, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Wow, a POLITE Crazy Visitor Email. How rare. At least he was just delusional and not rude.
Let’s see…a good STINK acronym…Skunk Trial In New Kontainer. OK, kind of lame, but it’s getting late and I’m tired.
January 29th, 2007 at 6:33 pm
I got a (not crazy, but) dumbass comment today, from someone who thought I work for American Idol because I wrote a recap about one of the episodes. He asked for the email address of the Hollywood venue because he wanted to send some contestant some songs.
By the way, I didn’t shower today. I wonder how many hobos I smell like?
January 29th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
so i bot sum kroger chikin thies n burned it buy cookign it to long w/ my gorge forman grill can i have teh number 4 the george foremen company or to krogers chikin (sp?) dpt. please advise
It really boggles my mind how some people mangle the English language. I actually had to try really hard to write that garbage.
January 29th, 2007 at 11:54 pm
Sep - Maybe S.M.E.L.L would be better.
Mad Cow - The hyphens work.
Nyfeh - Wow imagine 100 hobos in a stuffy box car. That would be death…except for the hobos.
Webmiztris - Well some people still think that the internets is a series of tubes.
sandi @ the whistletop cafe - Thanks for stopping by!
Elecid - He misspelled “deordorant” and doesn’t believe in spaces in between sentences. I think that’s pretty crazy.
Kristen - Yes, I don’t think I’ll ever send any of these, because too many people have guns in the world.
Tabatha - TFROFL!
Bryan - Actually, I would be totally cool if I sent him a Degree for Women.
January 30th, 2007 at 12:01 am
calvin - Well your family makes it so easy to do.
Muneer - Don’t you mean “Pleeze addvize?” I don’t think scam emailers have spell check on their computers.
Luck O’ the Irish - A Sub Terrestrial Incarcerated Nude Kangaroo does smell really, really bad.
Clevegal42 - So I guess there are times when Secret deodorant isn’t even strong enough for a man?
Muneer - Bah! PSA! Well I guess I should be glad that they aren’t PDA (Public Displays of Affection).
Chuck - Skunk Tail In New Keeper?
Toni - Gotta love the internets! Didn’t shower, yet? I dare you to try and beat the world record for most days without a shower!
Sep - I have a headache from reading that garbage.
January 30th, 2007 at 12:40 am
I dunno Marvo- if I do that, my boyfriend may kick me out! Besides, I’ve done that in the past. My record is 2 weeks, because I had the flu or something.
January 30th, 2007 at 6:50 am
I’m having a blast saying “deordorant” out loud to myself, along with a few of my own variations. (I’m partial to “derordorant” because it sounds like a slurring drunk)
The hobos in a stuffy boxcar bit is pure comedy gold. It’s stuff like this that keeps me reading when I should be paying attention in class.
January 30th, 2007 at 7:39 am
I’m totally battling you in BOTB!! Personally, if I were able to vote, I’d vote for you. lmao!!
January 30th, 2007 at 8:15 am
Toni - Maybe your boyfriend is into stinky women. Just apply deodorant and perfume regularly.
Rhawb - Class…Shamass. I graduated college with a 2.4 GPA and look at me now.
Webmiztris - You know, if I were able to vote, I’d definitely vote for you!
January 30th, 2007 at 9:40 am
I’ve just come across your site and I think I’m gonna stick around. You are freakin’ hilarious!
January 30th, 2007 at 10:08 am
How do these people find you? sheesh.
January 30th, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Marvo and Toni - Sorry Marvo, but I’m going to have to contradict you. The only think worse then Hobo smell is Hobo smell covered up by something that should smell nice but is utterly ruined by, and thus magnifies the Hobo smell. The only exception to this may be hippies using incense to cover up their various stinks, but incense smells like crap to me anyways, so…there you go. 100 hippies in a box car would probably smell almost as bad as 100 hobos, but you wouldn’t care as much because you’d probably have a contact high.
January 31st, 2007 at 11:49 am
you’re not going to review the limited edition candy bar, are you?
See, I told you it was a conspiracy!
January 31st, 2007 at 9:45 pm
Mandiopia - Thanks, but stay around too long, you might get hungry or nauseous. One or the other.
Suzanne - I blame Google, Yahoo, and Microsoft.
Mad Cow - But hippies don’t go into box cars, they go into Volkswagon vans. So measuring stank using hippies is very limited, since we can only fit so many hippies in a Volkswagon van.
calvin - Just for you. There’s a review.
February 2nd, 2007 at 10:04 am
Hey Marvo… In reference to your Email #2 comment about the disclaimer above your contact page…
We have that SAME problem where I work.
Above our contact form it says “FOR WEBSITE QUESTIONS ONLY… Please direct all questions about style/color/price and shipping to a retail store!”
In HUGE RED TYPE.
We get 40-50 emails a day about Style, Colors and Prices.
People are MORONS.
February 2nd, 2007 at 10:29 pm
James - Or illiterate.