Crazy Visitor Email #4

Written by | January 28, 2007

Topics: Crazy Visitor Emails

Here’s another Crazy Visitor Email to read. This time the visitor thinks I’m part of the Unilever Corporation, which produces the wonderful Degree deodorant that turns up its protection when risks are taken. I don’t know if Degree deodorant truly does this because I don’t take risks. Well at least that’s what my last girlfriend said while she was explaining why she was breaking up with me. Now that I think about it, so did my girlfriend before her, and the one before her.

Dammit! I see a pattern here. So ladies, if you ever become so desperate that you have to date me, please remind me to take risks.

Anyway, the visitor probably read TIB’s review of a Degree deodorant posted a couple of years ago.

The name has been changed to protect the ignorant. All spelling and grammatical errors have NOT been changed, because it’s funny to read.

From: Bill
Date: November 19, 2006
Subject: Degree deordorant
I bought the Degree deordorant and the first time I used it the turn screw which is plastic broke on the bottom now the stick doesnot stay in its holder.If you wish I will mail it back to you.Please advise. Thank you (Bill’s mailing address removed)

The reply I wanted to send:

Dear Bill,

Congratulations you have discovered one of our new deodorant dispensers with our patent-pending body odor measuring technology. We really want to call this technology S.T.I.N.K., but we can’t think of the proper words to match with each individual letter. Right now, the only letters we have words for are “S” and “T” which stands for “Smell” and “Technology,” respectively.

What our patent-pending body odor measuring technology does is determine how much body odor you are emitting. Since there isn’t any scientific measurement for body odor, we’ve come up with our own way of measuring it…using hobos and a stuffy railroad box car.

The breaking of the turn screw on the bottom of your dispenser is not a defect, but a result of our patent-pending body odor measuring technology. In order to break the turn screw your armpit must be emitting the stink of at least eight hobos in a stuffy railroad box car. When the turn screw breaks, it lets us know, but most importantly, it lets you know, that no deodorant can help you with your horrible, putrid body odor.

We recommend you see a doctor about it and don’t raise your arms above your head until you do.

Thank you for your email!

32 Comments For This Post I'd Love to Hear Yours!

  1. marvo says:

    calvin – Well your family makes it so easy to do.

    Muneer – Don’t you mean “Pleeze addvize?” I don’t think scam emailers have spell check on their computers.

    Luck O’ the Irish – A Sub Terrestrial Incarcerated Nude Kangaroo does smell really, really bad.

    Clevegal42 – So I guess there are times when Secret deodorant isn’t even strong enough for a man? :-)

    Muneer – Bah! PSA! Well I guess I should be glad that they aren’t PDA (Public Displays of Affection).

    Chuck – Skunk Tail In New Keeper?

    Toni – Gotta love the internets! Didn’t shower, yet? I dare you to try and beat the world record for most days without a shower!

    Sep – I have a headache from reading that garbage.

  2. Toni says:

    I dunno Marvo- if I do that, my boyfriend may kick me out! Besides, I’ve done that in the past. My record is 2 weeks, because I had the flu or something.

  3. Rhawb says:

    I’m having a blast saying “deordorant” out loud to myself, along with a few of my own variations. (I’m partial to “derordorant” because it sounds like a slurring drunk)

    The hobos in a stuffy boxcar bit is pure comedy gold. It’s stuff like this that keeps me reading when I should be paying attention in class.

  4. I’m totally battling you in BOTB!! Personally, if I were able to vote, I’d vote for you. lmao!!

  5. marvo says:

    Toni – Maybe your boyfriend is into stinky women. Just apply deodorant and perfume regularly.

    Rhawb – Class…Shamass. I graduated college with a 2.4 GPA and look at me now.

    Webmiztris – You know, if I were able to vote, I’d definitely vote for you!

  6. Mandiopia says:

    I’ve just come across your site and I think I’m gonna stick around. You are freakin’ hilarious!

  7. Suzanne says:

    How do these people find you? sheesh.

  8. Mad Cow says:

    Marvo and Toni – Sorry Marvo, but I’m going to have to contradict you. The only think worse then Hobo smell is Hobo smell covered up by something that should smell nice but is utterly ruined by, and thus magnifies the Hobo smell. The only exception to this may be hippies using incense to cover up their various stinks, but incense smells like crap to me anyways, so…there you go. 100 hippies in a box car would probably smell almost as bad as 100 hobos, but you wouldn’t care as much because you’d probably have a contact high.

  9. calvin says:

    you’re not going to review the limited edition candy bar, are you?

    See, I told you it was a conspiracy!

  10. marvo says:

    Mandiopia – Thanks, but stay around too long, you might get hungry or nauseous. One or the other.

    Suzanne – I blame Google, Yahoo, and Microsoft.

    Mad Cow – But hippies don’t go into box cars, they go into Volkswagon vans. So measuring stank using hippies is very limited, since we can only fit so many hippies in a Volkswagon van.

    calvin – Just for you. There’s a review.

  11. James says:

    Hey Marvo… In reference to your Email #2 comment about the disclaimer above your contact page…

    We have that SAME problem where I work.

    Above our contact form it says “FOR WEBSITE QUESTIONS ONLY… Please direct all questions about style/color/price and shipping to a retail store!”


    We get 40-50 emails a day about Style, Colors and Prices.

    People are MORONS.

  12. marvo says:

    James – Or illiterate.