Here’s another Crazy Visitor Email to read. This time the visitor thinks I’m part of the Unilever Corporation, which produces the wonderful Degree deodorant that turns up its protection when risks are taken. I don’t know if Degree deodorant truly does this because I don’t take risks. Well at least that’s what my last girlfriend said while she was explaining why she was breaking up with me. Now that I think about it, so did my girlfriend before her, and the one before her.
Dammit! I see a pattern here. So ladies, if you ever become so desperate that you have to date me, please remind me to take risks.
Anyway, the visitor probably read TIB’s review of a Degree deodorant posted a couple of years ago.
The name has been changed to protect the ignorant. All spelling and grammatical errors have NOT been changed, because it’s funny to read.
Date: November 19, 2006
Subject: Degree deordorant
I bought the Degree deordorant and the first time I used it the turn screw which is plastic broke on the bottom now the stick doesnot stay in its holder.If you wish I will mail it back to you.Please advise. Thank you (Bill’s mailing address removed)
The reply I wanted to send:
Congratulations you have discovered one of our new deodorant dispensers with our patent-pending body odor measuring technology. We really want to call this technology S.T.I.N.K., but we can’t think of the proper words to match with each individual letter. Right now, the only letters we have words for are “S” and “T” which stands for “Smell” and “Technology,” respectively.
What our patent-pending body odor measuring technology does is determine how much body odor you are emitting. Since there isn’t any scientific measurement for body odor, we’ve come up with our own way of measuring it…using hobos and a stuffy railroad box car.
The breaking of the turn screw on the bottom of your dispenser is not a defect, but a result of our patent-pending body odor measuring technology. In order to break the turn screw your armpit must be emitting the stink of at least eight hobos in a stuffy railroad box car. When the turn screw breaks, it lets us know, but most importantly, it lets you know, that no deodorant can help you with your horrible, putrid body odor.
We recommend you see a doctor about it and don’t raise your arms above your head until you do.
Thank you for your email!