REVIEW: Rumba Energy Juice

If there is one thing you should know about me it’s that I’m all about obsessive-compulsive cleanliness, so I was totally stoked about finally getting a Rumba vacuuming robot.

It’s been the number one thing on my wishlist for the past couple of years, ahead of my desire for a new Steven Seagal movie that doesn’t go straight to DVD and more episodes of the supersonic helicopter television series Airwolf.

There were many things that surprised me about the Rumba. The first was its cost. I thought these household wonders were about $199 and not the $1.99 I paid at the convenience store down the street. Another surprise was that it didn’t need to be plugged into an outlet for power. It apparently was solar powered, which I figured out thanks to the picture of the sun on its body.

If you don’t own a Rumba, the best part about having one is the fact that they’re semi-autonomous. Just like the Ronco Showtime Rotisserie and placing children in front of a television, you can “set it and forget it.” I didn’t know how to program mine, since it didn’t come with a manual, so I just touched it and hoped for the best, but unfortunately it didn’t do anything.

I didn’t think it was broken, I thought it was just shy, so I decided to leave it alone and set up a camera to take time-lapse pictures of it in action. Here’s what the camera took and as you will see, it definitely took some hot action:

As you saw in the video, the Rumba gave my iPod some sweet, sweet — possibly a little rough — electronic lovin’. But it wasn’t just my iPod that I caught it with. The Rumba “plugged itself into” any device that had a port/hole in it, like my laptop, the subwoofer that came with my computer speakers, a USB hub, my wireless router, the cable modem, my cell phone, and I don’t know how it did it, but it also got it on with the camera that was taking the time-lapse photos of it.

I guess robots need love too.

I knew I had to stop the Rumba from humping my gadgets to prevent it from breaking them, so I decided to open up the Rumba to see what was wrong with it, despite the fact that it might void my warranty. In doing so, I discovered something surprising.

It turns out that the Rumba I got was not a gadget-humping vacuuming robot, instead it was a gadget-humping can of energy juice.

On the outside, the Rumba Energy Juice looks like any other energy drink out there, but inside the can is one of the best energy drinks I’ve ever had — and also probably the horniest energy drink ever.

It’s non-carbonated which means it’s REALLY easy to drink, like malt liquor is for a homeless alcoholic. What also makes it easy to drink is the fact that it tastes and looks just like orange juice, but not only does it contain orange juice, it’s also got apple, pear, peach, tangerine, pineapple, and white grape juice concentrates.

Despite the fact that it tastes like OJ, drinking it after brushing my teeth didn’t cause it to taste funky like regular OJ does.

If you look closely as the picture above, you’ll see a bunch of tiny white particles floating around in it, which I’m going to assume is some of the energy goodness found in the Rumba Energy Juice. It contains all the usual energy ingredients, like B vitamins, taurine, ginseng, caffeine, guarana, L-carnitine, and inositol, all of which did a good job of giving me a boost of energy.

No wonder the Rumba Energy Juice had a lot of energy to pound every electronic device I own.

Item: Rumba Energy Juice
Price: $1.99 (15.5-ounces)
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 5 out of 5
Pros: One of the best energy drinks I’ve had. Looks and tastes like orange juice. 100% juice. Easy to drink. Non-carbonated. Gave me a good energy pick up. Lots of vitamins and minerals. Airwolf.
Cons: Not a Roomba Vacuuming Robot. White particles floating around in it. Likes to hump gadgets.

29 thoughts on “REVIEW: Rumba Energy Juice

  1. Wow! That actually might be fairly healthy too. Have you EVER reviewed anything that actually might be healthy? Naughty robots need love too.

  2. I can honestly say I’ve never been more enthused by an ipod and a can of non-carbonated beverage in my life. xD

    You are certainly one quirky fellow, mister.

    Tastes like orange juice, eh?…Unfortunately orange juice has this strange effect that feels like it is eating my insides in an acidic manner as I drink it, so…I guess it depends on how I’m masochistic I’m feeling if I decide to drink it.

  3. So your Rumba liked to rumba huh? HAHAHAHA! OK, that was kind of lame.

    I have a friend who has a Roomba and really enjoys it. But not in a physical way or anything.

  4. Wonder what comes of relations of a Roomba with a Scooba? Totally worth it if the offspring are little dusters or something that irons. I won’t need any of those 3rd world children I ordered if that’s the case.

    Those white particulates make me nervous, Marvo, but since you gave this a 5 o’ 5, then maybe I’ll try that, too, while I work on this Roomba/Scooba mating ritual.

  5. Man, that IPod really got nailed. That was hilarious, the Rumba just standing there all innocent and then sneaking off for some freaky techno action. And am I mistaken, or did the Rumba hump the IPod on and off that carpet? Good Lord, I can imagine the rug burn.

  6. I don’t know – that looked awfully…brownish for OJ. Maybe it was all the shaking from the physical activity. If that thing is going to keep humping the appliances, might I suggest either a trip to the urologist or a surge protector.

  7. Maybe you should think about getting some protection for your iPod and other devices. I imagine you don’t want your iPod to get knocked up and start popping out a bunch a iPod Nano’s. Well, on second though, this might be a good thing as you could start selling them and become filthy rich and then every woman will want to make sweet, sweet lovin’ with you. 🙂

  8. Sweety that was funny but I hope this whole e-dating things works out for you. You have way too much time on your hands.

  9. Marvo, you NEED to get a Roomba. Got one from my sister for Christmas and it rocks! If the $200 scares you, you can often get them on woot.com for $150, but then again, they don’t deliver to Hawaii, so I guess it sucks to be you. Maybe you can pound a few Rumbas and get to vacuuming.

  10. i had this stuff once, and it tasted like 3 year old orange juice, and i have had 3 year old orange juice once, it was a bet i had to take, to drink a whole glass…and i needed money to buy heart burn pills, i shouldn’t really eat spicy sausage anymore, its horrible for me.
    but its horrible stuff!!

  11. L’il E – Remember that Samantha Fox song, “Naughty Girls Need Love Too?” Anyway, I’ve reviewed a number of healthy products. It’s just that nothing comes to mind.

    ThatSpookyTallChick – Oooh, you definitely should stay away from orange juice. I hope you don’t live in Florida. 😉

    Chuck – Man, that Rumba was messed up. I hope it didn’t hump my television.

    celebrate woo-woo – Well, technically any energy drink can have no carbonation if you leave it in the fridge opened for a few days.

    Domokun – How cheap are 3rd world children? If it takes 25 cents a day to feed an entire village, I’m thinking each child has to be worth 50 cents.

    Webmiztris – if companies would bribe me with sacks of money there would be more 5s. 😉

    Toni – I thought about adding a porn soundtrack to it, but thought otherwise.

  12. Brie – The rug burns okay. The back of my iPod is already scratched up. My iPod doesn’t like to use protection.

    Eletb – Hi.

    Clevegal42 – Actually, I had to darken the photo a little bit so the white particles could be seen better. As for a surge protector, it probably already humped it.

    DJ At Work – Geez, the poor dock connector would probably get stretched out if it started popping out a bunch of iPod Nanos. 🙂

    MCW – More than you can ever imaging. 🙂

    Sep – Oooh, then it would be like Oxyclean and it would have it’s own infomercials.

    Mad Cow – Yes, I’m very upset by the fact I can’t participate with Woot! Damn this living on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean!

    Josh! – But it tasted like orange juice!

  13. Hey, did you see that suicidal robot commercial during the Superbowl?

    Maybe if he had some of this, he would have had enough energy to hump all other electrical devices and wouldn’t have been so depressed…

    Do I sense a product collaboration coming on?

  14. Ooops, I meant to say, “…under their beds.” I didn’t wish to imply they were sleeping together. Paris would be waaayyyyy too boring for Colin.

  15. Wow. Now I know what the internet is really about. Time lapse footage… of can-on-iPod sex. That is the greatest video since 9000!NINE THOUSAND!!!!! (I’m not gonna link it though, cause I fear someone might watch it.)

  16. I think this is one of the first products reviewed on the Impulsive Buy that I’m actually interested in trying out. Although I’m glad it’s in a can form; the photo of it in a glass looks more like some skeezy urine.

  17. Rylan – Nope, the can was closed. It was probably the dark blue tab you saw.

    Heather Feather – Yes, poor robot. But there were so many robots in that factory, you would think they could have a robot orgy in there. Who doesn’t love orgies?

    kevin – Ew…a Colin Farrell/Paris Hilton sex tape would not be hot.

    Tickkid – Be glad it wasn’t video of two shirtless Chinese college boys lip syncing boy band songs.

    Zadillo – Due to my poor photography skillz and a little tweaking in Photoshop it turned out that color.

  18. on SNL they did a commercial skit about WOOMBA, a device that runs around cleaning your VJ when it needs it.

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