My mom always tells me that I should hang out at bookstores to meet a nice, smart girl, but I haven’t had any luck, probably because I hang out in the Sex & Relationships section a little too long.

Now some of you are probably saying, “Why not meet someone at a bar or club?”

I’m a busy person and I don’t have time to hang out at the bar until three in the morning waiting for a woman drunk enough to say yes to a date.

So I am pretty much left with the internet. Fortunately, there are many people out there using the internet as a way to get a date. It’s as common as YouTube videos of dudes being hit in the cojones with a wide variety of items. There are many dating websites out there, so I thought I would narrow the choices down to three and let you guys determine which one I’ll sign up for in a new product review poll.

Here are the three dating websites you will be able to vote for:

1. eHarmony.com ($30.00 per month)

3. Yahoo Personals ($25 per month)

As you can see, they all cost a bit of money to join, so I thought about adding the free Honolulu Craigslist personals with the choices, but I’m afraid that because it’s free, I will end up with someone who either has a penis or wants to steal a kidney from me and trade it on the black market for a Nintendo Wii.

The dating website with the most votes will be declared the winner. The winner will be reviewed and the other dating websites will not be getting my money and the women who are on those other dating websites will not be getting my heart. To vote, just leave a comment for this post with your choice. Only one choice and vote per person — especially you Calvin.

Current results (as of 10:00 pm 2/11):

Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

I’ll be accepting votes until Valentine’s Day, Wednesday, February 14th (11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time). Since the product is something that takes awhile to test, don’t expect a review here on TIB for several months, but take consolation in the fact that you might be responsible for possibly helping me either find true love or a crazy psycho bitch who will make me play with her fifteen cats with names like Socks, Mr. Twinkle Toes, Buttons, Fluffy, Meow Meow, Twitchy, Stimpy, Gingersnap, Kitty Poo, Tootles, Hairball, Mandrake, Fantasia, Patchy, and Fuzzbutt.

Now go vote like your friend is running for student body president, because you don’t want either the head cheerleader or the captain of the football team to win, since they’re both self-centered snobs.

I wonder what’s a worse fate for a chicken: To be a grilled or crispy piece of chicken in the new McDonald’s Honey Mustard Snack Wrap.

Sure, there are even worse fates for chickens, like bird flu, being used in some screwed up way in a Jackass stunt, Chicken McNuggets, dancing naked in the Peter Gabriel “Sledgehammer” music video, or being eaten by Nicole Richie, then being regurgitated by Nicole Richie.

Unlike the original Ranch Snack Wrap, which only comes with crispy chicken, the honey mustard one come with either crispy chicken or grilled chicken, which is probably healthier than the crispy version, unless McDonald’s has found a way to grill things by sticking them in hot oil.

Along with your choice of chicken, the Honey Mustard Snack Wrap also comes with shredded cheddar jack cheese, lettuce, a sweet and tangy honey mustard sauce wrapped in a flour tortilla, and for some, it also comes with the guilt of knowing that you’re eating another McDonald’s product despite your promise to swear off of it after watching the documentary Super Size Me.

After trying both the crispy and grilled Honey Mustard Snack Wrap, it’s hard to determine which one I like better. It’s like trying to choose which Olsen twin I like best, because just like Mary-Kate and Ashley, both versions of the Honey Mustard Snack Wrap look alike, are kinda pale on the outside, and don’t have much meat in them.

The crispy version has 320 calories, 15 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 750 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbs, 1 gram of dietary fiber, and 14 grams of protein.

The grilled version has 260 calories, 9 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 800 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbs, 1 gram of dietary fiber, and 18 grams of protein.

Both versions are about six or seven inches long, which is either small, big, or just right, depending on how big your hands or cock is. For me, the size of the Honey Mustard Snack Wrap was wayyyyyyyy too small and I wished that it was a more reasonable nine to ten inches. But then again what do you expect for some thing that costs just $1.29?

So in the end, which Honey Mustard Snack Wrap do I prefer and which is the worst fate for a piece of chicken, crispy or grilled?

Well, the crispy version tastes better, but the grilled one is healthier. However, the honey mustard sauce had kind of a weird sweet deli mustard spicy taste to it, so it turns out that the worst fate for a piece of chicken would be to end up in a Honey Mustard Snack Wrap and I prefer neither the crispy nor grilled versions of it and I’d rather go buy the much better original Ranch Snack Wrap instead.

I’ll leave the Honey Mustard Snack Wraps for Nicole Richie to regurgitate.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Danton for letting me know about the McDonald’s Honey Mustard Snack Wrap.)

Item: McDonald’s Honey Mustard Snack Wrap
Price: $1.29
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Now able to choose between grilled and crispy chicken. Decent price. Grilled is healthier. Crispy is better tasting.
Cons: Honey mustard sauce is kind of weird tasting. Kind small for my big…um, hands. Breaking your promise to not eat fast food. Being in a Jackass stunt. Being regurgitated by Nicole Richie.