REVIEW: Oral Fixation Mints Variety 6-Pack

I know what you’re thinking.

With the word “oral” in the name of today’s review subject, the Oral Fixation Mints Variety 6-Pack, you’re probably wondering how many oral sex references will be in this review.

I thought about taking the blowjob approach, but realized going down on that long hard road would be an obvious twist for those of you who are regular Impulsive Buy reader. I wanted to wrap my head around quality, rock hard writing, instead of the usual crass and juvenile reviews I write.

But I also thought the idea would be fun to play with. This caused my head to go back and forth between taking the long hard road or not taking it. I also thought if I should swallow my pride, write the review, and see what people think or if I should spit out the idea.

In the end, I wiped my mouth clean of the oral sex idea and decided to do a classy review of these mints, which would involve me sucking on mints, taking it all in my mouth, and doing it repeatedly until I came to a happy ending.

Besides wondering about how many blowjob references would be in this review, I’m sure all of you have non-sexual questions about the Oral Fixation Mints Variety 6-Pack. So I posed myself several questions that someone would probably ask about these mints. Whether they be long or short questions, I’ll satisfy them all.

Question: What are the six flavors in the Oral Fixation Mints Variety 6-Pack and which mints did you like sucking on the most and least?

Answer: The six flavors are 7 Deadly Cinnamon, Mojito Mint (Lime Mine Cocktail), Night Light (Caffeinated Chai Mint), Sugar Free Tibet (Sugarless Wintergreens), Classical Peppermint, and Spare Mint. The mint I enjoyed sucking on the most was the Classical Peppermint, because I’ve sucked on a lot of mints over the years and every peppermint has always tasted good in my mouth. My least favorite was the Sugar Free Tibet mint because it tasted like I was sucking on a Fun Dip stick without the flavored sugar.

Question: I’m a smoker and I love to eat things with onions. My co-workers don’t like to be around me after my smoke break or lunch. Will these mints help with my breath?

Answer: If you’ve gone down are a few hot dogs loaded with onion and sauerkraut, I don’t think any of these mints have the power to mask what you just swallowed. None of the smooth mints in the Oral Fixation Variety 6-Pack come close to the punch that Altoids have. Even sticking more than one mint in your mouth won’t help.

Question: I don’t know if you watched Rush Hour 2, but remember that scene when they go to the massage parlor to find Ricky Tan and they’re allowed to choose among a plethora of hot Asian women. Is having to choose between the six mint flavors anything close to that?

Answer: Wow! That was a long question. Give me a moment to take it all in. A little bit more. I’m almost there. Okay, it’s all in. I have seen Rush Hour 2 and I think the scene when they had to choose among a plethora of hot Asian women is similar to picking which mints to suck on. Just like there were really exotic-looking women in that scene, there were also really exotic tasting mints. The Mojito Mint and Night Light mints were intriguing since they were unusual flavors for mints. The Mojito Mint had a good lime flavor and it was probably my second favorite mint from the bunch. The Night Light mints were caffeinated, but I don’t think there was enough to raise me to attention.

Question: Do you think the Oral Fixation logo on the tin looks frickin’ scary and it also looks like a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers mask?

Answer: Dude, it totally looks like a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers mask! Also, the embossed logo on each of the tins seems kind of creepy to me. When I look at it, I’m afraid the logo will pop out and stab me in an eye. Or they’ll melt off and form a pool of liquid metal, which will turn into a female cyborg hellbent on assassinating John Connor. It also looks like a female praying mantis about to eat her mate right after getting it on with each other. If I was sucking on a fattie, that logo would totally blow my mind.

Question: Did you try all six flavors at one time?

Question: I did stick all six mints in my mouth, and let me tell you, it was hard because it’s been awhile since I’ve had six mints in my mouth. I thought I’d spit some out, but I kept all of them in my mouth.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Dennis from Details For Men for sending me the Oral Fixation Mints Variety 6-Pack.)

Item: Oral Fixation Mints Variety 6-Pack
Price: FREE
Purchased at: Received from Details For Men
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Nice tins. Variety is the spice of life. Classical Peppermint was the best. Mojito Mint was good. Night Light mint was interesting.
Cons: Not strong mints, like Altoids. Sugar Free Tibet. Oral Fixation Mints logo is creepy and looks like a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Mask.

29 thoughts on “REVIEW: Oral Fixation Mints Variety 6-Pack

  1. YES, Marvo! You never disappoint me. That was truly a classy review and you did it without any oral sex references. I thought that the name “Spare Mint” was a typo and saw from the Details for Men sight that it’s correct. So, is it mint-light?

  2. I’m going to stick with Altoids Gum when I want to freshen my breath…both because it’s strong and when I freshen my breath, I like to have something to bite down on and chew.

  3. I bought my first tin of Oral Fixation a few months back at a local coffee shop and I’ve been hooked ever since.

    Mojito Mints are my downfall. Great packaging too!

  4. Um, that’s a vagina and fallopian tubes. Ovaries. If it didn’t say “oral”, I’d think they were for meant for women…in the “down there” region. I’m sure it’s a nice region that you have, but I’m not thinking that part wants or needs a mint. Maybe house keys or a wallet for safe-keeping, but not a mint.

  5. interesting, um, logo that the mints have… ^^;; indeed it is reminiscent of power rangers. in any case, i’d better go out and buy some of these, my friends all claim i have an oral fixation … and what better way to satiate it than with these aptly-named mints?

  6. Good to see you show some restraint Marvo. Do you think some of the Asian women in that Rush Hour 2 scene were men?

  7. There was no mention of the words “deep” or “throat” in this review. I am deeply disappointed.

  8. You dirty, dirty boy…by beating around the bush you seem to have come out looking innocent?!

    lol @ Dawn…2 alien chicks…unseen footage from “Signs”…sexy πŸ˜‰

  9. I knew I could count on Marvo for a classy review with no sexual innuendo whatsoever. His integrity is limitless, much like his love for volunteering in the community. Not only is he a hilarious product reviewer, but he knows how to make us laugh without cheap humor. I commend him for not offending my delicate sensibilities. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a blowbang scene to direct.

  10. I loooove the classical peppermint one!
    Marvo, you’re so classy. So, so classy.
    I’d get these all the time in Houston, but they’re so expensive! I don’t have that much money to spend on mints until I get a classy, classy new career.

  11. LaneO – First off, holy crap you’re up early! All are light, but the Spare Mint will become my spare mint, since I like to use the good stuff first.

    Chuck – Come on, Chuck. You gotta live a little. Variety is the spice of life. You gotta try something beside Cinnamon Altoids Gum. πŸ™‚

    themarina – Yes, I like the Mojito Mints. I’ve had an actual mojito a couple of times in my life and they’re not bad. I’m just afraid of swallowing mint leaves.

    Webmiztris – Oooh, that sound totally sexy. Let me think about that a little bit more. Let me imagine it. They’re both Japanese chicks. Oooh, yeah. I like that.

    Domokun – Geez, you’re frickin’ right! That freaks me out even more! It makes me think I’m on a streak of reviewing products that are marketed to women.

    Tamara – You should be glad your friends claim you have an oral fixation, because schizophrenia would be something much worse for your friends to claim.

  12. kevin – If there were men, they were some hot looking men. I know for sure there were several Import Car Models.

    stef – How about “deep” and “throat” in a comment?

    skibs – Two alien chicks are TOTALLY hot!!!

    Ace N. – Dude, where’s your porn grammar? There’s a hyphen between blow and bang, like this: blow-bang.

    KT – Yeah, I guess being a student doesn’t pay much. These mints are expensive. They were $3 on the site that sent them to me for free. But I like the tins.

  13. Melbatoast – Maybe it’s The Joker wearing a bra over this eyes? The Joker would totally do something crazy like that.

  14. Marvo – Why should I try new breath freshening products when I’ve found my cinnamon soul mate? Although I do occasionally cheat on her with traditional Altoids mints. Now, if they ever come out with anything more Xtreme, I may give it a whirl…but until then, me and Ms. C.A. Gum will continue our passionate affair.

  15. Speaking of oral sex and Power Rangers…you might want to look up what Austin St. John has been up to recently.

  16. I hope you didn’t sleep with the mints in your bedroom, in case the praying mantis cyborgs came to life and attacked you in your sleep. The chai mint ones are really yummy.

  17. Chuck – Oooh, xtreme Altoids habanero cinnamon gum!!! I know you’d try it.

    Sep – More importantly, I didn’t know the original Yellow Power Ranger died. πŸ™

    Melanie – If they did, that would’ve been the most action I’ve had in a bed for a very long time. πŸ™

  18. That review totally blew me away. And the fact that he answered all of our questions beforehand… is Marvo psychic? Some of those questions were pretty deep. But that was only the tip of the iceberg; Marvo was so far ahead of us that he even interpreted the logo! I hope the popularity of this site snowballs into something that will eventually make Marvo a TV personality. He’s funnier than that Borat character, and his humor is much cleaner.

  19. I’m drawn to that red tin, primarily because I like the color red. My car is red πŸ™‚

    The logo looks like two chicks feeding each other, though I can see how it can look like a Power Ranger mask as well.

    As for Austin St. John- WHOA! Who knew he was a gay porn star? I wonder if he’s really gay, or just “gay for pay” like most female porn stars are?

  20. Chuck – If that ever comes out and I try it, I’ll put the taste test on YouTube.

    Elecid – Also, I don’t wrestle with fat, hairy, naked guys.

    Aimee – Meh, it was all right.

    Toni – What? Female porn stars are “gay for pay?” You just ruined all porn for me! πŸ™

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