Foods From Mexico Product Review Poll!!!

There are TIB readers all around the world.

Australia, Japan, the United Kingdom, France, Italy, the Philippines, New Zealand, India, the Netherlands, South Africa, Israel, and Canada are most of the places international TIB readers are from. But this product review poll is dedicated to the TIB reader(s) in Mexico.

Anyway, two friends of mine went to Mexico late last year and brought me back some foods from the region for me to try. You, the readers of TIB, will be able to vote for which one of these products I will review for the TIB reader(s) in Mexico.

Here are the foods from Mexico you will be able to vote for:

1. Hot Nuts

2. Pronto Piña Gelatin

3. Con Jalapeño SPAM

The food from Mexico with the most votes will be declared the winner. The winner will be eaten and reviewed, while the other foods from Mexico will sit on my shelf and wish for a better life in the United States.

To vote, just leave a comment with this post with your choice. Only one choice and vote per person.

I’ll be accepting votes until Saturday, March 17th (11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time) and the review will be posted soon after, but not written in Spanish.

Final Results:

Spam – 52 votes
Hot Nuts – 31 votes
Gelatin – 8 votes

Thanks to everyone who participated!

Now go vote like you’re at a local PTA meeting and deciding on whether or not it was appropriate for Sisqó’s “Thong Song” to be played at a fifth grade dance, then come up with ideas about where Sisqó’s career went.

REVIEW: Altoids Dark Chocolate Dipped Mints

Oh, Peppermint Altoids!

Your curiously strong powers have thwarted my plans for world domination time and time again. How can I continue to scare away pretty women, make babies cry and make salespeople regret approaching me with you constantly freshening my breath with your curiously strong minty powers?

I have attempted to increase my super stench powers to match your powers by not brushing my teeth, not flossing, not showering, not using deodorant, not changing my socks, and even not wiping, but my power-increasing experiments on myself have proved too much for even my dull nose to handle.

But recently, I have come across a compound that has the ability to weaken your curiously strong minty powers and turn you into a mere mint, like your weakling friends Tic Tacs and Certs. It is the kryptonite that will bring your doom, as well as the world’s. Muahaha. Muahaha.

This compound is dark chocolate.

Don’t you find it ironic that dark chocolate with its healthy flavonoid antioxidants also has the ability to cause harm to your curiously strong super powers, Altoids? Muahaha. Muahaha.

Don’t you also find it interesting that the word “dark” is in dark chocolate? Because when you’re defeated, the world will be a dark place when I rule it with my bad breath. Muahaha. Muahaha.

Oh, I can imagine it now. I can eat onions, garlic and a variety of fermented foods and go up to a person and talk to them using a lot of words with the letter “o” in them and verbally stress every single one: OOOOH, DOOOO YOOOOU KNOOOOW, HOOOOW TOOOO GOOOO TOOOO TOOOOLEDOOOO OOOOHIOOOO?

I could harm hundreds of people with that phrase alone.

Not even your curiously strong Super Friends, Cinnamon Altoids and Ginger Altoids, can stop me from polluting the air with my bad breath and making it very uncomfortable to sit next to me on a crowded bus or in coach class on an airplane. Muahaha. Muahaha.

So try and stop me, Peppermint Altoids.

Oh, you’re facing me head on with Cinnamon Altoids and Ginger Altoids? You’ve got balls, Peppermint Altoids, just like your Peanuts cartoon strip character namesake Peppermint Patty has. But I’ve got dark chocolate and I’m going to use it to weaken all of your curiously strong powers.

So how does it feel to be covered it dark chocolate in my mouth, my breath-freshening friends? Is it dark? It must be…dark. Oh, the dark chocolate is so delicious in so many ways, especially on you, Peppermint Altoids and Cinnamon Altoids. Muahaha. Muahaha.

(Seconds later)

W-w-what is going on? The dark chocolate is melting in my mouth.

NOOOOO!!!

Your curiously strong minty, cinnamony, and gingery powers have broken through my layer of dark chocolate, freshening my breath and making me powerless and non-pungent. Actually, except the Ginger Altoids, you’re kind of gross. I must flee!

You may have won this battle, Altoids. But you will not win the war. I’ll be back, and when I do, mark my words, you will regret it and smell it. Muahaha. Muahaha.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Marc at Hunter PR who sent samples to me a few weeks ago. Also, for more Altoids Dark Chocolate Dipped Mints reviews, go visit Candyblog and Candy Addict.)

Item: Altoids Dark Chocolate Dipped Mints
Price: FREE
Purchased at: Received free from Marc at Hunter PR
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Dark chocolate is good for you. Cinnamon and Peppermint versions were good. Once the chocolate melts away, Altoids can save the day with their curiously strong powers from bad breath bad guys.
Cons: Dark chocolate is temporarily bad for Altoids’ curiously strong minty powers. Chocolate melts away too fast. Ginger Altoids was my least favorite. Tic Tacs and Certs are weaklings. My thwarted plans for world domination. My breath without Altoids.

Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy Eucalyptus Spearmint Body Wash

This review is dedicated to all the MILFs out there. Because without them, the population wouldn’t grow and the Fountains of Wayne song, “Stacy’s Mom” wouldn’t exist.

Let’s face it, MILFs. Raising children can be hard. Sure, conceiving children is fun, but raising them and pushing them out through your vagina…not so much. How do I know this? Because I was once a child that would cause my mother lots of grief.

I would cry over spilled milk. I would sob when I pooped in my pants. I would weep when I wet my bed. I shed tears when I stepped on a Lego piece. I would wail and call out for my mommy when the big girls in school would push me around.

I was a wuss and I’m probably still one, proving right the message I once received from a fortune cookie. It said, “You are what you come out of,” and I came out of a pussy.

Growing up, I was not only a wuss, I was also a curious child trying things that caused my mom stress, like attempt to dunk a basketball using a mini exercise trampoline, play catch with a prickly pear fruit, and undress my sister’s Barbie dolls.

My youthful curiosity also caused me to ask way too many questions, which was also something that probably irked my mom because she might’ve not known the answer or how to answer the question without corrupting my innocent young mind. Questions like: Why can’t I have ice cream for breakfast? What does “shit” mean? Why does Mr. T always pity the fool? What does beer taste like? How can Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble have such hot wives? Why is the horse trying to ride the other horse?

Back then, to relieve the stress that I was giving her, I think the only options she had was to soak herself in Calgon or cry on my dad’s shoulder. Today, MILFs have more options to relieve stress, like the new Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy Eucalyptus Spearmint Body Wash.

I picked up this particular Bath & Body Works body wash because I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one. I’d list all 99 problems, but listing all of them would give me one more problem to worry about and I don’t want 100 problems, but I’ll just say that I need to find out what came first, the chicken or the egg and I REALLY need to get out of my head the same continuous loop of wailing that’s in the House of Pain song “Jump Around.”

According to the bottle, in order to help me relieve stress and temporarily forget my problems, the Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy Eucalyptus Spearmint Body Wash contains:

The fresh essence of pure Australian Eucalyptus oil is greatly valued for its clarifying and relaxing effects. It is blended here with a complementary balance of American Spearmint essence, renowned for its calmative powers.

The bottle goes on to say:

Feel stress fade away as you lather this relaxing skin cleanser and let its calming blend of eucalyptus and spearmint essential oils comfort your soul and soften your skin.

So did it help me relieve stress and forget my problems?

The Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy Eucalyptus Spearmint Body Wash’s clean, menthol-ish smell was kind of weird and kind of nice as I lathered it all over my wet, naked and dirty body. I guess its scent was a little soothing, but not strong enough to relieve my stress.

Also, since almost everyone rinses off in the shower once completely lathered, which takes about a minute or two, they won’t be able to appreciate its aroma for a very long time. I don’t think there are many people who stand in a shower all lathered up for extended periods of time, except shower singers and masturbators.

Yes MILFs, it’s stressful raising a sperm and egg and turning them into a contributing member of society. There are lots of ups and downs along the way, but as long as they stay out of prison and your house after they graduate, it will be all worth it.

Item: Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy Eucalyptus Spearmint Body Wash
Price: $13.00 (10 ounces)
Purchased at: Bath & Body Works
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Gets me clean. It’s scent was a little soothing, but was kind of weird smelling at the same time. Some green tea to help cleanse and soothe the skin. Finished product was not tested on animals.
Cons: Really pricey for a body wash. Clean menthol-ish scent was kind of weird. Can’t appreciate aroma for a very long in the shower unless you’re a shower singer or masturbator. The world without the Fountains of Wayne song “Stacy’s Mom.” Your children ending up prison. My 99 problems.