Full Throttle Frozen Fury Slurpee

Like all drugs, caffeine has side effects.

For myself, the only side effects I get from caffeine are temporary high blood pressure, stomach aches, and the urge to run down the street yelling random things about indie bands like, “Listening to Belle & Sebastian does not make me a pussy!”

Caffeine’s side effects are much less harsh than other legal drugs. I don’t think you can get any of the following side effects from caffeine: 4-hour erections, mood swings, irregular periods, dry mouth, diarrhea, sleepiness, nausea, unnatural happiness, premature ejaculation, headaches, weight gain, weight loss, loss of libido, loss of hair, growth of hair in unusual places, erectile dysfunction, insomnia, loss of appetite, dry skin, shortness of breath, and laughing while watching According to Jim.

The majority of my caffeine intake comes in the form of energy drinks and the majority of my sugar intake comes in the form of Slurpees, so I was happy to hear about the new Full Throttle Frozen Fury Slurpee, which takes two of my favorite things I like to stick in my mouth — energy drinks and Slurpees — and puts them together in a slushy form that looks refreshingly fun in the hands of a 12-year-old, but embarrassingly creepy and sad in the hands of a single 31-year-old male.

Of course, with it being a combination of energy drink and Slurpee, its main appeal are the energy ingredients found in it. As common as product shout outs in rap lyrics, the energy ingredients found in the Full Throttle Frozen Fury Slurpee are the same ones in most energy drink, like caffeine, taurine, carnitine, ginseng, guarana, and sugar.

The 40-ounce cup I had contained 99 milligrams of caffeine, 19.7 milligrams of niacinamide, 1,659 milligrams of taurine, 40 milligrams of carnitine, 246 milligrams of ginseng extract, and 1.9 milligrams of guarana extract, which is roughly the same amounts as single servings of most energy drinks. It also contained 307 calories, 79 grams of carbs, and 79 grams of sugar.

Of course, the smaller the Slurpee cup you get, the less energy and chances of diabetes you’ll receive.

The Full Throttle Frozen Fury Slurpee had a sweet citrus taste with a hint of tropical fruit flavor. It wasn’t the best tasting Slurpee I’ve had, but it’s one the best tasting energy products I’ve had.

Although, it was really disappointing that despite drinking all 40 ounces of the energy-infused Slurpee, it didn’t kick my ass into gear like most energy drinks and Taebo tapes do. I did feel a boost of energy, but nothing like the ones I get from drinking regular energy drinks.

This disappointed me because I really felt like running though my office yelling, “Listening to Dashboard Confessional does not make me bitter or sad!”

Item: Full Throttle Frozen Fury Slurpee
Price: $1.49 (40 ounces)
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Sweet citrus taste with a hint of tropical fruit flavor. One of the best tasting energy products I’ve had. Full of the same energy ingredients found in most energy drinks. Slight boost of energy. 4-hour erections at home.
Cons: Not enough energy to kick my ass into gear. Not the best Slurpee I’ve had. Only the 40-ounce cup has amounts of energy equal to most energy drinks. Lots of sugar. The caffeine side effect involving me yelling random things about indie bands like, “All Mates of State songs sound exactly like each other!” 4-hour erections at work.

15 thoughts on “Full Throttle Frozen Fury Slurpee

  1. I think if they doubled the caffeine it might be better. Less than 100 mg for a drink this size is about the same level of caffeine as in a diet soda, ounce for ounce. Maybe that’s why you didn’t get the energy drink “time to kick some ass” effect. It’s possible they intentionally limited the caffeine slightly due to kids being the primary market for this product, I dunno.

  2. SEVENTY-NINE grams of sugar? Holy crap.. might as well eat 3 or 4 candy bars.. probably get the same sugar buzz, if not the caffeine.

  3. we don’t have 7-11s in our area….

    instead we have Sheetz, which is our version of 7-11. and if you knew of the magnificence of its Made to Order menu, you would just die, marvo. It’s the best!

  4. There are also Vault Icees. I know this because my daughter won several of them this weekend while we were at the lake. She is a hula-hooping virtuoso and tends to clean up in the beach contests. It didn’t seem to give her any extra energy, though.

    Now that I know she’s a ringer, I plan to sneak in little airline bottles of liquor and have her bring me back her winnings to make pseudo margaritas and daiquiris.

  5. I haven’t had a slurpee in such a long time, I have very low tolerance for brain freeze….. That does look so good though.

  6. It probably doesn’t give you much of a buzz b/c the Slurpees (IMO) are so watered down. But I’ll be damned if I don’t love a good watermelon/strawberry Slurpee.

    Webmiztris, that’s a funny name for a convenience store. When I went to Iowa, I discovered that they have little markets called “Kum and Go.” I giggle every time I think of it.

  7. Listening to Belle and Sebastian does make you sort of dorky, if not a pussy. I say this because I listen to them, too, and can feel my dork level going up every time I do so.

  8. Stick with the caffeine and not any of those fashionable drugs because I’d hate for you to have a 4 hour erections that leads to premature ejaculation and irregular periods.

  9. I tried that full throttle slurpee last week, hoping for a boost of energy, but I accidentally fell asleep for 3 hours when I had work to do. Needless to say, I will not be relying on those for energy anymore.

  10. Chuck – Even 99 milligrams of caffeine in a kid is kind of scary. With that kind of energy in a kid, I would want child leash.

    mia – My gut is feeling those 79 grams of sugar. I’m beginning to feel like a glazed donut.

    webmiztris – Wait…Is that pronounced Sheetz as in the stuff you put on your bed or Sheetz as in the stuff we poop out?

    Wednesday – Vault Icees? That sounds good. I wonder what’s the caffeine content in those. As for the little airline bottle of liquor, I like to call them Barbie Bottles of Booze.

    Barb – Sucking slowly helps with brain freeze and lollipops.

    Sep – I kind of think it will help with headaches caused by dehydration and caffeine withdrawals, making up for the brain freeze.

    Brie – “Kum and Go”? Oh, soooo many things I could say.

    Melanie – I only listen to indie bands to make me cool, but you’re saying it’s doing the opposite. Damn! 🙂

    ultradave – …and have an orangy tongue.

    Clevegal42 – Yeah, I totally HATE those irregular periods because it makes me wonder if I’m pregnant or something.

    Elecid – I think a better way to get perked up with the Full Throttle Frozen Fury is to pour it down your shirt. If that doesn’t wake you up, I don’t know what will.

  11. a. listening to Belle & Sebastian for scene cred is oddly hot in a pathetic sort of way. as is my ignoring the grammatical rule of capitalization, which i don’t usually do. what the hell is going on? am i caught in a hipster vortex?

    B (there, that’s better). I’ve never laughed at According to Jim, no drug would ever make that possible. But one time, after several cups of coffee and cans of Mt. Dew (all nighter. procrastination. final exam.) I started laughing hysterically at Lifetime Original Movie marathon…

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