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Kona Deep Water
By Marvo | May 16, 2007
I think Kona Deep Water has the same name as a porn I’ve either owned, watched, rented, or downloaded via BitTorrent.
Just to make sure, I’m going to see if I have it in my walk-in porn closet. I knew alphabetizing my collection would come in handy one day.
Oh wait, no pun intended.
So let’s see now. 2 Deep, 2 Deep 2, Ass Deep, Ass Deep 2, Balls Deep, Balls Deep 2, Balls Deep 3, Balls Deep 4, Balls Deep 5, Balls Deep 6, Balls Deep 7, Balls Deep in the Orient, Best of Deep Throat, Big Deep Throat Girls, Deep Anal, Deep and Wet, Deep Black Ass, Deep Black Ass 2, Deep Cheeks, Deep Cheeks 2, Deep Cheeks 3, Deep Chill, Deep Crack College (got this one via a buy four get one free sale), Deep Dark Sex Secrets, Deep Desire, Deep Desires, Deep Dildos, Deep Dippin Anal Babes, Deep Dish Booty Pie, Deep Dripping Cream Pies, Deep Face, Deep Heat, Deep In Cream, Deep In Cream 8…Next shelf.
Deep in the Booty, Deep in the Chunk, Deep in the Hole, Deep in the Muff, Deep in the Trunk, Deep in the Woods, Deep Indulgence, Deep Inside, Deep Inside Again, Deep Inside Asia Carrera (best pornstar ever), Deep Inside Dirty Debutantes 1, Deep Inside Dirty Debutantes 10, Deep Inside Dirty Debutantes 14, Deep Inside Dirty Debutantes 15 (dirtiest in the series), Deep Inside Dirty Debutantes 32, Deep Inside Dirty Debutantes 37 (best in the series), Deep Inside Dirty Debutantes 38, Deep Inside Dirty Debutantes 40, Deep Inside Granny…Next shelf.
Deep Inside Him (WTF is that doing here?), Deep Inside Jenna, Deep Into Tight Blonde Bottoms, Deep on the Dick, Deep Oral Ladies, Deep Oral Teens, Deep Penetration, Deep Pink, Deep Plunge, Deep Rub, Deep Throat (classic), Deep Throat 3, Deep Throat 4, Deep Throat Anal, Deep Throat Fantasies, Deep Throat Girls, Deep Throat Grannie, Deep Throat Pros, Deep Throat Sluts, Deep Throat This, Deep Throat This 20, Deep Throat This 35…Next shelf.
Deep Throatin’ Black Freaks, Deep Trouble, Deep Throat Virgins (sadly, all the actresses in it seemed to be quite adept at deep throating), Deep Tush, Down Deep, Fast Times at Deep Crack High 2, Fast Times at Deep Crack High 3, Fast Times at Deep Crack High 4 (got it via a buy two Fast Times at Deep Crack High DVDs and get one free), Goin’ Deep, Hard and Deep, Hittin’ It Deep, Never So Deep, Newcummers N 2 Deep, She Takes It Deep, Skin Deep, Stick It In Deep and Watch Her Weep, Supa Deep, We Go Deep, We Go Deep 2, and We Go Deep 3.
Nope, no Kona Deep. I guess I was either mistaken or I truly haven’t watched all the porn in the world.
Oh, I wonder if it’s in my VHS tape porn collection in storage?
Anyway, the Kona Deep Water come from the Kona Coast, the same place as the previously TIB reviewed Koyo Deep Sea Water. Deep sea water is popular in Japan due to the water being rich in electrolytes and nutrients, which probably won’t make a difference if you drink it once in awhile. At $1.99 a bottle, it’s a water that most people can only afford to drink once in awhile.
According to the bottle, the source of Kona Deep is pumped in from a depth of 3,000 feet and it is, “the pristine, ice-cold water from glaciers off the coast of Greenland that sand deep into the ocean thousands of years ago, settling into an undersea current known as the Global Conveyor Belt. This ancient, deep seawater slowly and continuously journeys the world from the North Atlantic to the remote Hawaiian Archipelago.”
If you’ve had bottled water in your life, you’ve probably tasting something close to what Kona Deep water tastes like. Just like how non-Asians think all Asian look alike, I really can’t tell any significant differences between bottled spring water and bottled deep sea water. It doesn’t even have a salty taste. They taste pretty much the same, although I will admit the deep sea water does go down a little smoother. Although, I really don’t mind if the water I drink goes down a little hard.
Speaking of going down hard, my walk-in porn closet seems to be missing my DVD of Going Down Hard.
Item: Kona Deep Water
Price: $1.99 (16.9 ounces)
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Tastes like filtered bottled water but smoother. Rich in electrolytes and nutrients. Zero calories. Zero fat. Not salty. Deep Throat is a classic. My walk-in porn closet.
Cons: It’s not a porn title. Can’t notice a significant difference between regular bottled water and deep sea water. More expensive than Evian. 3000 feet is deep. 3000 inches is also deep. Hiding my walk-in porn closet.
Topics: 3 Rating, Beverage, Water |
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Jack in the Box Kona Coffee Shake
Koyo Ma Ha Lo Deep Sea Water
Wrigley’s Doublemint Kona Creme Gum
Lunchables Maxed Out Pepperoni Pizza
NEWS: Water The Way Nature Intended It, If Nature Was A Multi-Million Dollar Water Filtering Company
May 16th, 2007 at 1:46 am
What, no Deep Throat 2 in your closet? How can you expect us to consider you a serious collector now?
May 16th, 2007 at 2:46 am
The only Kona in my heart is Pepsi Kona.
Everyone else is just an wannabe.
May 16th, 2007 at 4:34 am
“Stick It In Deep and Watch Her Weep”….lmao!
May 16th, 2007 at 4:59 am
The word ‘deep’ appeared 114 times in this entire review. That is all.
May 16th, 2007 at 5:38 am
Mid way through, I completly lost all understanding of the word ‘deep’. I had to stop and try to remember what the word meant!
May 16th, 2007 at 5:47 am
a walk-in porn closet.
damn.
i envy.
May 16th, 2007 at 8:56 am
eww. This got gross after about the 50th porn title. Before that, it was hilarious.
May 16th, 2007 at 10:55 am
How come you didn’t get the entire series for some of your porn series?
May 16th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Marvo, I’m starting to get a better idea of why you have such trouble with the ladies - you obviously spend too much time watching tv and organizing your closet.
May 16th, 2007 at 2:39 pm
Awwww, Deep in the Chunk.
*sigh* Memories….
May 16th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Is there anything more disturbing than granny porn?
May 16th, 2007 at 9:27 pm
Chuck - I had it in VHS format, but the VCR ate it one day when I placed the tape deep inside it.
Lord Jezo - The caffeine from that is still deep inside you?
webmiztris - I think I would be deeply satisfied with being a porn title creator.
Peachy - Deep. Deep. Deep. Are you going to count the comments too?
Melanie Marie - I guess you were deep in thought when you were deep in the list, causing you to forget.
Tamara - It’s pretty deep and tall.
majandra - I can’t believe that there are so many porn titles with the word deep in it. To some it might be deeply disturbing.
Sep - Probably because I deeply despised a particular actress because she didn’t make me FEEL the porn, she just showed it to me.
Clevegal42 - If you dig deep into my personality, you will find that I have wonderful organization skills, which allows me to find things quickly.
Natalia - Every time I see that movie, images of Rosie in Exit to Eden pop up from deep within my subconscious mind.
ultradave - Grampa porn I would think is deeply disturbing.
May 17th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Are those all real? Damn. Stick it In Deep and Make Her Weep. LOL! Great review.
You should review some rich bitch sparkling waters, like Perrier or San Pellegrino or something.
May 18th, 2007 at 5:39 am
out of all your reviews this one is just distasteful. Not funny.
May 18th, 2007 at 6:51 am
Danette - I’ll “Stick It In Deep & Break It Off”
May 18th, 2007 at 7:03 am
Hunter - 98 percent of them are real titles. I really think that porn title writers need a thesaurus, because there’s several other words they could probably use other than “deep.”
Danette - I will admit that this review was a little more crass than usual and humor is subjective so there are probably others who didn’t like it, like my mom. I’m sorry you didn’t find it funny.
Walter - That’s a porn title. Sounds painful for the dude.
May 18th, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Hi there.
I’m a TIB newbie… I just found your site today and I’ve been enjoying your archives immensely. Oddly enough, I found your site by googling “Veet Rasera reviews”… but we won’t go there right now.
Anyway, I think you might be one of the funniest people on the planet. And perhaps on Mars, but some of those aliens are HIGH-larious. Stiff competition.
Heheheh. I said “stiff”
Your totally mature, smooth legged new fan,
Jen
May 19th, 2007 at 6:56 pm
Jen - Thanks to that review, I believe my hairy legs are the most famous hairy legs on the internets. Thanks for the kind words!
May 22nd, 2007 at 11:41 am
Um, perhaps you should check the “K” (for Kona) shelf?
May 22nd, 2007 at 8:06 pm
TC - You would think it would be inbetween Hittin’ It Deep and Never So Deep, but it wasn’t.