IceBreakers Ice Cubes

I am a bit wary of buying things that I haven’t seen any advertising for. I tend to feel that the product has something to hide. I don’t know if it’s a nasty side effect, a lack of extreme attitude, or a criminal record, but I am always a bit hesitant. Generally, I never know if I should buy something unless a kid is skateboarding with it or a hot chick is deepthroating it in an ad. These are the things that I think about as I go shopping.

I made an exception with the IceBreakers Ice Cubes because of its novelty factor. This isn’t IceBreakers’s first foray into the world of gimmicky products, so they should know what they’re doing. Anyone remember Liquid Ice and how stupid those commercials with the Duff sisters made you feel? Now that they’re out of the equation, no longer will you question whether it’s liquid, it’s ice, or if anyone gives a damn about your inane queries. It’s all been settled, and ice has apparently won the battle.

IceBreakers Ice Cubes also appealed to me because breaking the ice in a social situation has never really been my cup of tea. This is a big problem in all of the facets of my life. Take philosophy class for example: “According to the rules of Fight Club, isn’t this sentence paradoxical?”

Or pickup basketball games: “Dude, can’t you toss it in? Your balls keep dangling around the rim!”

And especially first dates: “I’ll be honest, one of my guilty pleasures is getting naked in front of a mirror and loudly singing the Pokemon theme song as I gyrate and let ’em bounce around.”

So I was hoping that these particular IceBreakers would break the streak of bad ones. As I opened the small box, I was immediately hit with the headache-inducing fragrance of fake mint and xylitol. It was not a promising start.

Xylitol is apparently an alternative to sugar that’s supposed to have a natural cooling effect on your tongue. It can also cause nausea and act as a laxative in high enough doses, but the same could be said about almost anything I eat. I’m not going to hold that against it. However, I can’t excuse the fact that it’s a pretty horrible sugar substitute.

Like all of my other icebreakers, these particular cubes failed rather miserably in providing any type of freshness. Not only are they sickeningly sweet, but they have a grainy and unpleasant texture to start. Any cooling effect you’re supposed to get is completely masked. Worst of all, I didn’t even win the damn Singtone contest that I had banked my future on. How will I survive college if people can’t hear my rendition of Pat Benatar’s “Love is a Battlefield” every time my phone rings?

Overall, the only thing these cubes have going for them is their convenient shape. Now I can see why there are not seen suggestively licked on billboards. If you are the type of person who enjoys munching on sugar cubes and would like to replicate the experience in gum form, then this is the treat for you. For everyone else, the money spent purchasing these supposed “ice cubes” would be better served going towards some real ice cubes and crushed mint.

Admittedly, that would only lead you to heavy drinking after you figure out that you’re halfway towards a mojito, but I can hardly be blamed for your alcoholism.

Item: Icebreakers Ice Cubes
Price: 79 cents
Purchased at: Circle K
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Extremely convenient shape and packaging. Decent enough after initial grainy stage of chew. Possibility of winning a Singtone. The original Pokemon theme song.
Cons: My icebreakers. Way too sweet and grainy. High possibility of not winning a Singtone and the ensuing disappointment. Letting creation of your own mint ice cubes lead you down path of alcoholism.

21 thoughts to “IceBreakers Ice Cubes”

  1. You can probably record your own ringtone and put it on your phone. That way you can sing all your favorites. I’m pretty sure those ringtones would disperse people quickly, like a fart would. 🙂

  2. As I recall, xylitol was a baby laxative that one of my more enterprising pals cut (adulterated) cocaine with and sold the reduced-strength product to his peers back in the day.

    not really what I’m looking for in a gum or snack product of any kind.

  3. There were commercials for IceBreakers Cubes featuring Hayley and Hillary Duff a year or so ago. I don’t know if you would consider them hot chicks or not. There may or may not have been some deep throating going on, I don’t know. I just remember thinking how neither one of them could act. I’m a little disturbed that I remember the commercial at all.

  4. Don’t beat yourself up. I once had a date that used the ice breaker “I like to gyrate naked in front of a mirror singing the Barney theme song while I watch them bounce around.”

    So glad you aren’t THAT freak.

  5. Xylitol makes my heart freak out. It’s like having three cups of coffee. How if I could just get some raw Xylittol, cut if up and sprinkle it up and put it on my penis…bam! Cheap Viagra.

  6. Xylitol makes my heart freak out. It’s like having three cups of coffee. Now if I could just get some raw Xylitol, cut if up and sprinkle it on my penis…bam! Cheap Viagra.

  7. it seems that theres a special moment in eveyones life, that any gum is better than what u were just eating or licking and can quickly change the taste in ur mouth from the back seat of ur dads car?

  8. Marvo – Speak for your own farts, Marvo. Mine are as charming as Hugh Grant.

    Alyssa – It’s odd tasting because it misses the refreshing nature of mint, the sole reason they have snuck mint in everything from toothpaste to chocolate.

    recalling the 80’s – I knew someone was cutting my shit!

    MCW – I was not aware of these commercials and perhaps that was for the best. Everyone knows Miranda from Lizzie Mcguire was the hot one. Yes, I’m ashamed for myself as well.

    nicole – Thank you. Marvo also wants you to know that he has a large penis, but I told him that I wasn’t sure if it was relevant to the compliment.

    Clevegal42 – Ugh, how disgusting! I could never hang with that guy.

    Webmiztris – Is it anything like that Zebra gum that’s awesome for about 1.5 seconds but leaves you disappointed and frustrated? Because those were amazing.

    Griffin73 – You must tell me if that works.

    db cooper – Yes. Yes there is.

  9. just saw a t.v ad for this gum last night. So I guess it no longer has anything to hide. Sleep peacefully.

  10. Frank – My review actually prompted marketing to get to business. I’m kind of a big deal.

    Aimee – It took me 10 years to erase Brotherly Love from my memory, but now I’m once again haunted.

  11. I would totally buy these and then possibly consume them… but only because I like things that are square… square is the new cool.

  12. I would totally buy these and then possibly consume them… but only because I like things that are square (and or cubed)… square is the new cool.

  13. here in japan, xylitol is a type of gum. haha.
    i wonder if it has a higher amount of xylitol in it? i’ve never really tried it before, but i suppose i will.
    i’ve never tried those ice breakers either.
    gum supposedly makes your breath smell worse than it did before, but i think that’s only if you have a foul smell in your mouth already. Gum is not the same thing as a mint.

  14. Webmiztres I agree completely. If you bought the mint flavored ones you went WAY wrong. Go for the dragonfruit. They aren’t quite as sweet. Still grainy but you definitely get the cooling sensation. Actually, the grainy-ness is necessary for the cooling sensation to take effect. When you break the little beads you get a cool effect in your mouth. And in the 90 degree 100% humidity days in PA anything I can do to cool down is welcome!

  15. i think it is excellent gum. the cube shape for some reason makes it “cool” to chew. the dragonfruit is the best one

Comments are closed.