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Caramel Doritos Sweets
By Marvo | August 26, 2007
Whenever I purchase or receive a product that on the outside seems like it’s going to make me cringe, like finding an Adam’s apple on a blind date I met through Craigslist, I try to prepare for it the best I can. After receiving the Caramel Doritos Sweets from Japan, I went into full preparation mode, getting all my senses ready for what I felt was going to be gag worthy. It’s the same thing I did before trying the Pepsi Cucumber Ice.
To prepare my sense of touch, I plunged both arms into a bucket of ice. To get my sight ready, I stared at Tara Reid bikini pictures, which if you see them, you will know that it is 100 percent less sexy than it sounds.
To prepare my hearing, I listened to my poor attempts at becoming a turntablist during my high school years, scratching the 45 RPM record single for Crowded House’s “Don’t Dream It’s Over.”
Don’t…chicka…chicka…chick…Don’t dream it’s over.
I prepared my sense of smell by making a three-bean chili, giving it all to a hungry homeless dude, and standing downwind from him. To prepare the sense of taste, I punished my tongue with a whip that came with the non-sanctioned Ken & Barbie Malibu After Dark S&M set with real leather that I bought in the Mature Audiences section of eBay.
While lashing my tongue with the small whip, I wondered if Japanese companies use things like prototypes, focus groups, or common sense when coming up with new food products. They have a tendency to make items that seem like something consumers don’t want, like breaded meat without the meat in bar form.
After my senses were prepared for the Caramel Doritos Sweets, I slowly opened the bag and a slightly sickly sweet aroma billowed out of it. “That smell is not a good sign,” I thought to myself as I peered into the packaging.
The Doritos inside didn’t look like the triangle-shaped Doritos that most people know and love. Instead they looked like small screw bits, which is appropriate, since this flavor seems like Frito-Lay Japan is screwing with us.
With all the preparation I did, I was ready for its taste to be unsurprisingly horrible, just like going ass-to-mouth, but it ended up tasting like slightly sweetened Fritos corn chips. The combination of sweet and salty was good with this crunchy snack, but I didn’t think its flavor was caramel-ish, it seemed more pancake syrup-ish.
Preparing my senses for a possibly bad tasting product was unnecessary this time. I got lucky with the Caramel Doritos Sweets, which is a tasty original product. I wish I could say the same for my Craigslist blind dates. Maybe I should stop looking in the Misc Romance section.
(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Melbatoast for sending me a bag of Caramel Doritos Sweets from Japan. If she ever wants a Wendy’s Baconator, I’ll be glad to send it to her, although it probably won’t be edible by the time she gets it.)
Item: Caramel Doritos Sweets
Price: FREE
Purchased at: Received from reader Melbatoast
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Surprisingly good. Good combination of sweet and salty. Mature audiences section of eBay. Only available in Japan. Crowded House’s “Don’t Dream It’s Over.”
Cons: Smells sickly sweet. Not caramel-ish. My turntablist skillz. Tara Reid in a bikini. Adam’s apples on blind dates.
Topics: 3 Rating, Chips, Food, Japan, Snacks |
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August 27th, 2007 at 2:03 am
Man, what is up with Tara Reid’s boobs? Talk about unbalanced. Maybe her plastic surgeon just has a weird sense of humor.
August 27th, 2007 at 6:37 am
Chuck, I think they are call Frankentits.
August 27th, 2007 at 7:11 am
[...] Impulsive Buy reviews Caramel Doritos Sweets, which he got from [...]
August 27th, 2007 at 11:25 am
You oughtta give Cinnamon Sun Chips a try…I have been having a love affair with them on a daily basis for the past week. (Not as messy as it sounds)
August 27th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
OK OK - so Tara Reid doesnt look hot anymore, but let’s be honest… if she actually show up to your house with a bag of Doritos Sweets and asked you for some ‘quality time’, I don’t think you’ll pass up the offer. (ok so you might take the doritos and slam the door on her) but I would certainly wouldn’t pass up the offer to um.. spend quality time with her. hahaha.. yeah im probably the only brave one to admit that… lol
August 27th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
well they have to be better than the “fried chicken skin” snacks i heard about. That just makes me shudder!
If you ever want to sell Malibu after Dark S&M Ken and Barbie, they shure would look nice sitting next to my Trailer Trash Barbie outside the little airstream I have for her!
August 27th, 2007 at 8:49 pm
Chuck - Or maybe one boob is trying to escape from her.
luckinflux - Frankentits…You should trademark that!
Rob - I’ve eaten a few bags of those over the past month. I like them. It’s like eating a churro.
George02 - If by “quality time” you mean cuddling and having deep conversations about life, love, and then pursuit of happiness, then yes, I would want to, as long as she’s not in a bikini.
bikerbabeee - Oooh, is Trailer Trash Barbie pregnant and does it look like Britney Spears?
August 28th, 2007 at 4:19 am
Ha! Damn funny Marvo!
Though I haven’t seen these here yet. Will keep my eyes open.
Focus groups? Probably young Japanese kids, and if you had any idea how F*ed up they are it might go a long way to explaining Japan’s deluge of bizarre items.
August 28th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Speaking of blind dates [do I KNOW how to seq way]…remember that post where you were signing up for a dating site and we got to vote on which one you should join. Yeah that. Shouldn’t we be getting a funny Marvo-on-dating-sites review? Or something. I want my votes worth!
August 28th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
This site is lame. They keep giving bad reviews to awesome products. (NOTE: I meant to say that on the Cereal Straws review but comments were closed)
As for this review, those things you did to prepare yourself for eating DORITOS were just stupid. I hope you didn’t actually do that over a food product.
August 28th, 2007 at 7:31 pm
this is crazy choco doritos, who is tara reid. what about white house barbie, karl rove’s contibine child bride.
August 28th, 2007 at 7:35 pm
hey i just goggle tara reid i wana sock that dirty ho!
August 28th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
blender - I’m afraid of what they’ll come up with next, but sadly, I will want to try it.
Erika - Believe it or not, my six month subscription isn’t up yet. You and everyone who voted will get a review.
dsgfgdfgdfg - Yes it is.
db cooper - If Tara Reid does jumping jacks she could probably knock herself out with her fake boobs.
August 29th, 2007 at 5:06 am
i’m sure they’re edible, but I’d still pass on them. the only sweet and salty thing I like are chocolate-covered pretzels.
and I looked at the Tara Reid pics and now I’m skeered!!!
August 29th, 2007 at 9:45 am
There is something terribly wrong with Tara Reid. Maybe they should cover her in caramel and send her to Japan. That would be an improvement.
August 29th, 2007 at 10:27 am
These sound good in the way I find maple syrup on my scrambled eggs good. As in, only in small amounts and not in front of people I’m trying to impress.
August 29th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
see, i thought those sounded REEEEEALLY good the second i saw the bag. i think it’s a girl thing…we crave salty/sweet snacks about once a month…
August 29th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
Webmiztris - and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
Mia - Oh, I’m sure she’s going to do a Japanese commercial that involves that.
miss mle - Actually, I kind of like it when my syrup slightly mixes with my eggs too.
miss petite america - My female co-worker was also digging them because of the sweet and salty. I wish I was sweet and salty so that more women would like me.
August 29th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Marvo, Marvo, Marvo…
You never go ass to mouth. Everyone knows that.
August 29th, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Aimee - Pornstars do it all the time…but I believe they do get paid more for that.
August 31st, 2007 at 2:37 am
Ass to mouth. Nice one.
September 2nd, 2007 at 12:53 am
Domokun - Not nice for that person’s mouth.
September 3rd, 2007 at 1:43 am
I commend you for trying these, I got all freaked out by the thought of it, caramel doritos sound vomit worthy and I really hate to do that so.. maybe the pancake syrupness of it was the save all..
September 3rd, 2007 at 10:04 pm
MsRebecca - Actually, I deserve a medal for trying them…or at least a paper certificate made using a template from Microsoft Word.