REVIEW: Caramel Doritos Sweets

Whenever I purchase or receive a product that on the outside seems like it’s going to make me cringe, like finding an Adam’s apple on a blind date I met through Craigslist, I try to prepare for it the best I can. After receiving the Caramel Doritos Sweets from Japan, I went into full preparation mode, getting all my senses ready for what I felt was going to be gag worthy. It’s the same thing I did before trying the Pepsi Cucumber Ice.

To prepare my sense of touch, I plunged both arms into a bucket of ice. To get my sight ready, I stared at Tara Reid bikini pictures, which if you see them, you will know that it is 100 percent less sexy than it sounds.

To prepare my hearing, I listened to my poor attempts at becoming a turntablist during my high school years, scratching the 45 RPM record single for Crowded House’s “Don’t Dream It’s Over.”

Don’t…chicka…chicka…chick…Don’t dream it’s over.

I prepared my sense of smell by making a three-bean chili, giving it all to a hungry homeless dude, and standing downwind from him. To prepare the sense of taste, I punished my tongue with a whip that came with the non-sanctioned Ken & Barbie Malibu After Dark S&M set with real leather that I bought in the Mature Audiences section of eBay.

While lashing my tongue with the small whip, I wondered if Japanese companies use things like prototypes, focus groups, or common sense when coming up with new food products. They have a tendency to make items that seem like something consumers don’t want, like breaded meat without the meat in bar form.

After my senses were prepared for the Caramel Doritos Sweets, I slowly opened the bag and a slightly sickly sweet aroma billowed out of it. “That smell is not a good sign,” I thought to myself as I peered into the packaging.

The Doritos inside didn’t look like the triangle-shaped Doritos that most people know and love. Instead they looked like small screw bits, which is appropriate, since this flavor seems like Frito-Lay Japan is screwing with us.

With all the preparation I did, I was ready for its taste to be unsurprisingly horrible, just like going ass-to-mouth, but it ended up tasting like slightly sweetened Fritos corn chips. The combination of sweet and salty was good with this crunchy snack, but I didn’t think its flavor was caramel-ish, it seemed more pancake syrup-ish.

Preparing my senses for a possibly bad tasting product was unnecessary this time. I got lucky with the Caramel Doritos Sweets, which is a tasty original product. I wish I could say the same for my Craigslist blind dates. Maybe I should stop looking in the Misc Romance section.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Melbatoast for sending me a bag of Caramel Doritos Sweets from Japan. If she ever wants a Wendy’s Baconator, I’ll be glad to send it to her, although it probably won’t be edible by the time she gets it.)

Item: Caramel Doritos Sweets
Price: FREE
Purchased at: Received from reader Melbatoast
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Surprisingly good. Good combination of sweet and salty. Mature audiences section of eBay. Only available in Japan. Crowded House’s “Don’t Dream It’s Over.”
Cons: Smells sickly sweet. Not caramel-ish. My turntablist skillz. Tara Reid in a bikini. Adam’s apples on blind dates.

24 thoughts on “REVIEW: Caramel Doritos Sweets

  1. You oughtta give Cinnamon Sun Chips a try…I have been having a love affair with them on a daily basis for the past week. (Not as messy as it sounds)

  2. OK OK – so Tara Reid doesnt look hot anymore, but let’s be honest… if she actually show up to your house with a bag of Doritos Sweets and asked you for some ‘quality time’, I don’t think you’ll pass up the offer. (ok so you might take the doritos and slam the door on her) but I would certainly wouldn’t pass up the offer to um.. spend quality time with her. hahaha.. yeah im probably the only brave one to admit that… lol

  3. well they have to be better than the “fried chicken skin” snacks i heard about. That just makes me shudder!
    If you ever want to sell Malibu after Dark S&M Ken and Barbie, they shure would look nice sitting next to my Trailer Trash Barbie outside the little airstream I have for her!

  4. Chuck – Or maybe one boob is trying to escape from her.

    luckinflux – Frankentits…You should trademark that!

    Rob – I’ve eaten a few bags of those over the past month. I like them. It’s like eating a churro.

    George02 – If by “quality time” you mean cuddling and having deep conversations about life, love, and then pursuit of happiness, then yes, I would want to, as long as she’s not in a bikini.

    bikerbabeee – Oooh, is Trailer Trash Barbie pregnant and does it look like Britney Spears?

  5. Ha! Damn funny Marvo!
    Though I haven’t seen these here yet. Will keep my eyes open.
    Focus groups? Probably young Japanese kids, and if you had any idea how F*ed up they are it might go a long way to explaining Japan’s deluge of bizarre items.

  6. Speaking of blind dates [do I KNOW how to seq way]…remember that post where you were signing up for a dating site and we got to vote on which one you should join. Yeah that. Shouldn’t we be getting a funny Marvo-on-dating-sites review? Or something. I want my votes worth!

  7. This site is lame. They keep giving bad reviews to awesome products. (NOTE: I meant to say that on the Cereal Straws review but comments were closed)

    As for this review, those things you did to prepare yourself for eating DORITOS were just stupid. I hope you didn’t actually do that over a food product.

  8. blender – I’m afraid of what they’ll come up with next, but sadly, I will want to try it.

    Erika – Believe it or not, my six month subscription isn’t up yet. You and everyone who voted will get a review.

    dsgfgdfgdfg – Yes it is.

    db cooper – If Tara Reid does jumping jacks she could probably knock herself out with her fake boobs.

  9. i’m sure they’re edible, but I’d still pass on them. the only sweet and salty thing I like are chocolate-covered pretzels. 🙂 and I looked at the Tara Reid pics and now I’m skeered!!!

  10. There is something terribly wrong with Tara Reid. Maybe they should cover her in caramel and send her to Japan. That would be an improvement.

  11. These sound good in the way I find maple syrup on my scrambled eggs good. As in, only in small amounts and not in front of people I’m trying to impress.

  12. Webmiztris – and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

    Mia – Oh, I’m sure she’s going to do a Japanese commercial that involves that.

    miss mle – Actually, I kind of like it when my syrup slightly mixes with my eggs too.

    miss petite america – My female co-worker was also digging them because of the sweet and salty. I wish I was sweet and salty so that more women would like me.

  13. I commend you for trying these, I got all freaked out by the thought of it, caramel doritos sound vomit worthy and I really hate to do that so.. maybe the pancake syrupness of it was the save all..

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