REVIEW: Trader Joe’s Lobster Ravioli

As we delve deeper into the ball-numbing coldness of winter, I have noticed that my pants fit a bit tighter and my shirts are suddenly more revealing in the nipple region. This is a terrible, terrible development for pretty much every single person on the planet. I can only assume that this is a direct result of my diet and lack of exercise. Like a hibernating bear, I have decided to forgo almost all physical activity and sleep as if my life cycle depended on it. I can’t even be bothered to walk to the liquor store when it’s less than 60 degrees outside.

Because of all of these things, I have recently decided to try to eat healthier by going to places such as Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s. I used to figure that anything organic from these places would be healthy until I checked the nutritional facts on falafels and cream sauces. As it turns out, even the most ethically grown and sold produce can turn me into a fatass. While this is discouraging, it also forces me to put more thought into what I buy.

I scanned the impeccably clean aisles at Trader Joe’s and weaved through the hipsters and nice gay couples, finally stumbling upon the pasta section. I tried my hardest to ignore the plethora of cheeses that seemed to taunt me and instead focused on the intriguing Lobster Ravioli box. I figured that I couldn’t beat $2.99 for lobster, so I gave it a shot. Even if I could find a deal that beat $2.99, I would not dare eat it out of fear that it would be horrifically contaminated.

After riding my new wave of moral supremacy and self-satisfaction home, I took a closer look at the ingredients. What I saw was promising − lobster was the first ingredient in the filling, followed by ricotta cheese. This nearly knocked me to the floor, because almost everything else I eat is made out of high fructose corn syrup and corn oil. I had almost forgotten what food tasted like.

I followed directions and boiled the ravioli until they floated. After boiling, I found that they were still a bit gummy and dense. Plus, as you can see from the picture, I was saddened, but not surprised, at the lack of lobster chunks. You get plenty of lobster flavor, but none of that firm lobster flesh that my friend so unappetizingly referred to as “muscley.”

Luckily, I am a resourceful and clever man who always keeps a frying pan under his pillow. I sautéed it with some imitation butter and garlic and it made the pasta tender and tasty. I then tried it with Trader Joe’s organic pesto and had myself a fine little lunch. As I took the last bite of my methodically rationed portioned, I felt as though I was indeed a superior person who would soon be able to fit into his clothes once again. That would be well worth the $2.99 I paid for the box. Until then, the world will have to be comfortable with my nakedness.

(Nutritional Facts – 1 cup – 260 calories, 4 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 mg of cholesterol, 170 mg sodium, 42 grams of carbs, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 12 grams of protein, 4% Vitamin A, 2% Vitamin C, 8% Calcium, and 10% Iron)

Item: Trader Joe’s Lobster Ravioli
Price: $2.99
Purchased at: Trader Joe’s
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Made with real food like lobster and ricotta cheese. The feeling of superiority I feel when I shop organically. Great price for a lobster product.
Cons: No chunks of lobster to be found inside the ravioli. Ravioli has to be sautéed in order to taste good. Any part of me being more exposed than it has to be. The laziness I feel whenever winter rolls around. My arrogance when I feel superior because I shop organically.

13 thoughts on “REVIEW: Trader Joe’s Lobster Ravioli

  1. I wish we had a Trader Joe’s here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. If we ever do, I’ll cream in my pants…or pour some Trader Joe’s cream down my pants.

  2. Looks pretty good. I’ve had a Trader Joe’s in two places I lived and I do kind of miss it. I also used to load up there when I lived in Wisconsin and went to visit my sister in Chicago. Now I sometimes load up in Albuquerque when I visit my mother, but never more than would fit in a carry on bag.

  3. I am truly a freak: a Mainer who does not like lobster. Blech.

    We don’t have a Trader Joe’s so until then… I am stuck going to Whole Foods or Wild Oats in order to act pretentious and self-absorbed.

    Been shopping there for two months and I am still fat. WTH?

  4. i think i’m going to join alisha in the ‘lobster is friggin overrated’ camp.

    i adore the hell out of trader joe’s ravioli, though i think i’ll pass on the lobster variety, even sans lobster chunks. i’ll have to look into the pesto addition though, that sounds like deliciousness. their wild squash and hazelnut raviolis are absolutely tasty, i bet they’d taste lovely with the pesto. mmm. carbs. this is why i’m a fatass.

    oh and ps- why fear going to the liquor store when it’s cold? you can warm up on the way back! i could make a cutting remark about how hawaii couldn’t possibly be cold, but, i live in southern arizona and thus have no room to be bandying about temperature-type insults. hooray.

  5. we have many trader joes in chicago. the one i go to is small and always packed. i’ve never had anything bad from there. i don’ t shop there much because i always feel so lazy eating all of the delicious premade and packaged food.

    plus i like my produce souped up with chemicals.

  6. Here in my town, there is a Whole Foods directly across the street from a Trader Joe’s. All the yuppies clog the roads and parking lots.

  7. I buy a live lobster, keep it in my bathtub and force feed it ravioli for a month. That way you get the delightful “muscley” texture and the delicious flavor of ravioli.

  8. “I can’t even be bothered to walk to the liquor store when it’s less than 60 degrees outside.”

    Isn’t that what the internet is for?

  9. That looks great! We used to live close to several TJ’s. Alas, we have no Trader Joe’s in our new area. We have only the horribly over-priced Co-Op. I love TJ’s, and look forward to our next pilgrimage.

  10. “…who always keeps a frying pan under his pillow. I sautéed it with some imitation butter and garlic…”

    So how did that garlic pillow taste?

    ZING!

  11. Marvo – It would probably exfoliate your genitals and help save the rainforest; it’s pretty incredible.

    Chuck – That’s a shame, Trader Joe’s has the best pre-packaged meals and I think a bag’s worth would only last me until noon.

    Alisha Smith – I’m sure you were disenchanted with the 200 days of lobster festivals as a child, that must be the only reason you don’t enjoy something as delicious as lobster.

    betsy – Pesto is one of those things that I would think is healthy until I realize that it’s mostly olive oil and parmesan cheese. Oh, fortune does not smile upon me.

    stephanie – I’m pretty sure there’s something brain-numbing about potassium nitrate that keeps me from being freaked out by it and its ilk.

    kevin – All of that smug self-satisfaction has to take a toll on the property value, I’m sure.

    mjpuzzlemom – I am partial to the kung-pao chicken, but that’s probably only because it’s fun to tell people that I’m eating it. I have not seen the mandarin orange chicken yet.

    Karen – That would sound like a great plan if it weren’t for the possibility of having my private area clipped off as I’m enjoying my bubblebath. And if I’ve learned anything from the Simpsons, raising a lobster to peak size costs about 50 times more than the lobster itself.

    Susu – Unfortunately, I have yet to discover any website that deliver 40’s within 30 minutes.

    demondoll – I live next to several Trader Joe’s right now, but I would willingly trade one for a decent all-you-can-eat seafood buffet. You guys wouldn’t happen to live near one of those, would you?

    Cory – I should have suspected that my English teacher reads this website…even in the comfort of my own home, I am haunted.

  12. Hiya there, impulsive shopper. Your reviews crack me up. Thank-you for trying these things so I don’t have to. I, however, adore McBreakfasts from McDonalds. I know they’re absolutly horrid for yourself and I know that they’re wretchedly fattening…but they taste SO good! Nevertheless, I had seen the advert for this burrito and was mildly curious if it was any good. I’m not a huge fan for things slathered in salsa, but I might ask if they can make this for me w/out the salsa.

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