McDonald’s McSkillet Burrito

The fast food apocalypse shall soon be upon thee! Flee now to high ground and thou lives may be spared from obesity and being pillaged and robble, robble, robbled by the evil Hamburgler.

I am not a witch, nor a soothsayer, but in the back cover of my hardbound printing of “Fast Food Nation,” there is a message written in what I first thought was blood, but later found out was ketchup, that said, “When the four burritos of the rising sun meet, the fast food apocalypse shall drown the Earth.”

With the introduction of the McDonald’s McSkillet Burrito, I fear the worst is one step closer to being a reality. Hardee’s unleashed their 920-calorie Country Breakfast Burrito earlier this year. Jack in the Box recently brought into this world their Sirloin Steak & Egg Burrito. If Burger King, brings forth a breakfast burrito, I can only presume the fast food apocalypse will follow.

What would a fast food apocalypse be like?

I imagine kings and clowns will battle for supremacy; big, dumb, purple Grimaces will fall from the sky; Jack in the Box antenna balls will come to life and mess with your radio reception or tell you how shitty of a driver you are; Jared Fogle will weigh 425 pounds again; and zombie Colonel Sanders will roam the Earth, eating human flesh and proclaiming that it tastes like chicken. It may seem like a big bad dream that could only be caused by licking a toad or Amy Winehouse’s skin, but if one more breakfast burrito hits the market, the world is doomed…DOOMED I TELL YOU!!!

The possibly world-ending McDonald’s McSkillet Burrito contains cheddar cheese, jack cheese, American cheese, skillet potatoes, chunks of sausage, bell peppers, onions, scrambled eggs, and salsa all wrapped up in a soft tortilla. All of those ingredients equal a decently hefty burrito that could be a part of a complete non-nutritious breakfast. The salsa pretty much dominates the flavor of the burrito, which of course makes it quite spicy and makes me like it a lot. On a scale of one to ten, with one being pussy mild and ten being the burning sensation caused by unprotected sex with Paris Hilton, I would rate its spiciness a six.

I was hoping that the potatoes were crunchy like their hash browns, but unfortunately they weren’t and didn’t really add anything to the burrito. Another problem I had with the McDonald’s McSkillet Burrito was the fact that there weren’t enough “Mc’s” in its name. I think the McDonald’s McSkillet McBurrito has a nice McRing to it. Finally, as hefty as it was, I wish it were huge like a Chipotle burrito (Warning: slightly annoying flash animation, if you click the link), but then again if it was, the fat and sodium content would probably kill me before the fast food apocalypse could.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 burrito – 610 calories, 36 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 410 milligrams of cholesterol, 1390 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbs, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 27 grams of protein, 20% Vitamin A, 10% Vitamin C, 20% calcium, 25% iron, and -5 minutes of life.)

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to TIB reader Molly for letting me know about the McSkillet Burrito, but if the fast food apocalypse comes, I won’t be glad she did.)

Item: McDonald’s McSkillet Burrito
Price: $3.29 ($2.49 in other places)
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Good and spicy. Heftier than I thought it would be. Nice variety of ingredients. Kings and clowns killing each other.
Cons: Could be a little bit bigger. Not enough “Mc’s” in its name. Trans fat. Potatoes might’ve been better if crunchy. If you’re not into spice, this might not be nice. Fast food apocalypse. Being robble, robble, robbled.

29 thoughts on “McDonald’s McSkillet Burrito

  1. this has nothing to do with your mcburrito (though I have been wanting to try one–I love the burritos at sonic), I just had breakfast from burger king and it was terrible. I ordered a ham omelette sandwich off the dollar menu. judging by the picture and name, thought I was safe–ham, eggs, cheese, bread. right? nope. one bite and I discovered they cover the thing with sugary sweet maple syrup, or a similar substance. It ruined my morning.

  2. Nothing competes with McDonald’s McGriddles, which I enjoy on a biannual basis to keep from taking on Grimace-like proportions. No other fast food restaurant makes decent breakfasts.

  3. Even habaneros don’t compare to the Paris Hilton post nupital burning.

    Breakfast is about the only thing I ever get from McD’s, so I might try this, especially starting next month when I work graveyards and get off at 0600. Nobody else would be open yet.

  4. Paris Hilton makes me think of a shot in the ass to clear up the feeling of having shattered glass in my urethra while pissing flames. That’s the kind of burning she reminds me of.

    It’s just weird to me to see the workers at Mc Donald’s pulling food out of plastic warming trays, tossing them in to cardboard boxes or wrapped in paper and sliding them down ramp for me to consume. Make me feel like they are the Henry Ford of fast food.

  5. This thing looks disturbing. The last time I’ve had McDonalds was sometime in May of 2001 (Oreo Blizzard thing) and I really haven’t missed it since. It is my belief that if I ate McDs now my body would shut down from shock. Yuck.

    You are a brave person for eating this.

  6. Dear Lord! 1390 mg of sodium? Why don’t you just suck on a salt lick, Marvo?

    But damn, it looks kinda good. The egg and the potato are calling me.

  7. Dear Marvo,

    I give you kudos for being able to photograph (let alone eat) something that looks like it came out of the toilet.

    XOXO (but not really because you ATE that thing), Erika

  8. Where I live, in Northern California, the Burger King breakfast burrito already exists. It’s a sad little thing and tastes terrible.

  9. bj – I don’t usually eat breakfast at BK, unless I’m at the airport, which only has a BK, but I do enjoy their Croissanwich with sausage. But I mostly enjoy sausage. That’s probably why like it.

    Karen – I’ve had a McGriddle once in my life. That was before I knew how bad they were for you. I avoid those hard.

    Chuck – If it was possible, they should bottle Paris Hilton’s vagina, so that women can use it like pepper spray.

    luckinflux – I’m waiting for robots to do all that, like they do in car factories.

    Agent Scully – Brave, you say? The men and women who fight for my country are brave, I’m just fucking stupid. Or the cholesterol I consume clouds my judgement.

    Brie – Do you double dare me? Also, do you have a heart defibrillator near you?

    Uncle Skeleton – Maybe the fast food apocalypse has already begun and I don’t know it yet because I’m on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Oh we’re screwed.

    Susu – Actually, being robble, robbled sounds kind of erotic.

    Erika – If my poop looked like that, I would really need to chew my food more.

    Jimmy – NOOOO!!!! WE’RE DOOMED!!!

    sarah – Mmm…Chicken flavor Top Ramen. Mmm…Sodium.

  10. I had one the other day and I have to agree with you that it would have been better if the potatoes were crispy. But knowing how they sort of do a product like this they probably cooked the filling, rolled it in a tortilla with the cheese and sauce, wrapped it and boosted the temperature in the Q-ing oven (Mcd’s word for microwave) then finally put it in a warmer. But of course by the time i got mine it was just warm. Ask for extra sauce on the side, it is good.

  11. What’s with the McHate for McDonald’s? Uh, never mind, dumb question… Marvo, thanks for risking a heart attack to review the McSkillet burrito; I also tried it and I kind of liked it. The sauce seemed kind of enchilada-ish to me and it had a nice (for McDonald’s) smokey flavor. It was pretty huge for breakfast so I ate half (yes, I could have gobbled down the whole thing, but I didn’t want to throw up at work) and ate the second half the next morning. Buuuuurrp!

  12. Hi Marvo!

    I had one of these on the way out of town for Thanksgiving, and I thought it was great! I didn’t have to stop for food again until 8 hours later…

  13. McDonald’s is generally a dump anyway.

    So I’m anxious to see how the apocalypse will turn out– if it ends with inexpensive, high-quality sushi restaurants replacing every McDonald’s in existence, I’m all for it. This world needs more culture. Sushi can help bring it.

    Anyway, I’ve just started reading your blog today and cannot stop laughing.

  14. Lane O – Crispy potatoes would’ve been awesome. Actually they could’ve stuck their normal hash browns into it and that would’ve been great as well.

    Molly – I don’t know if you’ve seen them, but 7-Eleven has these breakfast scramble wraps that I occasionally eat. It’s not spicy, but it pretty much has the same stuff in it, and I kind of prefer it over this. Plus, it’s cheaper too.

    Eryn – I think these are great the morning after someone has sex with a troll. Not only does it take the taste of the troll out of one’s mouth, its heartiness is also comforting.

    ZangieF – As long as they serve Spicy Tuna and California Rolls, I hope for that too. There also needs to be more Japanese ramen and curry shops. While I’m on the Japanese thing, we also need better vending machines that allow me to buy used Japanese schoolgirl underwear.

    Aimee – You should just try it once, just so you can say you tried it. That’s what I believe. Sure, I’ve consumed things that are not healthy for me, but I kind of think of it as Russian Roulette with food.

  15. Hmmm…McDonald’s is far from healthy, but you’re trading your saturated and trans fats for mercury and parasites when you head to that sushi bar. I’m not sure it’s a good trade.

  16. Not only do Sonic and Burger King currently have breakfast burritos (burritoes?) but Chick-fil-A has one as well (Do they have Chick-fil-As on that big Pacific Ocean rock? If not, you are sorely missing out if you enjoy fried not-greasy boneless chicken)

    Once KFC and Wendy’s starts carrying a breakfast burrito, that’s the time to be scared.

  17. I almost want to try this, but one thing, I hate eggs. so I may not, I’ll stick to my hashbrown and sausage biscuit with strawberry jelly. it’s a safe bet.

    and a little story for you, about BK breakfast:
    I used to love cheesey tots from BK, they were my breakfast savior, I ate them often. then they snatched them off of the market. I sent an email to BK telling them they ruined my breakfast experience, and that I was going to kill myself. now, they are back, but not as good and they COUNT HOW MANY YOU GET. not large, small, medium. but 6,9,12. -sigh-

  18. I might have to try this…I’m surprised that you enjoyed it as much as you did. McDonalds is wretchedly horrid for your body, but I can’t help it. I adore there breakfasts…

  19. I don’t understand, nor do I approve of, putting potatoes in a burrito. Wrapping a starch up in another starch is ridiculous – they don’t sandwich french fries between two buns, why the need to stick potatoes in a tortilla?

  20. Karen – The difference is I WILL GET saturated and trans fat from McDonald’s, but I MAY GET mercury and parasites when I go to a sushi bar.

    Renee – Nope, we don’t have one of those here. Also, when KFC starts serving breakfast, that’s when I will be totally scared and be forced to exhume the body of Colonel Sanders and separate his skull from the rest of his body.

    Shannon – The sausage is one of the major things that makes it good and makes it part of a complete unhealthy breakfast.

    Rose – I believe those came out at the same time as the Chicken Fries…I still can’t believe those fried tampons are still on the menu.

    Nevis – I usually get their Big Breakfast, which is basically a Sausage Egg McMuffin broken up into its individual pieces.

    joseph – I’ve actually seen people stick french fries into their Big Macs. These people were large.

    Webmiztris – I guess you’ll be sticking with the double cheeseburger.

  21. so marvo, i just saw a commercial for a jack-in-the-box breakfast burrito. you should warn everyone to stock up on bottled water and things for the fast food apocalypse.

  22. Julie – But if I warn everyone, that would mean less bottled water for me. I think I’ll just buy the bottled water and then sell it for an inflated price.

Comments are closed.