Kellogg’s Special K Raspberry Bliss

If all it takes to achieve bliss is to eat the Kellogg’s Special K Raspberry Bliss bar, then I’m staying home and eating nothing but these natural and artificial flavored bars. But really, after trying them, I doubt that these bars have the ability to give someone any amount of bliss. Even if it could, it would end up being like a vibrator, it would satisfy you for a while, but eventually you’re going to need something real.

Speaking of being real, these Kellogg’s Special K Raspberry Bliss bars lack some of that in its ingredients. Each bar is made up of multigrain cereal, bran flakes, rice cereal, raspberry flavored fruit pieces, and partially dipped in what I’m now calling, I Can Believe It’s Not Chocolate, or as the packaging says “chocolatey.”

Not chocolate, “chocolatey.”

To explain “chocolatey,” I’m going to refer to a comment for The Impulsive Buy’s review of the Kellogg’s Special K Chocolatey Delight cereal from my favorite female candy expert, “Partially hydrogenated palm kernel oil + cocoa processed with alkali + cocoa = “chocolatey.” There’s no cocoa butter in there to make it chocolate.”

Its overall taste was not bad. The “raspberry flavored fruit pieces” made the bar taste like raspberry jujubes. The chocolatey part of the bar didn’t seem to add anything, since the raspberry is what stood out. For a bar that claims to be healthy, it would’ve been nice of Kellogg’s to keep it real by including actual dried raspberries in it, or at least a coupon for a free lap dance, because I think that’s the only thing that would make up for it.

Another thing that bothered me was that in the nutrition facts it claimed to have zero trans fats, but if you read the ingredients list and look at the footnotes, there’s a line that says “Less then 0.5 g trans fat per serving” thanks to the partially hydrogenated palm kernel oil. Each bar weighs less than an ounce (0.77 ounces) and is 3.5 inches long and one inch wide, which is great for people trying to portion control and lose weight, but bad for people who are hungry or guys insecure about their junk.

Overall, I think the Kellogg’s Special K Raspberry Bliss bars are like Playboy Playmates, they seem good at first glance, but deep down you know there was some tricks involved. With the Bliss bars, it’s the raspberry flavored fruit pieces and the chocolatey dipping. With the Playboy Playmates, it’s Photoshop.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 90 calories, 2 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 1 grams of protein, 10% niacin, 4% iron, 10% vitamin B6, and zero grams of bliss.)

Item: Kellogg’s Special K Raspberry Bliss
Price: $3.00 (on sale, six-pack)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: 90 calories per bar. Decent tasting. Bars are small for those who want to control portions. Coupons for lap dances.
Cons: No bliss from eating bars. Ingredients list is kind of scary. 0.5 grams of trans fat. Raspberry flavored fruit pieces not actual raspberries. Chocolatey not chocolate. Not much in vitamins and minerals. Bars are small for hungry people. Chocolatey doesn’t add to the bar. Being insecure about your junk.

15 thoughts to “Kellogg’s Special K Raspberry Bliss”

  1. Meh. I’m waiting for you to eat (or do) something nasty again and spew your fury all over the internet.

  2. Molly – You want me to wax another body part, don’cha? You wrote “fury” but you really wanted to type “furry.”

    liz – I prefer blissy.

  3. With the Playboy Playmates, isn’t implant surgery and liposuction also involved?

    Special K is never satisfying, kind of like a hooker that agrees to your terms and then tries to double the price at the last minute.

  4. They’re allowed to say that about the trans fats, or anything else… as long as it’s “almost” none, they can advertise as “______ free!”

  5. “Chocolatey” is the bain of my existence. Clearly I live a fairly trouble-free life, but Chocolatey really pisses me off.

  6. I really would love to “eat right” – but 3 bucks (on sale!) for 6 tiny bars? It’s just not financially feasable.

    i think i could spare maybe 2 bucks on the box, but 3 is pushing it.

  7. “Chocolatey” is creepy. I am so weirded out that “chocolatey” is listed on the box and “raspberry flavored fruit pieces”. What the hell kind of fruit is it then and why didn’t they just put raspberries in there?

  8. Chocolatey??? Does it taste anything like carob??? Some camp counselor from my youth once convinced me to eat carob. I’ve never forgiven her for that

  9. As long as “chocolatey” isn’t the same thing as “caroby”, those things sound pretty good. 😀

  10. A coupon for a lap dance? I’m intrigued. Do you get the whole shebang for free or do you just get partway off? A twenty cent coupon for a twenty dollar lap dance sounds mighty chocolatey to me.

  11. Chuck – Oh, how I despise price gouging hookers.

    Lorien – Fucking FDA.

    Karen – I say to beat that chocolatey with a baseball ball bat.

    jdeuel – Well, here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean thing are a bit pricer than other places. So you probably could get it on sale for less.

    Antonio – I did like the Special K cereal, but it would be so much better if real chocolate was used. Of course, then it wouldn’t be very Special K. So I guess I must keep adding Hershey’s Kisses to my cereal.

    NotBlonde – You’re preachin’ to the choir, baby! They gots to keep it real!

    Kylie – Never had carob, but after reading its definition, I am afraid of it.

    Shannon – They do look good, except for people with gigantic hands.

    demondoll – It’s more than wrong. It’s wrong to infinity plus one.

    Katie – I don’t think it is, but caroby sounds like a name of a Nintendo game character.

    Brenda – I should be the whole shebang…in a private room…with video cameras to remember the moment.

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