Like how Britney avoids court dates, for many years, I stayed away from Whole Grain and visa versa. I’m not sure when the dislike began between us. Maybe it was the time when I dropped the letters W, L, and E from its first name and went around calling it “Ho Grain.”
Or maybe it was the time when Whole Grain called me a “man-whore,” willing to give up my body to any lonely middle-aged/senior Japanese female tourist willing to buy me cheap cigarettes, a fake flower lei, squashed Twinkies, and a can of Asahi beer.
Those days have passed and Whole Grain and I have become friends. How did that happen? Well it’s because I’ve been seeing Ho Grai…oops, sorry, it’s kind of a habit. I mean, I’ve been seeing Whole Grain all over the place. I’m not only seeing it in the bread aisle, but also the cereal aisle, pasta aisle, and amongst all the Hot Pockets. I figured if I’m going to have to see it all the time, there’s no sense in being dicks to each other. So we called a truce, we’ve been getting to know each other, and apparently Whole Grain is not so bad.
First off, Whole Grain provides fiber and that’s something we all need in order to poop properly. Secondly, it watches the TV show 30 Rock. Thirdly, we both hate and wish nothing but the wrath of everything evil upon Wonder Bread. So all of that might be the reasons why I enjoy the new Whole Grain Strawberry Pop-Tarts.
It tastes just like regular unfrosted Pop-Tarts, except with a slightly grainy texture. There’s a drizzle of frosting on top and it is pretty good for something that supposed to be “healthier” than the original version. However, it tastes like regular unfrosted Pop-Tarts probably because their nutrition facts are very similar. The Kellogg’s Whole Grain Strawberry Pop-Tarts have 20 less calories, 1 less gram fat, 0.5 less grams of saturated fat, 20 less milligrams of sodium, 2 less grams of carbs, 1 less gram of sugar, and 2+ grams more of fiber.
Despite the whole grain, the Kellogg’s Whole Grain Strawberry Pop-Tarts are only slightly healthier than regular Strawberry Pop-Tarts, which is disappointing, but again, not surprising since they taste very similar.
Shit! I feel duped. You deceived me Whole Grain…or should I say Ho Grain.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry – 190 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbs, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 2 grams of fiber, 10% Vitamin A, 0% Vitamin C, 0% Calcium, 10% Iron, 10% Thiamin, 10% Riboflavin, 10% Niacin, 10% Vitamin B6, 4% Folic Acid, and 100% friendship)
Item: Kellogg’s Whole Grain Strawberry Pop-Tarts
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like regular Strawberry Pop-Tarts. More fiber than regular Pop-Tarts. Slightly, slightly healthier than regular Pop-Tarts. Being Rickrolled.
Cons: Stingy with the frosting. A little grainy texture. Slightly, slightly healthier than regular Pop-Tarts. Just one serving of whole grain. Need a chocolate-flavored versions. High fructose corn syrup. Less than 0.5 grams of trans fat per pastry. Giving up my body for damaged food.