Kellogg’s Whole Grain Strawberry Pop-Tarts

Like how Britney avoids court dates, for many years, I stayed away from Whole Grain and visa versa. I’m not sure when the dislike began between us. Maybe it was the time when I dropped the letters W, L, and E from its first name and went around calling it “Ho Grain.”

Or maybe it was the time when Whole Grain called me a “man-whore,” willing to give up my body to any lonely middle-aged/senior Japanese female tourist willing to buy me cheap cigarettes, a fake flower lei, squashed Twinkies, and a can of Asahi beer.

Those days have passed and Whole Grain and I have become friends. How did that happen? Well it’s because I’ve been seeing Ho Grai…oops, sorry, it’s kind of a habit. I mean, I’ve been seeing Whole Grain all over the place. I’m not only seeing it in the bread aisle, but also the cereal aisle, pasta aisle, and amongst all the Hot Pockets. I figured if I’m going to have to see it all the time, there’s no sense in being dicks to each other. So we called a truce, we’ve been getting to know each other, and apparently Whole Grain is not so bad.

First off, Whole Grain provides fiber and that’s something we all need in order to poop properly. Secondly, it watches the TV show 30 Rock. Thirdly, we both hate and wish nothing but the wrath of everything evil upon Wonder Bread. So all of that might be the reasons why I enjoy the new Whole Grain Strawberry Pop-Tarts.

It tastes just like regular unfrosted Pop-Tarts, except with a slightly grainy texture. There’s a drizzle of frosting on top and it is pretty good for something that supposed to be “healthier” than the original version. However, it tastes like regular unfrosted Pop-Tarts probably because their nutrition facts are very similar. The Kellogg’s Whole Grain Strawberry Pop-Tarts have 20 less calories, 1 less gram fat, 0.5 less grams of saturated fat, 20 less milligrams of sodium, 2 less grams of carbs, 1 less gram of sugar, and 2+ grams more of fiber.

Despite the whole grain, the Kellogg’s Whole Grain Strawberry Pop-Tarts are only slightly healthier than regular Strawberry Pop-Tarts, which is disappointing, but again, not surprising since they taste very similar.

Shit! I feel duped. You deceived me Whole Grain…or should I say Ho Grain.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry – 190 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbs, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 2 grams of fiber, 10% Vitamin A, 0% Vitamin C, 0% Calcium, 10% Iron, 10% Thiamin, 10% Riboflavin, 10% Niacin, 10% Vitamin B6, 4% Folic Acid, and 100% friendship)

Item: Kellogg’s Whole Grain Strawberry Pop-Tarts
Price: $3.00
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like regular Strawberry Pop-Tarts. More fiber than regular Pop-Tarts. Slightly, slightly healthier than regular Pop-Tarts. Being Rickrolled.
Cons: Stingy with the frosting. A little grainy texture. Slightly, slightly healthier than regular Pop-Tarts. Just one serving of whole grain. Need a chocolate-flavored versions. High fructose corn syrup. Less than 0.5 grams of trans fat per pastry. Giving up my body for damaged food.

22 thoughts on “Kellogg’s Whole Grain Strawberry Pop-Tarts

  1. I thought the reason behind eating Pop Tarts first thing in the morning was to get the pure sugar rush first thing in the morning. Not to make you rush to the toilet.

  2. Lorien – Just be glad they weren’t bran and soy Pop-Tarts.

    luckinflux – What a coincidence! I am typing this on the toilet.

  3. Once I saw this wasn’t about Cinnamon and Sugar frosted pop-tarts, I had to stop reading. I’m sorry! I hope you enjoyed them

  4. If you’re going to have to sacrafice taste, it should definitely be for HUGE gains in the nutritional profile. And what’s with the drizzles of frosting? Either frost it or don’t (nothin’ wrong with the unfrosted PopTarts)

  5. Next thing you know they’ll be making whole grain ice cream for ****** sakes to make it seem healthier. Imagine if Marie Antoinette said, “Let them eat cake with whole grain!” It would have been off with her head! Oh wait…

  6. well, goshdammit. i wish i could like whole grain. i really do. but that mealy, grainy texture makes me want to punch my tastebuds so they’ll numb out and refuse to tell my brain how icky healthy food tastes. stay outta my pasta and poptarts, grains. if i wanted nutrition i’d go eat granola, not a half-assed not even frosted all the way poptart. booooo.

  7. Ugh. Did any of you notice the picture on the box? The whole grain version has way less sugary glaze than the original fully-covered poptart. And though I haven’t tried it (and won’t), I bet you get those irritating bits of “grain” stuck in your teeth and mouth afterwards.

    Marvo, no poptart dance?

  8. whole grain pop tarts.. it’s just so wrong!
    I gave pop tarts up after age 12.. found the chocolate croissant and never looked back.
    I could make you a chocolate croissant bikini, ….

  9. I want multi-grain pop-tarts. Until I see my pop tarts pock-marked with chunks of uncooked barley, brown rice and unidentifiable leaves and stems, I’m not interested.

  10. EM – You got Rickrolled! Sadly, you’re probably the only one who realized they got Rickrolled. Some think I have a crush on Rick Astley. Everyone under 21 thinks Conan O’Brien made a music video in the 1980s.

    demondoll – With frosting or without frosting.

    Kylie – What? Do you have something against strawberries? Anyhoo, they also make a whole grain brown sugar and cinnamon version.

    cybele – I was hoping that it would taste like cardboard so that it would taste like it looks.

    Erika – Shhhh! Don’t give companies ideas!

    Chuck – Maybe they should replace “Pop” with “Pimp”

    betsy – Whole grain pasta sucks hard. It makes Italians cry.

  11. Shannon – Yum-O!

    Molly – A Pop-Tart dance would pop your tarts. I have no idea what that means.

    Bikerbabeee – I think a chocolate croissant bikini would itch because the flakes from the croissant would end up in places they shouldn’t be.

    Nevis – I would give a chocolate one a try too…as long as it wasn’t chocolatey.

    Anon – Mmm…Wheatgrass Pop-Tarts.

  12. Dammit, still not healthy enough for me to convince my wife that these make a suitable breakfast on the diet she’s got me doing!

  13. Meredith – I have some organic toaster pastries which aren’t bad. Not too sweet, but kind of pricey and hard to find.

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