Burger King Loaded Steakhouse Burger

Written by | April 1, 2008

Topics: 2 Rating, Burger King, Fast Food, Food

When The King isn’t watching you sleep or molesting your children, he’s in the corporate test kitchen. He’s probably molesting the chefs too, but what he’s really doing is finding ways to slowly kill you with fat so that he may harvest your organs to pay for the medical bills that come from maintaining that abnormally large head of his. It’s no surprise that he managed to get this gut-busting Burger King Loaded Steakhouse Burger green-lit.

There’s also a regular Steakhouse Burger that has lettuce and tomatoes, but for entertainment purposes I decided to go with the more gastronomically disgusting Loaded variety. It’s a cubed angus steak (basically chewy ground beef), about ten strips of bacon, A1 Sauce, fried onion strings, and “loaded” mashed potatoes on a corn-dusted bun. I use the term “loaded” very loosely because I got a smear of mashed potatoes the size of a pat of butter. “Ripped Off” mashed potatoes would be much more fitting.

Of course, I haven’t even gotten to the insanity inherent in a burger with mashed potatoes as a selling point. KFC already crossed several lines with their Famous Bowls, but the PR people at Burger King took it to another level by trying to sell this burger as “the indulgence of an entire steak dinner at a fraction of the cost.” What they fail to mention is that the steak dinner they are referring to is Banquet’s Salisbury Steak, which is on sale at your local supermarket for 99 cents, ironically a fraction of the $6.99 you’ll be paying for this combo.

Once you get down to it, you’re paying a rather hefty price for a rather meager burger that consists of dry, chewy beef, a pig’s ass worth of bacon, a gentle wipe of mashed potatoes, and some crushed Funyuns. This is the type of burger that you should be absolutely embarrassed to order. It is the type of burger that is only dreamt up by the fattest of all fat people and the stoniest of all stoners. The type of burger that you want to tell your mom about, but are too afraid because she would think you were shooting up heroin with the wrong crowd.

Don’t let The King harvest your organs. Boycott this overpriced monstrosity.

Item: Burger King Loaded Steakhouse Burger
Price: $6.99 for medium combo
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 2 out of 10
Pros: A ridiculous yet ballsy concept for a burger. A fun story to tell your friends about after it gets pulled. A1 sauce tastes a little better than Burger King’s barbecue sauce.
Cons: Burger is way smaller than advertised. Almost no mashed potatoes. Onions are nearly non-existent. Angus beefsteak is chewy and flavorless. Horrendously overpriced. The King.

48 Comments For This Post I'd Love to Hear Yours!

  1. Nom Nom Nom says:

    I always try new things when they come out, so I just had to give this a try. I got the loaded one. I’m lucky enough to live in a town where the fast food workers aren’t totally pathetic, so they actually made my burger right.

    The thing was loaded with potatoes, bacon, and onions. It looked bigger than the ones they show in their ads. It was amazing as well. The beef had a good flavor to it, kinda reminded me a bit of a DQ burger. The potatoes and bacon really made it an amazing burger.

    As yummy as it was I won’t be getting another one. My goal is to lose weight not gain it. Back to Subway I go for a 6″ turkey. :(

  2. robert says:

    I tried one yesterday and it felt like I was pouring pure fat into my arteries as I ate it, very disgusting. This burger was made to kill.

  3. Kayla says:

    Out of sheer morbid curiosity, I tried this burger today. Ugh. I was pretty happy to see that I’m not the only one who hates tasteless bargain beef patties from Banquet. What were they thinking?

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