Casa Fiesta Beef Tamales

My doctor told me last week that I wasn’t getting enough of my fat intake from canned foods.

Actually, he told me that I was lucky to make it to his office from my car, but this is what I would buy if the previous sentence were true. It’s Casa Fiesta’s Beef Tamales in a can. It boasts that it needs no preservatives, which sounds healthy until you realize that it’s packed in its own grease.

The whole idea of tamales in a can would be enough to give some purists a heart attack — and not just from the cholesterol. Real tamales are lovingly made by hand by an Mexican woman and steamed over several hours with obnoxious mariachi music playing in the background.

They are wrapped in either corn husks or banana leaves, both of which are usurped here by the practical-yet-bland parchment paper. All six tamales are individually wrapped and ready for consumption.

For who?

I’m not certain, but I think I fit right into their self-loathing bachelor demographic. Low standards here are important because they’re not what I’d call pretty. In fact, the process of canning and shipping has left these tamales looking a little bit like spent condoms. I’ll let you use your imagination for the chili sauce.

Fortunately, it does not taste awful. I would never dare serve these to other people, but they are good when you are too lazy to cook and want some spicy food out of a can. The masa dough on the outside is passable even though it kind of blends in with the beef. The beef paste has no real discernible texture; it is comparable to a dryer version of Chef Boyardee’s mystery beef.

If it weren’t for the color, I wouldn’t be able to tell where one ended and the other one began. After drenching it in hot sauce and sour cream, however, you will cease caring and begin enjoying this bastardized Mexican classic.

(Nutritional Facts – 2 tamales – 220 calories, 15 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 mg of cholesterol, 680 mg sodium, 14 grams of carbs, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 8% Vitamin A, 2% Vitamin C, 2% Calcium, and 4% Iron)

Item: Casa Fiesta Beef Tamales
Price: $1.39
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tastes pretty good once you throw a bunch of stuff on it. Convenient and good to have on hand. No preservatives.
Cons: Very greasy if you don’t scoop out the excess. Lacks any discernible texture. Obnoxious mariachi music. Kind of look like spent condoms.

24 thoughts to “Casa Fiesta Beef Tamales”

  1. skibs – Sounds pretty good. I’ve heard of people breaking this stuff up and using as dip, I guess it depends on imagination/how high you are.

    Kylie – I hope people reading this blog don’t think I eat like this all the time. It’s strictly for business and entertainment purposes. Seven times a week.

    Alex Lifeson – I agree, they’re not that bad. You’re talking to a guy who has a giant box of army MRE’s in his closet, I’ll pretty much eat anything if I’m hungry enough.

    LK – If there’s one thing I’ve been known to be good at, it’s ruining sex drives.

    demondoll – Yeah, I like the Trader Joe’s stuff too, but there’s something satisfying about reaching into your closet and pulling out dinner.

    JOSH!!! – Remember to have a barf bag nearby when you read this site.

    MintWrecker – The scars will fade over time.

    Reprobate – Is wang on a stick what I think it is?

    Bokkie – I think you can get one if you send in 5 UPC’s and $.50.

  2. Parchment paper? Really? If you left it on the tamales, you might get a slight bit of nutrition from the fiber.

    And your visual comparison disturbs me greatly! I will be sure to let the wait staff at El Arriero to make mine not look like that.

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