Jack in the Box Strawberry Banana Real Fruit Smoothie

What are you doing, Jack in the Box? Are you going all healthy on us with your Jack in the Box Strawberry Banana Real Fruit Smoothie? Whatever you’re doing, stop it! Because it’s freakin’ me out!

It’s like I’m in an alternate universe where Jumbo Jacks, Big Macs and Whoppers are healthy, while vegetables and organic foods are bad for you. It is also a universe where Jared is still the spokesperson for Subway, except Subway makes sub sandwiches the size of actual submarines, and Jared weighs 700 pounds, doesn’t know where his penis is, looks like Jabba the Hutt, and hasn’t moved his ass off of his couch since 1999.

Actually, there weren’t any nutritional facts on the Jack in the Box website right now so it’s hard for me to know if they’re healthy or not. (Editor’s Note: Nutritional facts are down below) This worries me because fast food joints have the ability to turn something healthy into something that’s not, like salads and adults collecting kids meal toys. For all I know, this fast food smoothie might be the most unhealthiest thing on the face of the Earth and they deep fry the bastard when no one is looking. But what I do know for sure is that the Real Fruit Smoothies are made from Minute Maid fruit juice and non-fat frozen yogurt, which sounds somewhat healthy to me, but then again I believe I can get all my daily vegetable servings from eating a full sheet of carrot cake.

Don’t expect the Jack in the Box Real Fruit Smoothie to be like anything you would get from Jamba Juice or Robeks. Jack in the Box only uses fruit juices, while the two smoothie specialists uses a combination of real fruits, fruit juices, free boosts, and fancy smoothie names usually reserved for girly, fruity alcoholic beverages which I enjoy for a few sips, then pass out, and then either wake up pants-less in some stranger’s bed or pants-less in the middle of the orangutan exhibit at the zoo.

The Jack in the Box Strawberry Banana Real Fruit Smoothie had a fruit taste that didn’t seem natural, but then again the idea of a strawberry-banana juice seems unnatural. If I squeeze an orange, I’m going to get orange juice. If I squeeze a banana, I’m going to get baby food and stink eyes from monkeys. There was an artificial sweetener taste to it, so perhaps that’s where the unnatural taste came from.

Overall, the Jack in the Box Strawberry Banana Real Fruit Smoothie was decent and was what I expected from a fast food joint. It’s definitely not something I would get my daily servings of fruit from, because for that I would eat an entire apple pie, but I think that it’s probably healthier than a deep-fried Jack in the Box Oreo Shake.

(Nutrition Facts – 16 ounces – 290 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 210 milligrams of potassium, 73 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 57 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Strawberry Banana Real Fruit Smoothie
Price: $3.89 (16 ounces)
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Decent tasting. Made with non-fat frozen yogurt. Enjoyed the satisfying crunch of the coarse ice crystals. Possibly healthier than a Jack in the Box Oreo Shake.
Cons: Had a slight artificial sweetener taste. Strawberry-banana juice seems unnatural. No nutritional facts on website. Getting stink eyes from monkeys, because flying poop is soon to follow. Waking up bottomless in the middle of a zoo exhibit spooning a primate. The power of fruity, girly alcoholic beverages.

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10 thoughts on “Jack in the Box Strawberry Banana Real Fruit Smoothie

  1. Hmmm…sounds like another healthy-sounding product from a fast food place that probably isn’t really healthy at all. Probably has 987 grams of sugar or something.

    Incidentally, I’m drinking a strawberry beer while reading this review. I know that’s unhealthy for sure, but what can I say? It’s Strawberry-Miller time.

  2. “If I squeeze a banana, I’m going to get baby food and stink eyes from monkeys.” Hil-ar-ious!!!! Definitely need to include that one in the TIB book of quotes.

  3. When you get stink-eye from monkeys you REALLY get stink-eye.. they like to throw poop at anything that moves, It really does rank as one of the top ten TIB quotes.
    As for Jack.. If I am going in there, it’s not to sample the newest “healthy” offering…but it might make a fine accent!

  4. Dearest Marvo: This is an oddly non-sexual review for a strawberry-flavored product. Given your strawberry Oreo review–and the phallic possibilities offered by the presence of banana in this shake—I have to say I feel a bit…

    Hm.

  5. Last review I was sitting in a bar drinking a Guinness. Now I’m in another bar drinking a Stella and eating pizza. I still think I’m on a healthier diet then the both of you.

    For real! I’m sending over a healthy dinner for you boys. FedEx to Ace and Marvo, I’ll have it messengered over. Just tell me where to send it.

  6. I don’t understand why you’d fuck up perfectly good strawberry with a banana. Why not peach?

    Not that there is a Gag in the Bag anywhere near me so I could try one, but how much sugar was in that?

  7. Chuck – Even more amazing…negative 987 grams of sugar.

    Erika – At least if I squeeze a banana, I’ll have something to throw at the monkeys. Of course, they can retaliate with poop.

    whip1 – Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

    luckinflux – Actually, to be honest. If I got hit in the face with poop, I would be pissed, but then I would scratch it off my list of things to have done to me before I die.

    Bikerbabeee – I usually go there and ask for Jack.

    Brenda Who Loves You Still – I am sorry to disappoint. I’ll probably return to a sexual review soon…I always do.

    Kylie – You’re going to send us veggie Subway sandwiches, aren’t you? I wonder if Ace’s would survive the trip to California.

    Aimee – I don’t know how much sugar, because Jack in the Crack hasn’t updated their website with the nutritional facts.

    skibs – I haven’t been a fan of the sirloin burgers, so I would have to say that this is better than those.

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