Jamba Juice 3G Energizer

OMG! Like energy drinks are soooo like 2007. Now it’s like totally about energy-everything-else because energy drink are like so everywhere. They’re in like grocery stores, convenience stores, online stores, membership warehouse stores, restaurant stores, super stores, and like bar stores. Like I would not be caught dead drinking a canned energy drink because like aluminum is for siding and covering leftovers.

Because I don’t like want to look like a total dorkzilla, I’ve been like drinking the Jamba Juice 3G Energizer smoothie to like totally get my energy. It’s got like this 3G Charger boost thingy, which is supposed to like give me 120 milligrams of caffeine.

The boost thingy has like stuff you’d find in energy drinks, like green tea, guarananana and like ginseng, but it doesn’t come in some lamers can. Like the only things that like should be in a can are like canned food going to the food bank and like Oscar the Grouch. There’s like also an Energy boost thingy with lots of Vitamins B6 and B12. With all those vitamins it’s like they totally threw in some Flintstones vitamins.

Along with the 3G Charger and Energy boost thingies, the Jamba Juice 3G Energizer contains raspberries, strawberries, lemonade, passionfruit-mango juice, lime sherbet, and orange sherbet. When I read it had passionfruit, I like asked the Jamba Juice person if it was one of those like a-fro-dee-zee-ack thingies. The Jamba Juice blender jockey like looked at me like I was stupid or something. OMG! Whatever! Total hater!

Anyhoo, I like wanted to totally like this, because the color was cute and it was kind of yummers, but OMG, there were like seeds like everywhere and I was like totally not having any fun. Seeds were like crunchy and like getting stuck between my teeth. OMG! Hello, it’s like supposed to be a smoothie and go down smooth, not a smoothie sometimes and go down not so smooth. It was like a total bummers.

I was like trying to enjoy its strong lemonade-y taste, but like the seeds like totally got in the way. At first, I was deciding whether or not I was going to like spit them out, but it’s like totally lamers to spit, so I like swallowed all those seeds. I like totally hope a strawberry tree doesn’t like grow in me. That would be like totally gross.

OMG, while I was drinking the Jamba Juice 3G Energizer, I felt like I was that Duracell Bunny that like keeps going and going. While I was walking around the mall with it, it like gave me the energy to climb the stairs instead of climbing the escalator and like when I was pulling clothes to try on, the store worker came up to me and asked me if she could like take the clothes I had in my hands and put them in a dressing room, but because of the energy from the smoothie, I totally told her that I’d hold on to them.

OMG! I’m totally like Wonder Woman now.

(Nutrition Facts – 24-ounces – 470 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 430 milligrams of potassium, 110 grams of carbohydrates, 93 grams of sugar, 6 grams of dietary fiber, 3 grams of protein. 90% Vitamin C, 30% calcium, 4 fruit servings, 1 big sugar rush, and like 1 big sugar low.)

Item: Jamba Juice 3G Energizer
Price: $4.69 (24-ounces)
Purchased at: Jamba Juice
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Good. Really sweet. Lemonade is the dominant flavor. Nice boost of energy. 120 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine.
Cons: Too many damn seeds. Not too smooth for a smoothie. Too many damn likes in this review. Lots of sugar. Being a dorkzilla. The insane abundance of energy drinks.

Listen to the audio version

18 thoughts on “Jamba Juice 3G Energizer

  1. Whoa! 470 calories worth of sugar. That would be enough to energize anybody.

    There used to be a Jamba Juice near where I lived but it’s been torn down.

  2. Like..wowzers! Holy crap-a-tola of rock-n’-rolla!! LOL..totally sounds yummers!! OMG..like..i just spit up all over my flip flops..bummer city.

  3. All those things I said about you needing to eat healthier… I take it all back.

    Diet chips and jamba juice has turned you into a valley girl. This scares me a bit.

  4. “At first, I was deciding whether or not I was going to like spit them out, but it’s like totally lamers to spit, so I like swallowed all those seed”

    I felt really dirty reading that. What stores were you shopping at? Esprit? Kate Spade? Crabtree & Evelyn? BCBGMAXAZRIA?

  5. marvoooo try a “whit gummi” its one of their secret flavors!!!

    LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE OMG!

  6. Oh Marvo, you are so like, totally on this 80’s kick.. Can we like go hang out at the Galleria mall and like totally shop for some totally bitchin leg warmers and spandex and maybey a flashy new banana hammock for you?
    I did not like the seeds either, but sometimes a girls gotta swallow things she does not exactly want to. If those don’t sprout,well you get the picture.. your safe honey.
    and I totally agree… AUDIO!!!!

  7. Like, Starbucks has an energy drink too. But I didn’t need it as I was, like, wired to the MAX from the 5 shots of iced espresso I had instead!
    I don’t usually go there, but today I found myself cutting across 3 lanes of traffic for a caffeine fix.

  8. Chuck – OMG! Jamba Juice torn down. Like totally bummers.

    Alex Lifeson – OMG! LIke bummer.

    Alastor – OMG. Here’s like a knife.

    Sass – OMG. I should totally like to an audio post of this. That would be like totally awesome.

    Lex – OMG. Like no Jamba Juice. That’s like so lame. You should like ask Jamba Juice to like build you one.

    Kylie – OMG. You should like totally see me when I’m at Down to Earth.

    yawnie – OMG! I like third that request for like an audio post.

    luckinflux – OMG! Esprit? Like gag me with a spoon.

    Brendababe – OMG! That’s like a sugar overload.

    nicole – OMG! LIke gag me with diabetes.

    Bikerbabeee – OMG! Like spandex. No way jose. I got like a flat ass, and like spandex would totally not be flattering.

    Eryn – OMG! You’re like a crazy driver.

    Mallory – OMG! I totally sound like a whore.

  9. Audio post please!

    The styrofoam cup used in that drink is awful for the enviroment. You evil SOB.

    Kidding…

  10. I think instead of channeling Cher (Alicia Silverstone) in “clueless,” you channeled the wayans brothers in “white chicks.” :p

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