REVIEW: Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond

OMGYAFC!!! Oh. My. God. You. Are. Fucking. Cute.

I don’t know whether to eat or to hug you, Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond. Look at your face on your packaging. You’re trying to balance an almond on your nose while caramel corn is being thrown at you. Totemo kawaii (very cute). I really don’t want to open you because I afraid I’m going to hurt you. That look on your face looks like you’re prepared for the torture of having your top ripped open by filthy non-cute human hands. Oh how I wish you weren’t cute, like a bag of Ruffles Potato Chips, a trash dumpster, or Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz’s wedding photos.

But I’m sorry, little guy, I have to open you. If I wasn’t hungry and didn’t need to review you, perhaps I could cuddle you a little longer. Now I have to eat what could be considered your brains. Are you ready, little guy? At least you won’t have to worry about caramel corn being thrown at you anymore and perhaps you can open your eye again. Let me just squeeze you one last time. Hmm…Goodbye, my cute little Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond. Goodbye.

(Opens bag and Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond exhales its last breath)

NOOOO…Oh. You’re not so cute inside. I was expecting bright colors and flamboyant costumes, like being at a gay pride parade, but your innards look like all-you-can-eat fried shrimp from Red Lobster. Not so kawaii. I hope your flavor was worth killing you for.

Oh. You’re like Cracker Jack-flavored Cheetos. Wow, Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond, you’re really tasty and very addicting. You’re so light, fluffy, and crunchy that I didn’t realize I just ate half of you. You may not be cute and happy on the inside, like you are on the outside, but when I eat you, you make me happy on the inside. I guess I’m going to have to find other cute little bags of Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond and kill them too.

(Nutrition Facts – 28 grams (1/3 of the bag) – 157 calories, 9 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 0 milligrams cholesterol, 54 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 0.3 grams of dietary fiber, 16.7 grams of sugar, 1 grams of protein, 1.5% calcium, 0.7% iron, and 100% kawaii.)

Item: Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond
Price: $1.99
Purchased at: PriceBusters
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Fucking addictive. Tastes like Cracker Jacks. Light, fluffy, and crunchy. Totemo kawaii packaging.
Cons: Looks like all-you-can-eat fried shrimp. Probably hard to find for most people since it’s a product of Japan. Having to kill cute things.

22 thoughts on “REVIEW: Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond

  1. What is this, the Marvo mega review marathon or something? You’re putting out new reviews faster than I can comment on them!

    This product does sound pretty tasty but I imagine hard to find around here. I guess I’ll have to stick with Cracker Jacks.

  2. Chuck – Got a lot of free time on my hands so I decided to try and write two review per day. I think it will probably be a one time thing, but I do have A LOT of products waiting to be reviewed. As for the product, I think Cracker Jacks have an edge over them because it doesn’t come with a crappy toy.

  3. And here I thought it was the energy pops you tested out, keeping you up and writing.
    this product sounded good, I may end up cruising the Asian markets for.. uh.. Tohato products.. yea thats it.

  4. there is actually a strawberry flavored cheeto look alike too! those are really addictive, but i haven’t seen caramel corn before.

  5. Bikerbabeee – You should cruise around the Asian markets, especially the Chinese areas. I believe that’s where all the bootleg stuff are.

    cian – Oops…I thought it was the 99 Cent Store, but it was actually PriceBusters. Say hello to good buys.

    liz – I believe there are several flavors and many different cute packages, but I think this one is the cutest.

  6. OMFG, these are calling to me right now. Not many of your items get a 9 out of 10, marvo, so this is one I’ll try. Even. If. It. Is. Cute.

  7. I have to have this even though eating almonds rank just a little above drinking my own pee. Would if I had to.

    However, my pee isn’t so fucking adorable! Must have this product.

  8. I’ll be cruising my asian markets too. Cute & satisfying? Since I can’t find a boyfriend who meets those two criteria, I’ll have to settle for these chips!

  9. Be fair, you wouldn’t be that cute if we were to tear the top off you and open you up… Now I’m going to have to find this crap just to try it.

  10. nat – I think it helps if you aren’t looking at its face when ripping open its head.

    Domokun – If you were a Care Bear your pee would be adorable.

    SheRa – Don’t settle. Reach for the stars!

    Dae – Actually, I am sexy hot inside. If only I could turn myself inside out.

    Alisha – The almond flavor isn’t strong. But if you like Cracker Jacks, you’ll like these.

  11. 9 out of 10?! I’ll keep an eye out for these when I go to asian supermarkets. Actually, we just call them supermarkets since I’m Asian.

    Oh and I don’t think someone is throwing a corn chip at him, I think it’s the cute guy’s eyebrow.

  12. Anon – If that’s an eyebrow, the little guy is missing an eyebrow. Or maybe I ripped it off to torture him. 🙁

  13. Dude,
    This come in ALL kinds of flavors here in Japan, including vanilla ice cream, green tea, caramel, you name. Email me if you want some samples of the weirder ones, I can hook you up.

    And yes, ALL of the bags are cute like that.

  14. cybele – I think it has 0% of daily RDA of kawaii, but 100% of daily RDA of useless toys.

    Fury – Oh. My. God. I can have a litter of these things.

    twig – Green tea Combos? Sounds Japanese-ish. Cool beans!

  15. Ah, I bought some of these the last time I time I went to PriceBusters. Their resemblance to Cheetos makes me happy.

  16. Erin – Cheetos makes me happy too, depending on its orientation. If it forms a smile, I’m happy. If I flip it 180 degrees I’m sad.

  17. Yeah, I’m enjoying the strange junk food of Japan (I’m in Tokyo for two months). I have a package of strawberry cheeto’s at home as well as French Cesear Salad AND roasted turkey Pringles. Check out my blog for reviews 🙂

  18. i want these sooooooo muchhhhh!!!! anywhere i can buy them in NY? i need them, they sound perfect!

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