Kraft Cheddar Macaroni & Cheese Crackers

Somewhere on this vast planet we call Earth, there is a lazy macaroni and cheese lover who is thinking they can now have the goodness of their favorite food without the damn preparation with these new Kraft Cheddar Macaroni & Cheese Crackers. I applaud that person for their desire to be the laziest fucker on the planet, a title I twice attempted to achieve when I was too lazy pick up the remote control which was at my feet and tried to change channel with my toes and when I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom and peed in a large tumbler I was drinking from that was half full with apple juice.

The Kraft Cheddar Macaroni & Cheese Crackers are like Goldfish, except without the cuteness, like Cheese Nips, expect without the unintentional derogatory language, and like Cheez-It crackers, except without the poor second grade level spelling error. Unfortunately for the lazy bastard who loves Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, these crackers didn’t really taste like their favorite comfort food, instead they tasted just like Cheez-It crackers. However, if you love the taste of Cheez-It crackers, but are a grammar Nazi or annoyed with the hole in the middle of each Cheez-It, these elbow macaroni shaped cheese crackers might just be for you.

Despite having the iconic “Kraft Macaroni & Cheese” name supporting it, ampersand included, I wasn’t too impressed with the Kraft Cheddar Macaroni & Cheese Crackers because they tasted like other cheese flavored crackers. They were good and I had fun sucking the orange powder from my fingers, but they just don’t represent good old Kraft Mac & Cheese very well. They were crunchy, although not as crunchy as uncooked elbow macaroni. Just like my ego and Whitney Houston’s crackhead teeth, each hollow cracker was quite brittle and perhaps that was the reason why there were a lot of broken pieces in the box I purchased.

Now that there are Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Crackers, I’m hoping for either Kraft Cheese Whiz Crackers or Velveeta Crackers, just so that all processed cheese products can have their own crunchy cracker to call their own.

(Nutrition Facts – 40 pieces – 150 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 280 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 grams of fiber, 1 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 4% calcium, 6% iron, and 5 orange tipped fingers.)

Item: Kraft Cheddar Macaroni & Cheese Crackers
Price: $3.00
Size:: 8 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good. Crunchy. Made with real cheddar cheese. Sucking my fingers. Cheez-It necklace. Real mac and cheese with mushrooms and ham.
Cons: Uninspired taste. Hollow and brittle. Tastes like Cheez-It crackers. Not as cute as Goldfish. Cheddar cheese in powder form. Grammar Nazi. Being the laziest fucker on the planet.

11 thoughts on “Kraft Cheddar Macaroni & Cheese Crackers

  1. Be glad you didn’t try the White Cheddar flavor. My girlfriend and her kids tried them and they were “absolutely disgusting” according to my gf, and “tasted like a gym sock” according to one of her kids.

  2. You could try grunting at the remote next time and just peeing on yourself–it’ll dry! Just give it time! You in a hurry?

    Regardless, I’m not one for this “comfort food” in any of its forms, but the next time I’m at the Harry Peeter and see it on the shelves, I’ll say “That’s so uninspired.” and think warm thoughts of the Marvo.

    Much like the other day when I passed by the horrific Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks. I laughed and laughed and laughed.

  3. Not as cute as goldfish? That is the dealbreaker for me. I,m on a cute food only diet so it appears that I will not be trying these.

  4. I just saw the commercial for these monstrosities. Have you seen it? The one with those people riding up on a fake cheese geyser? Nasty.

    Marvo, what were you thinking putting those things in your mouth?

  5. Rick – I guess it’s true. Kids will put anything into their mouths.

    Domokun – While I was at the airport I saw some dude purchasing those BK Ketchup and Fries snack from the vending machine, I was going to yell “NOOOOOOOO!!!” and stop him, but I was not quick enough.

    Armauld – Really? I love ketchup, but that doesn’t sound appealing. Maybe I’ll give it a try with one of those Easy Mac cups.

    Lex – Yup, it’s as disappointing as VH1 Miss Rap Supreme.

    Josh Mc – My vacation was relaxing. My cold is gone. Plus, I went horseback riding and got a little saddle sore.

    Chuck – Did she use fake tanning lotions that made her skin turn orange? If she did, she could be a human Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Cracker.

    Kylie – You must eat a lot of gummy bears and rabbits.

    liz – I’m glad they don’t taste like uncooked elbow macaroni and cheese powder.

    Brenda – I’ve put a lot worse things in my mouth, some legal, some illegal. Anyway, I have seen the commercial. I was hoping they would drown in that geyser of cheese and the narrator would say, “There’s so much cheese, you’ll drown in it.”

  6. These things would have been better if you had to add the powdered cheese, a 1/4 cup of milk and a 1/4 cup of butter to them.

    I think they tasted like salt-free Cheez-Its.

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