Starbucks Vivanno Nourishing Blends

Oh yeah, Ms. Starbucks Barista. I see you flashing your smile at me, even though I’m in the back of this line that’s ten people deep and I’m partially hidden behind the rack of CDs I would never purchase for myself, but if you want, I could purchase one just for you, even though you probably have an employee discount and you don’t buy CDs anymore since you buy all your music on iTunes.

I originally came to Starbucks for one thing, the new Starbucks Vivanno Nourishing Blends…actually, I take that back, I came for two things since these new smoothies come in two flavors, Orange Mango Banana and Banana Chocolate, but now I’m here for three things, an Orange Mango Banana Vivanno, a Banana Chocolate Vivanno, and your heart.

Oooh, you’re so hot. You put the “hot” in hot chocolate. You put the “cha” in chai and mocha. I just want to take one of these Ethos Water bottles and pour it all over you to cool you down. Don’t worry, I’ll pay for it later…with some sweet lovin’. Speaking of things involving long objects, each Vivanno includes one whole banana. The Orange Mango Banana version also includes all-natural mango orange juice, whey protein, fiber powder, 2% milk, and ice, while the Banana Chocolate has bittersweet cocoa, 2% milk, whey protein, fiber powder, and ice.

Thank you for blending these Vivanno for me. You look sexy in that green apron you have on. Maybe you’ll get the opportunity to tie me up or strangle me with it. Speaking of overwhelming, the banana flavor was quite so in both Vivanno flavors.

But alas, you and I, sexy barista, weren’t meant to be. My heart skipped a beat when you called out my name because it made me feel special that you knew my name, but you only knew because it was written on the side of the cups and not because you made every effort to sneak a peek at my name on my American Express Blue card. I also knew you and I weren’t meant to be, because both the Vivanno you blended for me weren’t very good.

The Banana Chocolate Vivanno had a decent chocolate flavor, which wasn’t too sweet and reminded me of chocolate milk. The Orange Mango Banana Vivanno reminded me of an Orange Julius, except not as orangey. The Banana Chocolate one was kind of chalky due to the whey protein powder and it didn’t have the thickness of a smoothie, like those at Jamba Juice, instead it was watery and didn’t have those ice crystals which give real smoothies a satisfying crunch. The Orange Mango Banana one was bland and also watery. I wish you put more crushed ice in there, but I guess you don’t love me enough to do so.

(Nutrition Facts – 16 ounces – Orange Mango Banana – 250 calories, 2 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 32 grams of sugar, 16 grams of protein, 35% Vitamin A, 35% Vitamin C, 10% Calcium, 4% Iron, 0 milligrams of caffeine, and 10-15 minutes of waiting depending on length of line to barista. Banana Chocolate – 270 calories, 5 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 28 grams of sugar, 21 grams of protein, 10% Vitamin A, 15% Vitamin C, 20% Calcium, 15% Iron, 15 milligrams of caffeine, and 1 ounce tears of disappointment.)

(Editor’s Note: Here are other opinions from Serious Eats, Slashfood, and Food-Notes. Also, thanks to Eric for suggesting today’s product.)

Item: Starbucks Vivanno
Price: $3.75 (16 ounces – grande)
Purchased at: Starbucks
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: A serving of fruit. If you like bananas, the banana flavor was strong in both of them. Under 270 calories. Vitamins and minerals. Fiber. Protein. Hot baristas.
Cons: One size only. Watery, not smoothie-like. Banana Chocolate one had a slightly chalky texture to it. Needed more crushed ice. Orange Mango Banana was bland. Waiting in a line of Starbucks junkies to get one.

22 thoughts on “Starbucks Vivanno Nourishing Blends

  1. I had a coupon and got the Banana Chocolate with a shot of espresso and it made me want to vomit. These things are a huge BUST as far as I can tell. Nastay.

  2. I go to Starbucks because it makes me feel like a celebrity walking around with my venti non-fat soy latte.

    It tastes disgusting, it’s over-priced, and it’s all I’m going to eat all day. Man, am I cool.

  3. Is this a review or a love letter?

    I want someone to write me a love letter. Maybe I should become a barista.

  4. The Starbucks version of a soft, bland meal replacement for senior citizens. Almost 4 bucks of disappointment for me. But I got a free coupon so I guess I’ll try it again…

    Lex: I’ve never seen the blended strawberry lemonade advertised here in Hawaii, but I did try the blended lemonade, very refreshing. The special request strawberry iced tea is good, too!

  5. Oh, I was going to review those for my site but, when I saw the price I thought to myself there is no way this is going to be good enough for me to pay that price. I think I’ll get my lattes and tea from Starbucks and leave the smoothies to Tropical Smoothie Cafe

  6. I hate hate hate HATE drinking banana. Some things just should not be liquefied & then drank.

    The Italian translation of Vivanno is “overpriced underflavored shake”???

  7. Starbucks sucks. I make my own coffee usually or go to the many indie coffee shops around where I live, and as for smoothies, I either make my own or go to Sidewalk Juices, they make really good smoothies! Or Estela’s, but they’re expensive. It’s a bit cheaper to make your own as long as you use cheap fruit.

  8. @Chavi – I thought about getting the shot of espresso too, but I figured I wanted to keep it pure. From the many reviews I’ve read about them, they don’t seem too popular.

    @Armauld – The shittier Starbucks are in shopping malls because they always seem to be crowded and full of people who want to look like they’re studying, but I asked myself how can they study when it’s so noisy around them.

    @Lex – It must be really good because you’re the third person to mention the blended strawberry lemonade to me. I haven’t tried it yet, but I don’t think it’s on the menu here.

    @Chuck -You can get some caffeine with the banana chocolate one if you get the espresso shot, but it isn’t much.

    @ie – I agree, Starbucks should stick with what they know best…taking over the world.

    @Kylie – If it were a love letter, he would be much steamier, like a Harlequin romance novel with excessive use of the word “manhood.”

    @Molly – We went to the Starbucks at Kahala Mall, but when we got there they ran out of bananas so they gave us a coupon for a free one. These were not worth the effort.

    @K.C – Come on. You got to review the latest and the greatest. Money should be no object. Unless it costs over 20 bucks.

    @Aimee – I never took the Italian school, but I’m pretty sure Vivanno means getting screwed. The Vs represent and orifice, while the I is what screws you.

    @paris herpes – The only smoothie I make is my strawberry banana soy smoothie, which consists of frozen strawberries, one whole banana, peanut butter, ice and Silk Very Vanilla soy milk. It’s the shiznit.

  9. Screw the Vivanno, I want a Marvo smoothie – can you give more detail on that recipe? I think I got the proportions wrong.

  10. I tried the Chocolate banana smoothie today- It really was watery, under-flavored, and just really gross. I let my friend try some, and she almost spit it into the bushes! I would say pass on this, because even though banana chocolate sounds appealing, it isn’t.

  11. @Lex – Thanks for that info. My mouth is puckering with anticipation to try that.

    @Alisha – Mmm… it’s like Mylanta.

    @Shannon – I guess mathematically someone had to like them.

    @phquaryn – 1 cup Silk Very Vanilla soy milk, six medium-sized frozen strawberries, one medium-sized whole banana, a tablespoon of peanut butter, and six ice cubes. Blend well.

    @Mal – I say she should of spit it out into the bushes that way they also get watered.

  12. I can bust out my own protein powder and fruit in my blender at home for waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay less than $4 and way less carbs and sugar. Sheesh!

  13. Maybe its the store because in this small town I have had 3 of the bananna mango and both my husband and I really like them

  14. @Peachy – I wish I were not lazy like you.

    @LUCKYLADY – No, I tried them at another Starbucks later on and they were the same.

  15. I like ‘Bucks vente’ house blend.
    22oz. with a whopping 2200 mils of caffeine for 1.09.
    And refills at .54 you can pee all day while grinding your teeth.

  16. i was offered one of each of these (tiny size w/ tiny straws!) at the Starbucks inside my Kroger grocery store. they aren’t really that horrible but they aren’t worth purchasing. in fact, i really doubt i would take another free one. the orange/banana/mango tastes like bits of those three fruits was blended with water and poured into a cup. the chocolate banana one (why don’t they have a banana-free edition?) tasted like chocolate powder and banana juice. skip them.

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