Taco Bell Melts (Fajita Steak & Jalapeno Chicken)

If there’s one thing Taco Bell is exceptional at it’s coming up with unimaginative products that seem like they were created by blindly taking ingredients from their other menu items, flinging it against a wall and whatever sticks is their new product. Other fast food joints would call that a gift, I call that a pain in the ass for the person who has to clean it up. The Jalapeno Chicken Melt and the Fajita Steak Melt are the two newest culinary clusterfucks from Taco Bell.

The Jalapeno Chicken Melt consisted of rice, two types of cheese, tender grilled chicken, pickled jalapenos, and a sauce that was like a spicy barbeque in between a soft flour tortilla. The jalapeno obviously added heat, but just like trying to have a two-way conversation with Tyra Banks, it overwhelmed everything else and was just annoying. In every single bite there was a jalapeno, which is good for those who enjoy heat, which I do, but it really killed the overall flavor. I could only eat two-thirds of it and didn’t feel like devouring the whole thing, but then I looked at the uneaten piece, thought about the skinny, starving models on America’s Next Top Model, then wondered to myself, “I bet their brains are about this small,” and threw the rest away.

Compared with the Jalapeno Chicken Melt, the Fajita Steak Melt was like music from Sugar Ray — pussy mild. It had the typical ingredients found with most fajitas: steak, onions, red & green peppers, and two types of cheese in a soft flour tortilla. I also think there was a sauce because some kind of liquid kept oozing out of it while I tried to eat it. In this “dish,” and I use that term lightly, the steak was tender and the veggies had a slight crunch despite being pretty limp, but the overall flavor of the Fajita Steak Melt can be described in three words: blah, bland, boring.

Perhaps the most disappointing thing about these Taco Bell Melts is that they aren’t as cheesy as their commercials claim, which show cheese being stretched from the melt into the mouths of people who were paid stick it in their mouths, but neither Taco Bell Melt I ate came close to what was in the commercial. Overall, each melt was decently sized and was like a fiesta in my mouth, if that fiesta had no people, an already cracked pinata without any candy on the ground, empty bottles of tequila, and coolers filled with warm Corona Beer without a lime for miles.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 melt – Fajita Steak Melt – 460 calories, 22 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 1 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 1310 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbs, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 26 grams of protein. Jalapeno Chicken Melt – 520 calories, 22 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 1810 milligrams of sodium, 51 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 29 grams of protein)

Item: Taco Bell Melts (Fajita Steak & Jalapeno Chicken)
Price: $3.29 each
Purchased at: Taco Bell
Rating: 4 out of 10 (Fajita Steak)
Rating: 4 out of 10 (Jalapeno Chicken)
Pros: Decent sized. Chicken and steak were tender. Available for a limited time. The ease of developing future menu items at Taco Bell.
Cons: Not as cheesy as its commercial claims to be. The jalapeno in the Jalapeno Chicken Melt overwhelmed all the other flavors. The Steak Fajita Melt was pretty bland. Trans fat. A fiesta without any people. Trying to have a two-way conversation with Tyra Banks.

23 thoughts on “Taco Bell Melts (Fajita Steak & Jalapeno Chicken)

  1. I’d been wondering about these. Thanks for the review, now I won’t waste money on them…I can instead stick with my favorite old reliables when I decide to eat unhealthy.

  2. Taco Bell gives me diarrhea (sp?). Nuff said.

    Oddly enough, while writing this comment, I was reminded of the fact that I ate Taco Bell yesterday by the feeling of my ass about to explode all over the place. Excuse me, I’ve gotta go crap my brains out. 🙂

  3. Well, thanks. I was contemplating buying the Jalapeno Chicken Melt…and now I won’t. You are a superhero of the culinary world, Marvo.

  4. I tried both of these. I was throwing mud all night Thanks
    Taco bell for cleaning my colon out now I dont have to buy
    colon blow.

  5. I’m just waiting for the Taco Bell/KFC to come up with the cheesey deep fried hot wing burrito topped with gravy.

  6. “I was throwing mud all night.” – classic.

    These look awful. The commercial is not even remotely flattering for the product. Thanks for the review, but I’m sorry you had to endure that miserable product

  7. You know, I don’t think I’ve even seen ads for these..apparently my tv usage needs to go back up.

    The cheese disappointment is understandable…I was super upset when I discovered the cheesy beefy melts did contain rice and not just cheese and beef. It was a sad day.

    But meximelts and a chicken quesadilla is the order of winners anyway.

  8. Toxic Hell has some decent products for the coin they’re asking. I mean, nobody’s gonna mistake them for the Olive Garden, right?? Anyhow, those flat and crunchy things are tasty enough.

  9. Eeuw, I hope you keep a bottle of Pepto Bismol handy in your car. You wouldn’t want to ruin your car seats. The stains would never come out (or so I’ve heard).

    By the way, do you know how to cook? I mean, cook cook, not heat up stuff in your health hazard microwave. Just curious.

  10. @Chuck – No, waste your money on them because I want you to experience what I experienced.

    @edman0037 – Your spelling is correct.

    @Nevis – Yes, instead of bullets, I take burritos.

    @Neil – Somewhere in your comment is possibly the next Taco Bell slogan.

    @luckinflux – And you know either Ace or I will be reviewing that when they do.

    @ChrisP – Enduring miserable products is what we do.

    @Natalie – Don’t forget Double Decker Supreme Tacos!!!

    @ie – Now that you’ve mentioned it, I’m sure it Taco Bell will introduce it sometime soon.

    @alex lifeson – The Double Decker Tacos and the Crunchwraps are the only things I’ve ever gotten excited about at Taco Bell.

    @Molly – I skip the Pepto Bismol because I like to keep it real. So do I know how to cook? I probably know a handful of dishes, but I just bought a cookbook from Amazon so I’m sure I’ll soon know two handfuls of dishes.

    @Aimee – I pretty much think ALL Taco Bell food reminds me of goatse.

  11. if you were trying to make a tyra banks theme, the show she hosts is America’s Next Top Model, not Project Runway.
    taco bell is disgusting.

  12. When you first start a game of World of Warcraft, you will be taken to your race’s starting area. All the races except trolls and gnomes begin in a unique location. Those two races have to share starting locales with the orcs and dwarves, respectively. After watching a brief in-game cutscene introducing your race, you are set loose upon the world.

  13. I am still going to try them, for the hell of it. Does anyone on this thread agree that forgoing one good meal a day to save for designer stuff is worth it?

  14. @thgold – Um…I think you’re at the wrong blog or you just love WoW so much that it’s all you refer to.

    @Nicole – I think forgoing one good meal a day to save for rent is worth it.

    @Alisha – They do look nasty, but putting a paper bag over them helped.

  15. Awful…had the chicken one and barfed fire 2 hours later! All you could taste was jalapenos. I love them, but it was just too much. This coming from a girl who ets sick like this NEVER.

  16. I was all about the Jalapeno Chicken Melt when I saw it on the menu. I have to agree with Rebecca on this one and I love jalapenos. It was super nasty, I ate about 1/4 of it and had to pick the remaining jalapenos out of it to see what it really tasted like. Well, it still sucked with and without the jalapenos.

  17. @NillaWafer – Yes, the Taco Bell workers were a little overzealous with the jalapenos. It definitely had potential to be a good Taco Bell item, but those jalapenos totally killed it.

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