Happy Fourth Birthday!!! + PRIZE DRAWING

Dear TIB,

Today, you turned four years old. Pretty soon you won’t be wetting your bed on a regular basis, your teeth will start falling out, and I’ll take you out for trick-or-treating, dressing you up in a ridiculous costume for Halloween that you’ll be embarrassed about when you’re significantly older. I’ll probably turn you into Yoda, a koala, or put you in a mini Hot Dog on a Stick uniform. Thankfully, you’re not big enough to kick my ass, because I would if our roles were reversed.

You’ve grown well over the past four years, but I wish I could say the same for myself. Raising you has been a rewarding, but demanding process that I wish didn’t involve so much consumption of fast food and energy drinks. However, it’s what you want and as your guardian I need to provide it to you because if I don’t, you’re going to whine as loud as an air raid siren. But I just want you to remember that you can’t get everything in life by just whining, because eventually the only thing that your whining will get you is a hard spank on your rear end.

So what does the future hold? Well I’m hoping to give you a brother or a sister to play with, but I’m not sure when that’s going to happen. Dealing with two of you would be a big responsibility and I don’t know if I’m ready for it yet, but when I do decide I’ll let you know.

We’re going to celebrate your birthday the same way we’ve celebrated your past birthdays by holding a prize drawing. For your fourth birthday, we’re going to give away four (4) mystery boxes, filled with items that we’ve reviewed over the past four years. The contents of each mystery box will be different.

To enter the drawing, TIB readers will have to leave a comment for this post with the words, “Happy Birthday TIB” and whatever else they would like to say. They should fill out the email field, because IÒ€ℒll be emailing the winners for their mailing address.

We will start accepting entries for the drawing on Saturday, August 9, 2008 and stop accepting entries on Saturday, August 16, 2008 (11:59 Hawaii Standard Time). Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is open to EVERYONE (Thank goodness for USPS Flat Rate boxes).

The winners will be determined in a way that has not been decided. It will probably be lame.

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about getting a free iPhone. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you information about how you can apply for a Disney credit card with your favorite character on it. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, the results of the upcoming US presidential election, or your iPhone freezing.

Anyhoo, TIB, you’re the best thing that’s happened in my life…okay, I’m lying about that, but you’re probably in the top 5…okay, definitely in the top 10.

Love,
Papa

284 thoughts on “Happy Fourth Birthday!!! + PRIZE DRAWING

  1. Happy Birthday! Four years? Really? I should get a life and get away from computer. It just doesn’t seem like that long. (That’s what she said.)

  2. Happy Birthday TIB, my most favoritest web site in the whole world! I hope you have many much more years of fun to read reviews!

  3. Happy Birthday, TIB! How big is TIB? SOOOOO BIG! How big is TIB? SOOOOO BIG! That’s right! You’re so big!!

    (No need to smack me in the face — I just did it myself. Ow.)

  4. Happy Birthday TIB.

    I love you so much…
    Marvo and Ace are dreamy.
    Keep reviews coming.

    On your 10th birthday I’ll write a sonnet.

  5. Happy Birthday TIB! I found out about you like two months ago but I love you dearly just the same.

  6. Happy Birthday TIB! Thank you for alerting me to new junk foods etc… that I just can’t live without or that I should avoid at all costs. Looking forward to many more product updates in the future.

  7. Happy Birthday, TIB!

    And thanks to my husband who sent me the link originally. Apparently he doesn’t actually WORK while at work.

  8. Happy birthday TIB! This is definitely a great day to be born; today is my birthday as well (I promise I’m not lying, it really is my birthday!). I feel so proud and blessed to share a birthday with TIB.

  9. Happy birthday TIB! Always entertaining, always a good distraction from what I should actually be doing. Here’s to another four years!

  10. Happy birthday To You, You live in a zoo, some impulses are a bit iffy but that’s why they review.

    Yes verrryyy cheesy, thank you πŸ™‚

    HappY Bday TIB

  11. Happy Birthday, TIB!

    I’m so glad I don’t produce any food products, so I don’t have to worry about you making sexual innuendos regarding them…

    Keep reviewin’ and I’ll keep viewin’

  12. Happy Birthday, TIB!

    We’re such new friends, I’m glad I found you. Thank you for not ignoring me on the playground in my time of need.

  13. Happy birthday TIB – thanks for the down-to-earth and downright humorous food reviews! Keep up the good work!

  14. Happy Birthday TIB !
    Happy Birthday TIB !
    Happy Birthday TIB !
    Happy Birthday TIB ! (for all those years I’ve missed.)

  15. Happy Birthday TIB.

    I’ve only recently come across your wonder, but have already become a frequent viewer. =D

  16. awwww its so cute to hear a man who adores his child. your such a proud papa!

    Happy Birthday TIB!!!!

  17. Happy Birthday TIB!!
    Thank you for your humor and for poor Marvo and Ace always taking one for the team and saving us countless calories and money by being our taste testers!

  18. Happy Birthday TIB! I still remember those days when you were just a baby HTML text document. Now look at you…

  19. I have only recently run into you, but you have made me chuckle many times. I hope you get taller soon though, so you won’t keep looking up my nose. Gross.

    Happy Birthday TIB. Now go put on your Spiderman underwear and have a tantrum.

  20. Happy Birthday TIB!
    Especially when said birthday = potential loot.
    Thanks for sharing, Marvo.
    And for all your sexy reviews.

  21. Happy Birthday TIB! Thanks for making every trip to the grocery store/gas station/fast food restaurant like a scavenger hunt!

  22. Happy birthday TIB! soon youll be going to half day kindergarten – youve grown up so fast!

  23. Happy Birthday TIB! Everyday I check to see when you rate a new item, as a matter a fact I’m subscribed to you through RSS feed! You guys are awesome and I appreciate what you do.

  24. I wish you a Happy Birthday, TIB
    Such a fan you have in me…
    Your reviews are enticing
    I wanna lick off the icing
    of this cake of glutton and glee.

  25. Happy b-day to TIB! heres looking forward to another fantastic year of reviews and debauchery!

  26. Happy Birthday TIB!

    Sorry you don’t have a momma — but some families are different and special. *hug*

  27. Happy Birthday TIB!

    Here’s to many more years of reviewing the Truly Tasteful Treats to the Discusting Delicious Delicacies!

    Cheers!

  28. Happy Birthday TIB!

    Thank you for many reviews on food that I will probably never eat nor want to look at again! πŸ™‚
    Your site brings much humor and nausea to my life! lol

  29. Happy Birthday TIB!

    This site has gotten me through a many a boring day at work and I really appreciate the humor and goofiness that I can revel in whilst dealing with the general public who are really really really really really annoying. Never work at a public library.

  30. Happy Birthday, TIB.

    Actually, I still call you “Tibbie,” but you’re only four. Probably by the time you start first grade I’ll be able to call you by your big-boy name.

    Being four years old will be a lot of fun. For instance, you may get to go to pre-school, which SOUNDS like school, but is really just a bunch of playing with fun stuff and new friends. Also, new friends means more birthday parties to be invited to, which means more cake and ice cream. In fact, you may get to average two birthday parties a month!

    Unfortunately, all those parties can get pretty expensive when your daddy has to buy presents. Luckily, your daddy will probably just have you give away the junk food and energy drinks that he doesn’t like. Your friends’ parents will LOVE that their kids get junk food and energy drinks! And your friends will love them, too.

    Have a great year.

    Love,
    D.I.G.
    (You can still call me Diggie if you want.)

  31. Happy Birthday TIB!! This site is the best- lets me know if things are worth the try with such humor. πŸ™‚ Thanks!!

  32. TIB Happy Birthday!!!

    *Hopes for the prize to be the tater tots that always come up when I google “Impulse Buy”*

  33. Happiest of Returns on your Day of mental Conception TIB! Its been a great ride thus far and it only gets better! …or is that more constipated. Eather way, its been a real slice.

  34. Happy Birthday TIB! i found this site a few months ago and read through it in one night. i laughed, i cried.. oh TIB, where would i be without you? probably outside, actually having a life but nevermind, i don’t blame you for domesticating me.

    keep it up!

  35. Happy Birthday TIB! Thanks for the years of turning me onto things I would have never known existed and/or would have never tried without your snarky reviews!

  36. Happy Birthday TIB! So many years, so many memories of my family seeing me read the site and thinking I’m a fat ass because I’m reading about hot pockets, random Taco Bell products, McDonald’s desserts, and Pop tarts…..And then their general confusion at me watching a video of a man being waxed. Good times, my friend, good times.

  37. Happy Birthday TIB!!! May you continue to bring hilarious reviews to bored housewives with nothing better to do than read the posts on your site.

  38. Happy Birthday TIB! You make me laugh each and everyday! I think that it’d be awesome if you had a brother or a sister, but you gotta wait til Papa is ready. Have a great bday kiddo!

  39. Happy 4th Birthday TIB.

    Keep the awesome reviews coming. You give me the much needed lift while on break from accounting class πŸ™‚

  40. HAPPY 4th BIRTHDAY The Impulsive BuyI have only known you a few short months and do not comment much, but I promise to be a good friend and stop by more often.

  41. Happy Birthday TIB! You’ve single handedly raised your parents cholesterol and, in some cases, dangerously accelerated their heart rates, all while destroying their stomach linings. I hope they got you an ice cream cake.

  42. Happy Birthday TIB! Sorry about that thing with your uncle. He didn’t know your system wasn’t acclimated to vegetables.

  43. aww, happy birthday TIB! you warm my icy, evil heart whilst telling me about products that would merely clog it will delicious fatty chemicals. and for that i cherish you.

  44. Oh! Happy birthday TIB! Eventually you’ll understand what I meant by growing pains. Have fun with those teen years learn curse other afflicted by it after you’ve gracefully left it in your 20 start a web 4.0 page. Too long? Maybe.

  45. Happy Birthday TIB!
    Your always amazing reviews of things I have tried, wanted to try, or never will try, always leave me rolling around in laughter.
    Yay ACE!
    Yay MARVO!
    Live long and prosper.

  46. Happy Birthday TIB.

    I remember when I found you, and my life changed forever.

    I am simply an addict of this site, made my birthday even better when you updated on it!

  47. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIB! I’m glad someone else shares my compulsion to try anything with the word “NEW!” on it.

  48. happy birthday TIB! I had no idea you were only 4, because I swear I’ve been reading on and off for probably 3 years. (No worries now, though, after reading way too long/forgetting about the site for a few months and realizing I haven’t checked it, I realized I’m an idiot and added the RSS feed..)

  49. Happy Birthday TIB! I just discovered this blog a few days ago to get an accurate review of crappy McDonalds sandwiches and so far everything I’ve read has been great. I had also been wanting to know what those green tea flavored kit-kats are like and now I feel that I can go on living. Thanks!!

  50. Happy Birthday, TIB!

    You make those long workdays so much brighter for me, and so much more uncomfortable for my coworkers who are forced to contemplate whether my stifled giggles are a sign of latent schizophrenia.

  51. Happy Birthday! I love this site and spent a few hours getting caught up since I just found it this year, haha.

  52. TIB gets on average 20 comments per post. This one has like 150. Clearly people aren’t commenting because they don’t love you as much as the core group of 20.

    Happy birthday, TIB, I love you more than most.

  53. Happy Birthday TIB

    4 years already damn πŸ™‚ here’s to you and and lots more Impulsive buying, cheers

  54. Happy Birthday TIB!

    I’m so happy to have discovered you about three years ago, and thank you for informing me about good (and not-so-good) new products!

  55. Ò€œHappy Birthday TIBÒ€
    I Love trying random new things too! and come here to read about new things i cant get ahold of in the uk. Love the site! keep it going.

  56. Happy Birthday TIB

    I remember when I first stumbled upon you… after seeing the coffee flavored doublemint sitting on the counter at the 7-11 in ewa beach…

    Congrats!

  57. Happy Birthday TIB. Although i only got to know you after your terrible twos, you bring joy into my horrendous days at work.

  58. Happy Birthday TIB! You will always hold a special place in my Favorites on my work computer..

  59. Happy Birthday TIB!

    Here’s hoping there are plenty more witty, sarcastic, smart-assed reviews to come.

  60. Happy Birthday TIB! πŸ™‚ And Marvo, you’re the best thing that’s happened to my life. Well, top 10.

    Okay, top 5,000.

  61. Happy birthday TIB! Wow–four years! That’s so cool. . . I’ve tried to read all the reviews because you influence my purchases. Thank you! πŸ™‚

  62. Happy birfemday TIB! You don’t look a day over 3, and your hair is fabulous. Thank you for being you.

    Now I can go be sick.

  63. Happy Birthday TIB! You’re entertaining and funny, and I look forward to your updates. πŸ™‚

  64. Happy Birthday TIB! I love this site [squee!], even though half the products on here never show up on store shelves where I live. *pout*

  65. Happy Birthday TIB!!!!!!!!!!!! Love this site πŸ™‚ I’m a sucker for new things, so it’s good to read a review before I impulsively buy something that’s rather gross πŸ˜€

  66. Dear TIB
    you are special to me, I lost my commenting (commenter?) virginity to you. I hope you live for many years to come. I hope that somehow Marvo and Ace start doing reviews on Dutch products so I can share some of the magic.
    Happy Birthday TIB and besos to you

  67. Happy Birthday, TIB!

    As always, thanks for the reviews! I’m sure you saved me from many digestive issues…

  68. Happy Birthday TIB!
    Reading your website has cost the company I work for an estimated $570 from wages paid to me while I’ve been slacking off!

  69. Ò€œHappy Birthday TIBÒ€ and whatever else they would like to say

    Why yes, in fact, I do have a smart mouth. My mother always said so.

  70. Happy Birthday TIB!

    I will starve to death if I don’t win, I must have this shipment of food! no matter how bad the cons were, i’ll deal with it!

  71. Happy birthday, TIB! I hope that the next four years turn out just as well as the past ones have. And that you keep reviewing all the weird things you can possibly eat.

  72. Happy Birthday, TIB. You should give yourself a colonic and spend a week at the gym to prepare yourself for another 4 years of ridiculous food consumption.

  73. Tanjyobi Omedetoo Gozaimasu, TIB! Wait, does that count? No? No love for the foreign language? Fine. Happy Birthday, TIB….you hunka hunka burning time-waster, you.

  74. Happy Birthday TIB! So much better than adequate reviews about incredibly inadequately nutrition’d foodstuffs!

    Peek-a-boo ‘n’ shit!

  75. Happy Birthday TIB

    Thanks for saving me lots of $$$ by trying out the products I want to only to find out they are nasty!!!

  76. Happy Birthday TIB

    Thanks for saving me lots of $$$ by trying out the products I want to only to find out they are nasty!!!

  77. Happy birthday TIB! I might mention that, until I thought about the acronym, I thought TIB was actually a person.

  78. Happy Birthday TIB! It’s my birthday today AND I was also born in Hawaii just like you, but I’m considerably older than your sweetly juvenile 4 years. Hope you continue to post for many years to come!

  79. Happy birthday, TIB!!!… Awww, so cute, and growing up so fast…!

    …Wait a minute… NO, Marvo, don’t even THINK about it!!!… Stop eyeing those handcuffs…

  80. Happy Birthday TIB!

    I would have been here sooner, but I was recovering from my birthday. Of course, I’m slightly older than you. =) I hope you don’t become a crabby old site like some others out there. Remember – you have to grow old, but you don’t have to grow up!

  81. Happy Birthday, TIB!

    As a poor college student, your reviews have saved me from spending my – very little – money badly. Here’s to many more!

  82. Happy birthday, TIB! aw, you’re a Leo- a good thing to be. I am so glad to have found you so that I can better determine which stupid impulse buys are at least marginally worth it. I’m waiting for the day when you’ve reviewed the entire contents of the grocery store, so that I can just go aisle by aisle with a list of 5 star products and let you do the shopping for me. come on, review lettuce next! I’ve heard a lot of hype but I need to know your thoughts before I can decide.

  83. Wishing you lots of snacks that don’t suck, beverages that don’t make you want to blow chunks, and a young unmarried barrista who can provide you with the firm yet caring guidance you so clearly require.

    Happy Birthday, TIB. And many more.

  84. OK TIB. Happy Birthday TIB…but I feel like a lame poser because I only just found your [father’s?] site through the new PC Magazine article about undiscovered websites. So, I assume…you are human, a four year old boy, and your father is nuts about you. I wonder what he will do for your subsequent siblings’ birthdays. It is always hard to see past the first precious child. I know, I have three sons. They are the greatest.

  85. Happy Birthday TIB!!! Love your reviews and have actually tried some of the items you’ve tested!

  86. Happy Birthday TIB!

    Ah, what would I ever do without your witty and informative reviews on edible products?

    I’d end up spending lots of money on bad tasting food.

    Thanks for the service you provide to all people who eat!

  87. Happy Birthday TIB!!! I’ve loved the site since I accidentally ran across the barbecue vienna sausage article.

  88. Happy Birthday TIB! My birthday is on August 31st, so a box full of possibly noxious food stuff would make me happy. I don’t know what you want for your birthday, but I can provide almost anything that isn’t either expensive or a sexual favor.

  89. Happy Birthday TIB!
    wow..has it really been 4 years..wowzers.. *yeh i’m that corny)…well to many more years of heart burn..icky tastes and yummy things to come! πŸ˜€

  90. Super Happy Birthday Go-Go! Thanks for giving me all the laughs thought I’d so some respect.

    And hey if you ever need another guy to review, I’m sarcastic/humor-ish, and eat stuff. Hell I’m kinda surprised I don’t have a Noble Peace prize for all those accomplishments…

  91. Happy Birthday, TIB!! After four years of ignoring your advice, I may consider actually listening to you this year. Actually, your advice is mostly spot on, and it is the blog to which I most look forward each day. Four more years, four more years.

  92. Happy birthday TIB!

    You’ve saved me from eating a lot of fast food I might have otherwise tried. Thanks.

  93. Happy Birthday TIB!

    Congratulations of the sparkle of a baby sister/brother in your eye! If you were ever to spawn, I’d follow the life and times of your zygotes, Marvo. Just don’t make the blog baby about something lame like flower pressing techniques. Dandelions are something to be consumed in a pickled form on TIB, not pressed between books and preserved for all time.

    Cheers!

  94. Happy Birthday TIB!

    Oh please let me win the Jack in the Box Breakfast bowl. I have no will to live.

  95. What are you gonna eat to celebrate? Something by Sara Lee? Some kind of revamped Twinky product?

    Anyway, Happy Birthday TIB! You have spared me from many digestive issues while simultaneously encouraging my culinary laziness. And I loves your shtick.

  96. Happy Birthday TIB! Pretty soon Old Age will have you wetting the bed again..enjoy as many years of dry sheets as you can!

  97. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIB!!!

    i promise you, if i win, i’ll send you a large size pizza worth of strawberry marshmellow pizza slices…

    or not.

  98. Happy Birthday TIB!

    Thanks for continuing to entertain and sometimes gross me out. That Jack in the Box breakfast looks sick.

    Always fun to stop by for a read!

  99. Happy Birthday TIB
    As always, keep up the hilariously true posts, and the ones that aren’t so hilarious, or true.

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