Taco Bell Volcano Taco

Why must Taco Bell insist on painting the taco shell red for their Volcano Taco to let you know that it’s spicy? Most of us are probably functionally retarded during the times we’re eating there at two in the morning, but it doesn’t give them carte blanche to rub it in our faces. We shouldn’t take this lying down, no matter how fat and lazy their food has made us!

This is Taco Bell flipping us off with one hand and biting their thumb with the other. We already knew that their product wasn’t healthy, but now they’re basically admitting the food is by no means real or to be taken seriously. You might as well swing by the drive-thru window and ask for a cup of Play-Doh so you can make your own taco shells at home.

Aside from the food coloring, I was excited about the prospect of a new affordable taco with a “cheesy lava sauce” that would allow me to spew fire and blow smoke from my head. As I was figuring out the logistics of trying how to make a taco stand up for a picture, I had two of my buds perform an informal taste test.

The first looked rather disgusted and deadpanned that it “tastes like old mayonnaise” as he reached for a bottle of beer.

The second response started off more promising. “I like it better than a regular taco,” he nodded, before continuing, “I’d probably give it a 4 out of 10.”

Apparently, he doesn’t like Taco Bell’s regular tacos very much.

I agree with his score, but not with his original assessment. Taco Bell’s original tacos are unabashedly generic Tex-Mex tacos, but they typically hit the spot. Even doused with hot sauce, the smattering of iceberg lettuce does an admirable job of being a refreshing palate cleanser.

With the Volcano Taco, the cheese sauce overwhelms all of the other ingredients and leaves you with a rather tangy aftertaste. I wouldn’t say that it tastes like bad mayonnaise, but it does have a pretty thick and heavy mouth feel which threw me off a bit. In regards to the heat, I’d say that the red shell warning was unnecessary. It’s moderately spicy, but it’s not anything that will have you blowing fire or reaching for the nearest icy beverage.

Unless, of course, it’s to wash the taste out of your mouth.

(Nutritional Facts – 1 taco – 240 calories, 150 calories from fat, 17 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 490 milligrams sodium, 14 gram of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.)

(Editor’s Note: The folks at Fast Food Critic also reviewed the red-shelled one.)

Item: Taco Bell Volcano Taco
Price: 89 cents
Purchased at: Taco Bell
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Cheaper than most of their items that come with cheese sauce. Moderately spicy. The ability to breathe fire.
Cons: Not nearly as spicy as advertised. Tangier and thicker sauce than I expected. Sauce masks the taste of lettuce, beef, and shredded cheese. Aftertaste is not pleasant.

35 thoughts on “Taco Bell Volcano Taco

  1. Did Network go to school to come up with sentances like “Author is a fucking RETARD.”? At least slap a “the” at the front of it.

  2. After reading yet another hurtful and ignorant reference to being “retarded” I quit reading. Obviously reviewer isn’t intelligent enough to write a review without including such an insulting piece of slang. Too bad.

  3. @Anna – As the one who edits the reviews, I didn’t feel Ace meant “retarded” as a slang, but rather using it as a synonym for not being able to think clearly or slowly process information, after all at two in the morning, I know I’m pretty slow mentally. Sure, Ace could’ve used a different word, and next time we will be aware of that, but I really don’t think he intentionally used that word to make fun of mentally challenged people. If you think so, I understand, because everyone has a different interpretation with writing. Some people think William Faulkner is one of the greatest American writers ever, but I think his “stream of consciousness” style of writing is boring and makes me want to blow my brains out. But also, this is The Impulsive Buy and I just did a review about a toothpaste that I said looks like shit. I also once did a whole review that mostly consisted of porn movie titles. If those don’t offend you, but this does, then I don’t quite comprehend that because you’re being selective with your political correctness. I’m sorry that you feel the way you do, but I believe that Ace did not use that word in a harmful way.

  4. First of all, sorry guys, this week I have been busy as hell at school and promised myself that I’d graduate even if it means neglecting my beloved readers every once in a while.

    Secondly, it’s getting old reading that I should be ashamed of how/what I write every couple reviews. When used in context, “retarded” is a perfectly acceptable word that shouldn’t offend anyone. Could I have used “impaired” or “slowed down”? Probably, but the people offended should probably find the nearest dictionary before they get on their high horse.

  5. People who still get offended by things they see on the Internet are funny.

    Taco Bell shouldn’t be allowed to combine two of the awesomest things in the world (lava and cheese) because we all know they will fuck it up.

  6. Am I the only one who loves these? I really could care less about the shell color. The sauce on the otherhand is great!!! I really do hope they keep these on the menu or at least keep the “lava sauce” around.

  7. I tried one earlier today and thought it was just alright. I’m a big Taco Bell fan (and it’s pretty much the only fast food I’ll let myself eat every once in a while), so anytime I see something new on the menu I feel an instant craving and NEED to try it. For 89 cents, it wasn’t bad. It was basically just like a regular taco with some mild cheese sauce. That’s what disappointed me so much. I was expecting something a lot hotter. It wasn’t even close to being as hot as a regular taco doused in fire sauce, which is pretty mild to begin with. Maybe I got a bad one because I barely saw any sauce on the thing, but I definitely expected something a lot hotter (especially with that completely misleading red shell). I expect there will never be a volcano soft shell taco, either.

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