Taco Bell Volcano Taco
By Ace | September 7, 2008
Why must Taco Bell insist on painting the taco shell red for their Volcano Taco to let you know that it’s spicy? Most of us are probably functionally retarded during the times we’re eating there at two in the morning, but it doesn’t give them carte blanche to rub it in our faces. We shouldn’t take this lying down, no matter how fat and lazy their food has made us!
This is Taco Bell flipping us off with one hand and biting their thumb with the other. We already knew that their product wasn’t healthy, but now they’re basically admitting the food is by no means real or to be taken seriously. You might as well swing by the drive-thru window and ask for a cup of Play-Doh so you can make your own taco shells at home.
Aside from the food coloring, I was excited about the prospect of a new affordable taco with a “cheesy lava sauce” that would allow me to spew fire and blow smoke from my head. As I was figuring out the logistics of trying how to make a taco stand up for a picture, I had two of my buds perform an informal taste test.
The first looked rather disgusted and deadpanned that it “tastes like old mayonnaise” as he reached for a bottle of beer.
The second response started off more promising. “I like it better than a regular taco,” he nodded, before continuing, “I’d probably give it a 4 out of 10.”
Apparently, he doesn’t like Taco Bell’s regular tacos very much.
I agree with his score, but not with his original assessment. Taco Bell’s original tacos are unabashedly generic Tex-Mex tacos, but they typically hit the spot. Even doused with hot sauce, the smattering of iceberg lettuce does an admirable job of being a refreshing palate cleanser.
With the Volcano Taco, the cheese sauce overwhelms all of the other ingredients and leaves you with a rather tangy aftertaste. I wouldn’t say that it tastes like bad mayonnaise, but it does have a pretty thick and heavy mouth feel which threw me off a bit. In regards to the heat, I’d say that the red shell warning was unnecessary. It’s moderately spicy, but it’s not anything that will have you blowing fire or reaching for the nearest icy beverage.
Unless, of course, it’s to wash the taste out of your mouth.
(Nutritional Facts - 1 taco - 240 calories, 150 calories from fat, 17 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 490 milligrams sodium, 14 gram of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.)
(Editor’s Note: The folks at Fast Food Critic also reviewed the red-shelled one.)
Item: Taco Bell Volcano Taco
Price: 89 cents
Purchased at: Taco Bell
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Cheaper than most of their items that come with cheese sauce. Moderately spicy. The ability to breathe fire.
Cons: Not nearly as spicy as advertised. Tangier and thicker sauce than I expected. Sauce masks the taste of lettuce, beef, and shredded cheese. Aftertaste is not pleasant.
Topics: 4 Rating, Fast Food, Food, Taco Bell | |
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September 7th, 2008 at 8:52 PM
I usually have red tacos, since I have sundried tomato flavoured shells.. but if it’s just red, that’s kind of silly. Plus Taco Bell kind of sucks.
September 7th, 2008 at 9:42 PM
I almost tried these the other day, but I couldnt get over the fuschia taco.
September 7th, 2008 at 11:26 PM
Someday, at some fast food chain, they will sell a habanero taco. And I will be standing in line to buy one.
September 8th, 2008 at 1:35 AM
Most disgusting looking taco ever. And that include hootenannies, too.
September 8th, 2008 at 1:44 AM
I tried one last night. It was kind of disappointing. The red shell really didn’t add anything. But at 99 cents it’s cheap and red, so it’s like (insert cheap hooker joke here).
September 8th, 2008 at 2:52 AM
I was going to go on about how gross it looked then I got the $0.89 price and I stopped dead. You can barely buy a slice of bread for 89 cents these days. I don’t even know how that covers the cost of the food coloring they use.
September 8th, 2008 at 7:08 AM
That’s a week looking taco… give me a cheesy gordita crunch any day…
September 8th, 2008 at 8:14 AM
my 89 cents are better spent on a single piece of fried chicken at my GOURMET grocery. Probably healthier, too. :P
September 8th, 2008 at 9:09 AM
Glad I opted for my number 8 with a Pepsi the other night. I saw the poster of those and it almost made me drive right on through without even ordering anything.
Bonus points for anyone who can tell me what the number 8 is!
September 8th, 2008 at 9:10 AM
When my husband and I first saw the commercial for these, his response was “Why would they name it volcano? That just makes me think I’m going to be spewing (vomit) like a volcano.” I, on the other hand, envisioned volcanic/explosive diarrhea.
Sorry for the awful descriptions, but neither of us pictured anything positive. From the sounds of the reviews you and your buds gave, we were probably right on the mark.
September 8th, 2008 at 12:32 PM
Is it the mexican pizza combo? I love those flat s.o.b.s!
September 8th, 2008 at 2:16 PM
When I saw this taco at the drive though the other night. I want to throw my 74 Pinto into reverse and drive wide open though taco bells show room window. However i just ordered
3 crispy tacos and a Diet Pepsi and went home. But I wanted to do it.
September 8th, 2008 at 2:28 PM
I think I’d rather have a regular Taco Bell taco than the Volcano. That sauce is awful. I had high hopes in spite of the silly red shell because I thought it might approach the glory and all around spicy goodness of the Four-Alarm Double Decker Taco (b.1995, d.1995). Instead it is a molten fountain of vomit on its delicious cousin’s grave. Oh how I wish some dark taco necromancer could bring my beloved back to life.
September 8th, 2008 at 2:44 PM
Taco Bell is the most disgusting shit… pleh.
September 8th, 2008 at 2:44 PM
I’ve seen these in taco bell, the shells just . . .stand out for all the wrong reasons
September 8th, 2008 at 3:14 PM
The minute I saw these I knew The Impulsive Buy would review them ! I thought the red taco shell was like a Dorito and that’s what made the taco spicy. It would be cool if you could get your taco shell in different colors like pink or blue.
September 8th, 2008 at 4:26 PM
Author is a fucking RETARD.
hopefully he/she didn’t go to school to rag on Taco Bell.
September 8th, 2008 at 7:04 PM
I stopped going to Taco Bell when I discovered Taco Cabana. Cheap, GOOD tex mex.
September 8th, 2008 at 8:33 PM
@Network - Please don’t be a fucking DICKTARD.
September 8th, 2008 at 9:42 PM
I’m wondering if this is spicy enough to induce firepoo. Guess I’ll have to try it myself.
September 9th, 2008 at 5:21 AM
Did Network go to school to come up with sentances like “Author is a fucking RETARD.”? At least slap a “the” at the front of it.
September 9th, 2008 at 11:26 AM
Ha! Sentences! I think we can all agree that Armauld needs to go back to school.
September 9th, 2008 at 11:36 AM
After reading yet another hurtful and ignorant reference to being “retarded” I quit reading. Obviously reviewer isn’t intelligent enough to write a review without including such an insulting piece of slang. Too bad.
September 9th, 2008 at 1:07 PM
@Anna - As the one who edits the reviews, I didn’t feel Ace meant “retarded” as a slang, but rather using it as a synonym for not being able to think clearly or slowly process information, after all at two in the morning, I know I’m pretty slow mentally. Sure, Ace could’ve used a different word, and next time we will be aware of that, but I really don’t think he intentionally used that word to make fun of mentally challenged people. If you think so, I understand, because everyone has a different interpretation with writing. Some people think William Faulkner is one of the greatest American writers ever, but I think his “stream of consciousness” style of writing is boring and makes me want to blow my brains out. But also, this is The Impulsive Buy and I just did a review about a toothpaste that I said looks like shit. I also once did a whole review that mostly consisted of porn movie titles. If those don’t offend you, but this does, then I don’t quite comprehend that because you’re being selective with your political correctness. I’m sorry that you feel the way you do, but I believe that Ace did not use that word in a harmful way.
September 9th, 2008 at 2:36 PM
[...] The Impulsive Buy reviews Taco Bell’s Volcano Taco. [...]
September 9th, 2008 at 4:36 PM
First of all, sorry guys, this week I have been busy as hell at school and promised myself that I’d graduate even if it means neglecting my beloved readers every once in a while.
Secondly, it’s getting old reading that I should be ashamed of how/what I write every couple reviews. When used in context, “retarded” is a perfectly acceptable word that shouldn’t offend anyone. Could I have used “impaired” or “slowed down”? Probably, but the people offended should probably find the nearest dictionary before they get on their high horse.
September 9th, 2008 at 4:52 PM
People who still get offended by things they see on the Internet are funny.
Taco Bell shouldn’t be allowed to combine two of the awesomest things in the world (lava and cheese) because we all know they will fuck it up.
September 10th, 2008 at 6:52 AM
Am I the only one who loves these? I really could care less about the shell color. The sauce on the otherhand is great!!! I really do hope they keep these on the menu or at least keep the “lava sauce” around.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:45 AM
[...] Review of this mess here. [...]
September 12th, 2008 at 4:44 PM
Its the best thing ever ive ate like 12 of them..i give it 10!
September 16th, 2008 at 2:57 AM
Ah. Taco Bell has now has a pink taco.
September 18th, 2008 at 3:41 PM
That volcano taco is a frigin joke, its not even hot. your paying for advertising.
September 18th, 2008 at 3:42 PM
YOU’LL BE SHITTIN’ FIRE N’ PISSIN’ LAVA!
September 18th, 2008 at 6:34 PM
I tried one earlier today and thought it was just alright. I’m a big Taco Bell fan (and it’s pretty much the only fast food I’ll let myself eat every once in a while), so anytime I see something new on the menu I feel an instant craving and NEED to try it. For 89 cents, it wasn’t bad. It was basically just like a regular taco with some mild cheese sauce. That’s what disappointed me so much. I was expecting something a lot hotter. It wasn’t even close to being as hot as a regular taco doused in fire sauce, which is pretty mild to begin with. Maybe I got a bad one because I barely saw any sauce on the thing, but I definitely expected something a lot hotter (especially with that completely misleading red shell). I expect there will never be a volcano soft shell taco, either.
September 20th, 2008 at 10:18 AM
haha, hilarious review. lol@the pc retards.