Nabisco Newtons Fruit Crisps

I’m calling the Nabisco Newtons Fruit Crisps the Pop-Tarts nano because they look like a skinnier and smaller version of an unfrosted Kellogg’s Pop-Tart, much like the iPod nano is a skinnier and smaller version of the iPod classic. Actually, the Newtons Fruit Crisps and the iPod nano are the same size at 3.5 inches long and 1.5 inches wide. However, unlike the iPod nano which comes in a pride flag of colors, the Newtons Fruit Crisps only come in two flavors: Mixed Berry and Apple Cinnamon.

Unlike Pop-Tarts, which need to be toasted in order to be crispy, these Fruit Crisps were crunchy crumbalistic right out of the box, although perhaps a little too crumbalistic, which makes using a plate necessary, unless you’re fond of creatures that enjoy eating stuff off of the floor, like cockroaches, rats and a drunk David Hasselhoff. The filling inside each crisp is made with real fruit in a puree form, but despite the use of real fruit, the flavors weren’t very strong in either of them. I don’t know if that was because of the somewhat low amount of sugar in each bar or because the outer shell has the ability to weaken taste, like kryptonite does to Superman or Sanrio products does to my machismo.

Both flavors were decent. The Apple Cinnamon one had a flavor similar to what I imagine a diet apple pie tastes like, while the mixed berry, which contained blueberry, raspberry, strawberry, and blackberry puree, tasted like a certain Pop-Tarts flavor that I couldn’t put my finger on, but will probably remember months from now when I’m in the shower and these Fruit Crisps are discontinued.

According to the box, each pack of the Newtons Fruit Crisps has 100 calories, which is the magic number many snack companies have been using to promote appropriate portion sizes and calorie control. It’s also a number I tend to ignore because as someone in peak physical shape and has a metabolism that would make an 18-year-old cry, I can burn 100 calories by brushing my teeth or typing one of the many run-on sentences I have a habit of creating.

Nah! Who am I kidding? The only thing I can do in my “peak physical shape” is change the channel and then take a nap. I wonder how many calories changing a channel takes?

(Nutrition Facts – 1 package – Apple Cinnamon – 100 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 20 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 8 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein, 15% calcium, and 4% iron. Mixed Berry – 100 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 20 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 8 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein, 15% calcium, and 4% iron.)

(Editor’s Note: The good folks at Snackerrific also reviewed the Newtons Fruit Crisps.)

Item: Nabisco Newtons Fruit Crisps
Price: $3.50 each
Size: 8 pack
Purchased at: Star Market
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Decent taste. Crunchy without the need for a toaster. 100 calories per pack. No trans or saturated fat. Made with real fruit, although in puree form. Watching David Hasselhoff eat a cheeseburger on the floor. My poor physical shape.
Cons: Small in size. Flavors seemed muted. Sanrio products. Need a plate to eat them. Eating an iPod nano. Watching David Hasselhoff eat a cheeseburger on the floor.

14 thoughts to “Nabisco Newtons Fruit Crisps”

  1. Hmm…Newtons without fig jam filling. Blasphemy! I’ll stick with my skin-on fried chicken for my breakfast on the go, thanks very much.

  2. Actually, these look pretty darn good. I very rarely say that about an Impulsive Buy review.

    I think I’ll cover these in icing, throw them in the toaster and pretend I’m a giant eating regular-sized Pop-Tarts.

  3. If Newton’s wanted to make more money with new spin-off products, they would probably have more luck selling the fig jam in jars than this business. Phooey!

  4. I’m going to have to try these. I’ve got a pathetic Pop-Tart habit. You’re supposed to toast them? I just eat them right out of the box. =)

  5. @Reprobate – I believe Japan has individually wrapped fried chicken skin in bar form. I’m not kidding.

    @armauld – What? We do not influence you to try many things that you’ll regret later on? We have not done our jobs.

    @J.E. Lane – Dang, I should’ve copyrighted that shit and put it on t-shirts and make tens of dollars.

    @Heidi – I don’t think I’ve ever tried to dig out the fig filling in the middle of Fig Newtons before and just eat that. I smell weekend project.

    @Lex – I’ve liked Fig Newtons since I was little, but I don’t like actual figs.

    @Reprobate – I am actually afraid to eat that, although if I can get my hands on that plus canned bacon, I may reconsider.

    @Chuck – WHAT? That is better than his performance on Knight Rider.

    @Neil – Do you live in Germany? Because I hear they worship him there.

    @Reprobate – You go work on that and let me know how that goes.

    @Natalie – Kinda, except not so grainy and not so nutri.

    @Jesse – I can’t help it because it’s too easy to hassle the Hoff. I mean seriously, Knight Rider, Baywatch, German pop star, and America’s Got Talent; he pretty much sets himself up for hassling. I’m surprised he didn’t make an appearance in Battlefield Earth.

    @Delia – I just don’t toast them, I also do things to them that are illegal in most states.

    @Heidi – Foot fetish people would love that.

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